[interesting]

It's been three weeks since I broke with Sarah. Because that's what it is. A breakup. There's no denying it now.

The day after our spat, she came home while I was at Cassie and Claire's place and moved her stuff out of the apartment, most of it anyway. We have barely talked since then. We've had casual conversations, and she'll keep paying her portion of the rent until the end of the semester; this gives me a little over a month to find a new roommate or move out. It's not like our other roommates are ever there anyway.

The first few days and nights, I cried a lot. I kept thinking of what I had said to Sarah, and how I had said it. It was a stupid thing to say, and I was now paying for it, even if I still believed it was true. How could I have been so oblivious to her feelings? Claire and Cassie had helped me see the error in my actions, albeit too late.

I thought maybe Sarah would come back and we'd apologize to each other and get back together. She dropped in, unexpectedly a few times. I waited for her to initiate the dialogue but she never did. Clearly, she doesn't want to be my friend anymore. I can live with that. It's just hard to believe that, after all we've gone through together, it's over.

A little under two weeks ago, I went to a party and I met this new girl, a friend of Cassie from work. Princess. Everybody else calls her Prissy but I get to call her Princess. We partied a lot that night, kissed, did some daring together, then got back to Cassie's place. She always had a fantasy of taking her from behind with a strap-on, so with some assistance by Claire, she did. Then, we each got to ride that same strap-on while it was on Prissy. It was unbelievable, and I got to go first. I was so tired I slept in her bed, in her arms. And in the morning, I was so horny, we had sex again. And then we talked.

And then something happened. She kissed me and I kisser her back. And I got scared.

The only love relationship I've ever been with has been with Sarah. I've screwed an impressive number of guys and girls though (mostly girls, now that I think about it). Sarah was my first, all genders confounded. I'd almost had sex prior to that, but luckily for me, it didn't happen.

After that first night, I wanted more, and I wanted everything. So I became quite the sexaholic, if I may characterize myself as such. I've had sex with most of my friends: Bonnie, Claire, Cassie, Brad, Mary (Thomas' twin sister for those who don't know her), Kate and Pauline (both friends of Mary's). I've given so many blowjobs to Barry and Thomas I've lost count. when Sarah and I broke up some time ago, I went clubbing each night, and almost each night returned with a different person to their place for sex. That lasted about three months, so that must have been around seventy boys and girls.

And then, more recently, I had sex with Princess. My princess.

I spent the week following that night barely getting any sleep. Each night, I would lie in bed awake, masturbate to completion as many times as possible, visualizing my encounter with Princess. My princess. Today, I did a photo shoot and Peter talked to me about my absent-mindedness. I simply told him I had a lot on my mind.

"What's the name?"
"What?"
"Of the person you have on your mind."

Given all that I'd been through with Peter, I told him about Princess. I told about the night we spent together, about how good she felt and how sweet she tasted, and how I longed to fuck her again.

"Why don't you call her?"
"I don't know..."

Peter then sat me down (after having put on a robe to cover my nudity) and got me to talk about her. I told her how much she reminded me both of myself and of Sarah (Peter was aware of my fallout with my former friend).

"You should call her, Jennifer."
"I don't know. I'm still not over Sarah."
"And you'll never be over her. It's life. Why should you stop living because of one person?"

We talked a lot more that day. When I got home, I picked up the phone and called Princess - and got her answering machine. I hung up quickly and raced to my bed, burying my head in my pillow.

The phone rang and I jumped up. I answered.

"Hello?"
"Hello...? Who is this?"

It was Princess. She must have had caller identification.

"Uh.. it's Jenn. Hi."
"Hey Jenn. Haven't talked to you since Cassie. How are you?"
"Oh... uh... Good. Yeah."
"It'S nice to speak with you. What are you doing?"
"Nothing much. Hanging out. Uh..."
"You called me?"
"uh... Yeah I did."

My heart was racing at the sound of her voice; I felt my juices flowing to my pussy.

"So... what did you want?"
"Oh... uh... Nothing. Just catching up."
"Are you all right? You seem... upset."
"Oh no! Not at all... I'm glad you're on the line."
"By the way, I have an answering service, it's to leave messages, you know."

As I listened to her voice, I reached under my skirt and pulled off my panties, rubbing my fingers againts my lips.

"Okay... I'll leave a message next time."
"Great. What can I do for you?"
"Nothing much. Uh... wondering what you were doing?"
"Well, I'm at work, but I can take a few minutes to chat with my friend."

It's getting hard not to moan. I bite my lip, but my breathing is getting heavy.

"Are you sure you're all right?"

I decide to stop playing.

"No I'm not... talk to me. Talk dirty to me, please."
"What?"
"If you can... I really need it..."
"Jenn, are you playing with yourself?"
"Would it turn you on if I did?"

