[LilAngel]

As I am caught short of time, this will probably be a quick post. Since my much controversial thread on the difference between a submissive and a slave a few years ago, my views and my understanding of BDSM has changed drastically.

Submissive vs Slave

To many, these terms are used interchangeably. To others, one may seem 'more real' or 'superior' to the other. But like many things in the BDSM world, there is no set definition of what a submissive is and what a slave is. Heck, we cannot even decide what 'BDSM' actually stands for. Our best hope of understanding the two terms are through analysing personal experiences, and determining whether you actually want to categorise them into submissive behaviour or slave behaviour. For example, using a safe word. Do you (and your partner) consider this a submissive behaviour (as slaves are commonly believed to have 'no limits')?

If yes, this is perfectly reasonable and those who disagree should accept your opinion. However, you should not automatically assume it is the correct belief as individuals in other relationships may have a different interpretation of the two terms. Issues arise in the BDSM community when people are being labelled something that has no defined meaning.

Exclusivity to BDSM Community

It is true that the words 'slave' and 'Master' have been used since humans knew words but they are absolutely not restricted to the BDSM community. However, until recently these words have mostly been used in illegal circumstances. Minority groups or class differences have defined those who are slaves (and those who are not) for thousand of years but luckily, slavery has been outlawed in most countries around the world.

A further debate are in the words 'submissive' and 'dominant'. In my opinion, although these words are used in the BDSM community as a proper noun (and correctly so), they represent a type of personality that is present in all people. Some people can be more submissive than dominant and vice versa, but they do not need to be within the BDSM scene.

Capitalisation
Master, Dom, Sir, Mistress, Miss, etc.

Once again, completely up to the two within a relationship. We all know it is a popular protocol within the scene but it is completely unfair to say that a submissive is 'disrespectful' for not doing so, unless you are their dominant partner.

One of my pet peeves however is when submissives are told to use a lower case in personal pronouns (ie. 'i') and when dominants are required to be capitalised in objective personal pronouns (ie. 'Her', 'His', 'Him'). This may trigger a lot of debate but I find it completely unnecessary for members of the BDSM community to alter the basic rules of the English language in order to demonstrate hierarchy. Respect does not need to be achieved through capitalised words. If that is the only thing defining your relationship, I suggest you sit down with your partner and have a really good talk about it - because to me, that's absurd.

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So there you go; my two cents on one of the most controversial topics in the BDSM community. I really hope that you develop your own opinion however, as it will only help you understand BDSM better.