The punishment completed last night was far more mental than anticipated.
While I felt humiliation, it was not as strong as feeling degraded, and while there was feelings of obedience and submission in the punishment, dehumanization ruled my mental state.
I've done a lot of punishments with mental torture, and this would be one of them. It comes about with waiting for time to go by. I've had to be mentally strong for kneeling in the tub in a cold shower. I had to be mentally strong for a hanging wedgie for an hour. Kneeling on rice or grits was also a mental, torturous task, but that is also a lot related to immense pain, and gave a deep feeling of submission verses a feeling of dehumanization. As a matter of fact, these examples here are ruled by the feelings of submission and obedience.
It is the discipline of not leaving and having to wait for the timer to go off. When there is less the pain, the more difficult it is mentally.
Being left in the cold attic like that, there was an intensity to it from being in an out-of-place space. It was a new experience that went further than the last time I was in the attic in a humble position for 20 minutes. I don't think I can think of a time feeling such deep dehumanization like I did last night.
Perhaps it's just because it's been a while, but I remember all of my punishments well from over the years.
I wouldn't have allowed getting to such a point mentally of feeling dehumanized if I didn't have some enjoyment and/or desire to do such deep down. I say 'or' as well because I have done punishments in the past that were not enjoyable, but the desire was still there in other aspects mentally. Standing in freezing water whilst naked in a freezing attic is not enjoyable by the way.
I've grown and have experience and am not fully wrapped in my head of being straight-up horny--lol--, unlike when first starting my thread 8 years ago.
So, I have played for many years, and I always anticipate sub-drop by this point. I've learned how to approach it and when it is time to stop if it gets to be too much. But, those that are new and/or do not know better, it can become an emotional disaster.
I would hope all who give out punishments see that safety over finishing a scene/task is extremely important.
It is also important not to give out a punishment for stopping a scene/task from hitting an emotional limit. It may seem fine at first, but that builds up in the head over time and can also cause a crash. Also, it can give discouragement in stopping when an emotional limit is hit, ignoring it due to not wanting punishment.
Perhaps some people on the site don't actually carry out punishments given, but I do and have said a few times, once being here on the thread, that I am not a ragdoll. People shouldn't let their fantasies run wild when someone on the other side is legit carrying them out.
Just a note,
I would of held my head underwater some, but bending over into the tub pushed on my chest and lungs, so it almost felt like a momentary suffocation from the pressure there and felt scary to hold such a position. Otherwise, I would have been all for that, as I had planned to do such. You can't always go as far as you want at times.
Another thing on this, it was so sudden in going to dunk my head multiple times. It made me feel scattered emotionally, feeling frazzled, and that act would of been responsible for sub-drop if I did not respond with self-care to counter such.
I think part of it was that I did not think about the task at all. I decided it, and then I did not let myself think of it again. So when I went and suddenly dunked my head, it was not a planned out time. It just happened. I hadn't even decided how many times my head would be dunked until the moment my head was first dunked into the water.
I would do something like this again, and I liked the success of the startled surprise, even the emotions feeling scattered and feeling further dehumanized.
I was able to care for it right after, and still continue the last 30 minutes of the punishment with no problems mentally.
And when the punishment was over, I had no problems relaxing and returning to a normal state of mind.
In all honesty, I would have to do it again to really describe my mental state fully and write about it right after. Once I know what to expect mentally and physically, it makes me mentally stronger, and I can spot my weak points to talk more of it.
When things are new, that just can't happen, but there is a rawness to it in describing, I would say.
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And while I am oh-so-curious of feet punishment, I do not have a foot fetish.
If anything, it's a plus for me in breaking into my hiking boots more.
I learned that hard lesson of hiking long distance with new hiking boots on.
They're broken into now,
but nothing like conditioning the feet and breaking the shoes in more for future, more pleasant hikes.
I like the pain of unpolished rocks in my tightly laced up hiking boots.
But I also like the perk of conditioning my feet to endure pain in stepping on sharp rocks and further breaking into my boots.
Real life perks outside of play here. lol
For listed punishments in a previous post:
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tigerlily
I see I'm on the next page of my thread,
so I shall carry over the punishment desired.
But, do click back to read my message in coming back after quite a break.
I'll just copy/paste the punishment wanted:
Would anyone be interested in giving me a new kind of punishment unlike anything on this thread?
Feet punishment
I've never sought out feet punishment before.
Nor have I ever tried it up until the night before and last night.
The markings fade fast with no lasting pain or marks on the next day from the light punishment given and described a few messages ago.
Please, for given punishments, nothing severe (right away), as this is new, and I don't know my tolerance level and what leaves lasting marks.
Implements are basic things around house:
- Wanted after every punishment: (suggested by master84, and altered and elaborated by me)
Wearing tightly laced up hiking boots with rocks in it. I have a bag full of road-side-like rocks in various sizes to use and select from
- Encouraged: Rubber bands
- Encouraged: Metal sharp pointed tip poker--no bigger than a pen point--I do have multiple of this, just the others are not as sharp. None draw blood
- Encouraged: Metal ruler--it gives a nice WHAP to the strike
- Interested in: Wooden clothes pins
- Nervous about : Shoe with a good, thick rubber sole, a very good implement used in numerous spankings, a lot of times oiled up (including the area being spanked)
- Nervous about : Wooden hairbrush
- Unsure and nervous about : Thin, leather belt
- Unsure and nervous about : Wide, leather belt
For the belts: I don't want any of my swings to unintentionally wrap around the side of my foot. If I am worrying about this, I don't know if I can give a true, decent strike.
Whatever else you can think of from the home, I will consider
Degradation is encouraged and wanted
Limits:
- No tickle torture
- No bleeding
- No hot wax
- No body writing
- No sandpaper on feet or anything that will mess with my callous long term
- Bottom of feet only
- Holding a flame near my feet is debatable, as I tried it for some seconds, and am willing to push that kind of limit.
- Trying to avoid very noticeable, lasting marks
- No pms for punishment--thread only
Other punishments I will do with feet punishment included would be:
- Corner time
--Wedgies:
Types:
- Squeaky clean (pull forward and back again counts as 1)
- Attached with bra
- All-day wedgie
+ Willing to hold bladder for a certain time period.
+ Willing to pee through the wedgie.
+ Willing to use underwear wedgied as a gag
- No mess
Any other punishments will be done at my own discretion.
Note:
Please keep in mind that I curse.
As long as it is not in a disrespectful manner, I am unapologetic of my mouth and will not take punishments from that.
If it is really thought I was out of line and disrespectful,
I will be punished with my mouth being washed out with soap
and a severe punishment from the one I disrespected.
Let's play 
Degrade me to put me back into my submissive place--it's been too long 
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