Great
I want the new chapter! nao xD
like the thing with the band shirts (as for characteristics) and all :3
the way they behave towards each other makes the whole thing very vivid, well done
Quote:
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I jumped to my feet and grabbed my gear piled in the foyer and opened the door to walk out.
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Imo this sounds not good. Using more than one and in an enumeration makes only sense when you want to emphazise something very strongly. This would only be done in e.g. speeches.
Quote:
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“Haha, this is gunna be a long car ride if you start that now.” Connor piped up from the back, clearly more interested at what was going on between Daniel and I then talking with Jonathan.
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small mistakes that can be avoided :3
maybe you can still edit it
Hoping to read more soon, I'm desperate for it right now xD
Love