Woa, that was better than the last stories. I do not know why, but my unease in gone. Still like your writing.
But, as it has to be, I still have some things I want to mention:
Brigitte ans Sarah seemed in the first part rather hostile. At least thats what I would expect if I get introduced to someone that way. How was Sarah able to just ignore this treatment? And Brigitte is the first "not real" person you created. She seems to be fixed on sex and have no other feelings. But probably you have some plan how that could turn out well later on.
And one small formal remark: You qoutation style was somewat distrubring for me. At some places you write
Quote:
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"That's cheating, says Jim.
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For me it would be much better to read as
Quote:
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"That's cheating", says Jim.
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Furthermore you nearly alway do not finish your started quotations:
Quote:
"Your first time was an orgy?
"If you can call it that...
"You ate out a girl while a boy was fucking you, and his brother was wanking... that's an orgy in my book.
"Ever been in an orgy?" Thomas asks her.
"I wish!"
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Why not do it like this:
Quote:
"Your first time was an orgy?"
"If you can call it that..."
"You ate out a girl while a boy was fucking you, and his brother was wanking... that's an orgy in my book."
"Ever been in an orgy?" Thomas asks her.
"I wish!"
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Still, I really like your stories!