Behind private bars
‘Help me, anybody here?’ I shout without much strength but there is no answer.
They locked the door from outside after putting me here, inside a cage, which is nearly big enough for a human being. I guess it’s a cage used to carry animals from one place to another, and I could barely stretch my legs here.
After Officer James went out, two of his officers brought me here, in the State Central Jail, which I guess is almost half an hour drive from where I was previously, the police station. It was so humiliating to sit in a car in just bikinis, with handcuffed wrists, while people staring at you like a murderer. All way I kept my head down, trying to hide my face via my hair, but that wasn’t the actual humiliation. The real thing came when I walked inside this prison.
I thought I would be facing trial in front of some magistrate but I was wrong. The officers took me directly to the State’s Prison, and without getting me properly dressed, made me walk the corridors of prison in just bikini. It was a public humiliation, a big moment of embarrassment as I had to walk between the cells full of male prisoners, who shouted, cheered, and even clapped by seeing a semi-nude girl in handcuff, and that too so young. All way my head was on the floor as uncountable nasty and improper comments were passed on me, all related to my nudity and my private parts.
I haven’t been embarrassed so much my entire life. Atleast I deserved some clothes before they made me walk in public in just my undergarments. That was so mean, so unkind.
Who does that to a girl, and that too so young?
Yes I am convicted for drug smuggling but I’ve already accepted my crime, and I am also ready to face consequences but what’s the point to embarrasses me like this I public?
Don’t I deserve a little respect, little clothes to cover myself?
I feel so down in myself. I wish I could disappear. If this is the start, if this is what my life would be, I wonder what’s coming next. Yes I know I’ll be played, both sexually and mentally, and not for once but for multiple times, maybe by multiple officers as well, but am I ready for it?
Am I strong enough?
There’s a hurricane inside my mind and tears are dripping from my eyes for so long. I am cold, I am hungry but there is nothing but emptiness. I feel so alone, so leftover but there is nothing but darkness. I’ve lost track of time. I don’t know if it’s an hour or a couple when I last saw light. Those officers brought me here, inside this weird room which smells like a goat, and locked me inside an iron cage which also stinks. I don’t see a point to lock me in a cage even though I am already locked in a room. Here I don’t even have the liberty to stretch myself completely, but the only thing I can do here is to sit and curse my bad decisions.
These 12 hours have changed so much in my life. My life was so good when I was in my own country, between the people I love, my friends. It was so nice to lay myself naked in my cushion and pillows, to bathe in a hot tub and to eat Chinese but look at me now. I am in a different country with drug smuggling in my head, locked in a cage made for animals, in just my undergarments. These 12 hours have changed so much in my life. I wish this was a dream, and I could wake and get into my normal life, a life where I was happy, where I was free.
My heart pounds as I hear the door being opened. It’s him, Officer James, with a packet in hand. I close my eyes as a beam of light strikes my eyes which were in dark for so long. He closes the door the sooner he gets in, like he doesn’t want others to see what he’s about to do with me.
I gasp a mouthful of air. I am so scared.
‘Kira, my darling. How are you doing?’ he asks in a friendly manner, and I wonder about his changed mood, because last time I was with him, he was so harsh on me, and gave me so much pain.
He grabbed my hair and also shouted at me.
I didn’t say a word in reply, but moved myself away, to the back walls of the cage, trying to get as far as possible. I am just too frightened to face him, or to have any sort of conversation.
‘You don’t need to be scared, my darling, not anymore’ he says, coming towards my cage.
He then sits just beside me, without unlocking the cage’s door. I once again put my head down, trying to hide my face with my hair.
‘Sorry, you had to wait so long. I was stuck in something important’ he tells in the same casual manner, like he isn’t pissed at me at all.
I don’t answer but stay in my position, still, afraid of his intentions, while he brings his face near to the cage, trying to sneak my hidden face. As he comes near, I see time in his wristwatch. It’s almost 8 in the night and I wonder how long it has been since I was locked here. I remember leaving the police station. It was almost half-past 5. It means I am locked here in dark for more than 2 hours.
‘See what I got you’ he says and opens the packet he has in hands.
Surprisingly, he has bought me Chinese food, the thing I love, but how does he know that I love Chinese. I look at him with questionable eyes but he chuckles instead.
