[Devi Dasa]

Most of you before me spoke about the difference in whether or not disappointment is justified (the sub put actually effort in but eventually felt vs. The sub did it half-heartedly).
Which I agree with. Disappointment is a deep and strong emotion. True disappointed can only be when we have expectations. Now as said above when we expect a different result, than a doms future demands will be adjusted to the subs capabilities. However disappointment in the sub itself is a very different thing.
See, in order to expect we must be experienced in the thing we are handling, we must have knowledge about the possible and common outcomes. To be disappointed in a person therefore means to have investment in the relationship to that person, the Dom must know the sub, it's behaviour and most importantly personality. Then "I'm disappointed with you" says basically "I expect you to be a different person, unfortunate you are this way"

We must be very careful with our words. Not only but especially in the (temporarily) higher position of Dom. Many subby people I spoke to (not all) come from a insecure and anxious place and their Dom (among other things) gives them a certain stability. To set out rules and consequences when agreed upon aspects (like laziness) are in the way of a task, is alright. It might even be beneficial as it gives guidelines to work under and keep the anxiety of uncertainty away. One might enjoy to fit into a role and engage in service to their Dom for innumerable reasons. When a Dom now shatters this construct by stating his disappointment in the subs person, it can destroy the safe place many see in their D/S life.

In my opinion all of us regardless our position or status or whatever always and constantly have to work on our selfs. A Dom can be a very dear person as many very personal thoughts are shared with them. Advice outside of pure playtime is great from any person who knows us well. When included in the superior position as dom one must be careful.
A Dom is in a role and should act in such role. That is expected by the sub. It is not expected for the dom to criticize our life choices or character. That is what a friend would do. For sure one can at the same time be in the role of a dom and the role of a friend. It is very much possible to punish as a sub for misbehaviour and talk about character flaws as a friend based on the same incident. Not to mix up the role and their duties. It must be clear for the sub who is speaking, it depends on how deep the individual role go. Good friends might decide to play together. The now Dom shouldn't carry over delicate secret of their sub from his friendship role for plain humiliation. Or kink partners might grow a friendship. The Dom shouldn't act as if superior to a friend end expect the friendship to be for their pleasure only.

In reality these things mix up. We must develop our social skills to be good doms. To be friends also. To keep them separate but also one. As in carrying over the affection but not become abusive by threatening a sub with deeply rooted emotions like disappointment.

It is difficult and takes time, effort and loads of empathy. And knowledge of what a sub needs. By being a Dom we take the responsibility to not put our sub in danger, both physically and mentally. A sub can (and should) be aware and protected themselves too. Physically that's relatively easy, don't do stupid thing. Mental damage is done as soon as the words are said (or read) and can only be counteracted by the sub, not prohibited.
Be aware that as a Dom, a sub gives you the keys to some of their most personal parts. That is an honour. That is trust. Treat them like that.
D/S relationship revolves around the Dom playing with the subs neediness (most often for sexual pleasure). Tease and denial is fine. Punishments are fine. Pushing barriers is fine. Attacks on a personal level is way beyond a respectful Dom and outright wrong m, abusive a d cruel.
Cruel not in a sense of hardcore but simply being a bad person.

That is my opinion at least. Proof me wrong if you like!