[degrademeplease]

Originally Posted by MasterZp

I was sorry to hear that you and your Dom are struggling and he is dealing with issues that take him away from you. It sounds like you are indeed doing your best to support him and be reasonable about the situation, but it is indeed very very hard. I hope having someone else at least acknowledge that will help if just a tiny bit.

You asked how to deal with it all and ease the pain and sense of loss. And I think the best answer is that you cannot. This sounds like an ordeal you both have to endure and make your way through. I find that accepting that can help, and can reorient one’s mind a bit. This is your normal for now as much as that sucks and hurts and feels unfair. Be honest about it to yourself as much as anyone else. And be honest about hour feelings. It’s natural to want to downplay your concerns when talking to your Dom since he is dealing with so much. But isn’t his choice? Shouldn’t he decide what he can handle or not handle? Maybe having to focus on your concerns will help distract him from his own issues once I awhile. Just because your feelings and issues are not as severe as his doesn’t mean they are not just as important. I cannot say for sure obviously, not knowing anything about the situation. But avoiding the discussion is seldom the answer. Maybe you two could come up with some tasks or rules or ways you can feel more submissive to him without having him as directly involved? It may not be how it was before but that doesn’t mean it cannot be good for you.


I think the point I’m trying to make is work on adjusting your frame of reference. See if there is a way you can look at our relationship from a different angle and maybe that will help.


Just my thoughts. I hope it helps in some way. And I hope your Dom is able to get better or resolve his issues soon.

Thank you, your response did help to make me feel better.

I was dealing with it a lot better to start with, but as time goes by, it has become much harder. We have spoken about it together and he knows that it is hard on me too, but I don't want to pressure him to do something he can't right now.

We have tried to carry on with some rules, but it can be hard on me mentally to follow certain rules if I am not getting regular praise. We have also done tasks and had deeper conversations about things. We've even spoke about him collaring me which is something I never wanted from a D/s relationship until now.

I'm worried that discussing that has made me feel more needy and vulnerable at a time when he can't give me the support and attention that I need and it's having an impact on my emotions