‘I don’t what you’re thinking, that how I know you love Chinese’ he says at my confused expressions.
‘I have your phone, remember? Now I know more things about you that nobody anybody else does’ he says and I feel my heart pounding again.
He cracked open my cellphone, that’s so mean, but it’s also obvious. Every officer does the same exact thing to collect more and more information about a suspect. It’s just a normal process.
‘You didn’t tell me about the company you worked for’ he says.
I keep quiet and stay still as a statue. If he has cracked my cellphone, he probably knows more things about me than I know about myself. He would’ve tracked where I live, where I work, my friends, Kirk, and also everyone I know.
‘And you also didn’t tell me how great dancer you are’ he says and I skip a beat.
Well, my cellphone also has a whole lot of private pictures of me and Kirk, where I don’t have even panties in my body.
Ahhh…I feel so embarrassed now because he must have seen hundreds of pictures where I am naked, where I am making love, giving blowjobs, dancing, bathing, and uncountable more.
Fuck me and fuck Kirk for filming me naked.
‘Kira, now that I know that you’re innocent, and you got caught in your first act itself, I won’t be harsh in you’ he says and for the first time, I dare to look in his face.
He’s smiling, which means he has trust in me. It’s so relieving to hear it and I feel much better now. Atleast now he knows that I am new to this and I am speaking the truth.
‘Thank you, sir’ I say my first word after a long time.
He nods, smiles.
‘Can I ask you for a favor, sir?’ I ask in a low voice.
He nods, softly.
‘Can I get to call someone? My boyfriend?’ I ask, while he takes a deep breath, as if not completely ready for what I asked.
‘But why do you need that? You have been caught red-handed and you had also accepted your crime’ he says.
I don’t know what he means.
‘Even if you call someone here, they could do nothing but to see you suffer’ he says while I ponder at his words.
‘Drug smuggle is a big crime, Kira. You will face a trial here and will also have to spend years in jail, here itself’ he tells.
There are butterflies in my body. I feel my stomach churning.
I will have a trial here? I will be imprisoned here? I didn’t know that. Ahhh…that would be so bad. I don’t know even a single person here. How will I survive?
There are millions of questions arising inside me, and I don’t know what to do, how to escape the inevitable.
‘W…..What? Here?’ I stammer with hopeless eyes while he nods.
‘Yes, here. You do know the law, right. If you’re caught here, your trial will be here until your government doesn’t ask for you’ he tells.
Government! Why the hell will they care for me? Who am I?
‘Can I make a call?’ I ask.
Officer takes another deep breath but then gives his cellphone to me. It feels like I had got the keys to this cage and the trouble I’m in. I feel so ecstatic, full of energy.
‘Thank you officer’ I say and immediately dial for Kirk.
He is my only hope and I feel so excited when the phone rings but what?
It goes unattended. He didn’t pick my call. It’s so depressing. Maybe he’s still in office or maybe he doesn’t pick up unnamed calls from another country. I try calling him again but the result is the same. He didn’t answer.
Depressed and dejected, I finally return the phone back to the officer and sat cross-legged with shattered hopes. Officer looks me pity in eyes and the takes a key out of his pocket. He then unlocks my cage and opens its door.
‘There’s nothing to be depressed about, Kira. You know how the world works. It’s a bitch’ he says while I stay still as a statue.
Slowly I realize my eyes getting blurry as drops of tears start falling off it. I am so low, so out of life. My only hope is gone and I have no way to escape.
‘Come here, come to me’ says the officer and signals me to come out of the cage.
Out of option and compelled to comply, I crawl outside the small cage door. Officer instantly pulls me towards himself and wraps me around his arms.
I know what’s in his mind but how selfish is it. I am broken, and I am still crying, but his hands start to fondle my back, starts to explore my loin, while
I start to sob in my situation. My eyes drip even worse as he slowly slips his fingers into my bra, and starts to molest me in most improper ways. First, it was just my upper front, and then it slips on my back bottom, on my buttocks.
Although he hasn’t had undressed me completely, he’s fondling, abusing my private parts one by one, first my nipple, then my buttocks, while I cry with the worst maltreatment I am going through. Never have I experienced such a situation when someone has abused me sexually without my permission.
