Quote:
Originally Posted by Masterwants
There appear to be a lot of submissives topping from the bottom around here. I wonder how truly submissive they actually are….
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Partly a response… and partly just a ramble <3
oops (I obviously miss my blogging)
I think there are fundamental issues with the language and limited perspectives on this site. You can put an Ad up in the Submissive/Dominant Area and you're essentially limited to being a sub/Dom/switch… but I think a lot of people here don’t fall into those categories and this creates problems.
If those are the only choices, then mislabelling will set you both up for failure. A dominant that expects a “sub” will obviously be disappointed when their behaviour is not fully submissive (and vice versa). This mismatch of expectations is inevitable when we restrict our language to three terms.
I don’t think it’s wrong for someone to have kinks and just want to share it with someone else for (hopefully mutual) enjoyment. To not necessarily “have” to do a task as a sub, or “make” someone do a task as a Dom, but just to be “kinky”. Some people will put themselves in the switch category if they feel like this, but again, this is not the correct label.
Although I align with being a sub, I’ve had times when I’ve just been “kinky”. This may have given me a mild identity crisis, but it wasn’t wrong of me to feel that way – it’s not “lesser”. I have just wanted to play with my toys with someone, explore fantasies and ideas, and for us both to enjoy closeness, rather than to properly submit to them. I think that’s fine, as long as both people are onboard with what’s happening.
So, I do think you have “submissives topping from the bottom”, but I think it’s not really their fault SOME of the time. There’s no term to reach for “I want to enjoy my kinks with someone else but not necessarily in a strict D/s format” and so people enter their first communications on the wrong foot.
They may not even know that they're not a sub. If you only have three choices then you can only reach for what's available.