I feel like a puppet, like a doll.
Well, as his fingers rape my dignity, it finally comes to my underpants, but before it could get between my legs, I push him to get away. Getting myself towards the cage again, I bend my head towards the floor and start crying with eyes bursting tears.
Officer James looks at my embarrassed face and takes a deep breath, like he knows how humiliated I am, how broken.
‘See, Kira. I want you to hear it with attention’ he says while I raise my head with wet cheeks.
‘You are in a foreign prison and no matter how respected of civilized you are, you’ll be played for sure, and not just by me, but by many men’ he says.
I sob, close my eyes.
‘And we men know only two ways to play, either by will or by force. It’s your choice now, else you know what worse can happen’ he tells.
Now I am not embarrassed but scared. I know what ways he’s talking about. Rape is also a kind of sex, just in a violent way. Every girl is scared of it, no matter how slutty we are, because sex is enjoyable, but rape is just sufferance.
‘So what do you want? Pleasure or assault?’ he asks.
I sob once again but soon wipe my cheeks. It’s the time when I have to choose between worse and worst.
‘Sorry officer’ I reply.
He smiles and signals me to come near. I comply and kneel-walk towards him again, getting myself to be played in his ways. The sooner I get near, he signals me to turn back, and as I do so, he unhooks my bra immediately.
Then he gropes my breasts, both of it, and plays with it for a minute, licking, squashing, and pressing it forcefully.
I cry, scream, and plead for mercy but he goes on and on to torture my upper front till the time he gets completely satisfied. After it gets over, he slips off my underpants, and getting me completely naked, he starts to rape me in a formal way.
Straggling and grappling me go in weird positions, he leaves not an inch untouched, not a part unexplored. Sometimes I moan and sometimes I cry. I even scream sometimes of the sharp pain in my sensitive parts but all he cares is his pleasure. My painful screams have no impact, neither are my tears. To him, I am just a doll that can be twisted, tortured, and played in the way the owner likes.
I hope it gets over soon, because now I am out of energy.
*****
My legs are aching, and my bottom is numb. My nipples have no sensation and my buttocks radiate heat. I have been played violently. I have been used forcefully, and now I feel like I’ve been anesthetized because major parts of my body are numb.
I never had such a bad orgasm experience, maybe because I never had sex without my will. It’s called lovemaking for a reason but this, what happened with me now, it’s inhuman, an assault.
It lasted almost an hour, longer than any of my previous experiences, but the irony is this is what I will be subjected to in most of the cases. I am a captive now, and I don’t have a right to fight, or even speak against it, else it could go even worst.
Well, as I see Officer James wearing his pants, I too slowly crawl back towards the cage, trying to get myself some support from the iron walls. I don’t have enough energy to sit on my spine or even walk on my legs. It’s so much pain, almost on my entire body. My cheeks are wet, and not just by tears. My thighs are slippery, and not just by sweat. I feel like garbage, and I also stink.
Even though he offered me to get played by will, it got converted into assault.
In slow steps, I reach the cage and pick my undergarments. Slipping my panty over my bottom, I try to hook my bra but am unsuccessful.
‘Ahhh…what should I say. You were delicious’ says Officer James, coming forward to help me out.
He hooks my bra and snuggles me for a second, while I don’t answer and rest my back on iron rods, closing my eyes to gain some strength.
‘There’s some water in a tub if you want to wash yourself’ he says, signaling towards the corner of the room while I open eyes slightly to see the washroom.
Yes, I badly need a bath, a proper bath, but is it possible for me to do it in this condition? I don’t even have the energy to walk.
‘And also have some food. You look so weak’ he comments at my slow movements.
With eyes still closed, I nod for once.
‘Am here for some time if you need me’ he says and without any more help, he walks off the room and closes it from outside.
My eyes burst with tears the sooner he goes away. I have now started to sob, again, and this time it isn’t the physical pain, but the trauma inside my head.
What was my life and what it's now?
It’s a nightmare, a horrible dream. I can’t believe how this 24 hours has changed my life so much. I don’t even see a way to come out of it. It’s like I am in a boat, sailing in between an ocean with no shore, no hope either.
God help me, please.
Full book
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