There is silence.

"Yes it would."
"I'm picturing you, right now, your fingers in my wet pussy."
"You like my fingers in your pussy, Jenn."
"Oh I do!"
"You like it when I play with your sex..."
"Oh God!"

I don't know what's going on at her end. I only know I want to hear her voice as I bring myself to orgasm.

"You like it when I massage your clit."

As she speaks, I move my fingers to my clit, letting the sensation build up inside me.

"I'm eating you all out right now."

My mind pictures her face at my crotch, her tongue inside my pussy.

"Don't stop... oh God! Don't stop!"
"Come for me, Jenn. Come for Princess."

These words take me over the edge. I rub harder as the orgasm rides me all over, paralyzing me for a moment as I moan loud and long.

"Oh Sweet God, Princess! Oh...."

I fall back on my bed, bringing my fingers to my mouth, tasting them. I can almost taste her now.

"Oh... I'm sorry... I just..."
"Jenn, it's okay. I'm glad you called."
"I want to see you again."
"when?"
"Now."

I hear her shy laughter over the phone.

"That might be difficult. I get off at five."
"I want to get you off now."
"Jenn... I can drop by your place when I finish."
"Oh... please do."

I give her my address.

"I have to go now... see you soon."
"Soon."

We hang up. I lie back on the bed. I'm shivering. I get under the covers, taking everything off. I fall asleep.

I wake up. My mind is confused; my eyes stare at the clock.
6:30PM. Oh no! Princess!

I hurriedly get up, put on my silk robe and head for the door. It's locked. No! I open it. No note. No memo. I go to my phone. No messages. No! Maybe on the email? But she doesn't have my email adress. No! I pick up the phone to call her. But I missed our rendez-vous. No! She probably came, knocked on the door and I didn't answer, and Sarah wasn't there and neither were my other roommates. No! I start sobbing as I move about the apartment, getting dressed. I have to find her. I have to explain it to her. She just gave me so much pleasure over the phone I fell asleep and woke up late. No! This is not fair!

I run out the door, still buttoning my shirt, my shoes in one hand, not even bothering to lock the door. Why don't I just call her? Where is she? It's not like I can track her just like that.

As I exit the building, I freeze. She's in the parking lot, sitting on the hood of a car, eating something. No! I try to control my sobbing but I can't anymore. The stress of it all is getting to me. I collapse in the entrance, thirty feet from her car, unable to get up. First Sarah, now her. I screw up everything!

I don't even hear the footsteps getting near me.

"Jenn?"

I look up. She is there. My eyes are full of water, and I just start crying some more.

"Are you all right?"
"No!..."

She leans in against me. I try to push her away but I have no strength.

"Come on, let's get you back to your apartment. I was getting worried about you."
"Don't touch me."
"What?"
"Don't touch me... I'm a bad person."

She takes a momentary step back, but then leans in again and helps me up.

"Come on, Jenn. COme on."

I don't have the strength to resist so I let her drag me to my apartment.

"I'm sorry... I'm so sorry..."

The emotion has been building up in me for months, and now it's exploding like a geyser, unstoppable, inconsolable. Princess does most of the work as she returns me to my apartment.

She closes the door and leans me against my couch. She hurries to the bathroom and retrieves a wet washcloth, which she uses to cool me down.

"I'm sorry I was sleeping and I never heard you and you're gonna be mad and I'm a bad person and..."
"Ssshhh..."

She calms me down, kissing me on the forehead, caressing my hair. I stop whimpering and remain quiet, letting out a sob once in a while. She says nothing; she just keeps taking care of me in the silence of my apartment, kissing my forehead or cheeks once in a while. I finally manage to quell the tears and blow my nose, getting some control over my emotions. I don't think anyone has seen me this vulnerable in forever. I don't like it when people see me like this, but at this point, Princess' presence is a blessing.

"I'm sorry..."
"About what?"
"About... not being there when you got here and..."
"What do you mean?"
"I was sleeping. You ended at five. It's six thirty."
"And?"
"Well... you got here and I was sleeping so I didn't hear you."
"So I went to get some food and came back. I called your phone but you don't have call answering."

I want to start crying again.

"No, it's not a blame. Jenn!"

She laughs and I laugh along with her.

"I'm good. I was a little worried, but you're fine. Are you?"
"Yes... you?"
"I am."

I'm smiling now for no reason. I feel silly. Why did I panic so much?

"Jenn, it's cool."
"No it's not. Oh! Princess... I'm so screwed up."
"Maybe you are. But you're not alone. I'm here."

This time, she kisses me on the lips. She feels so good. I pull away.

"No."
"No what? You don't want me to kiss you?"
"No, it's not fair. Not to you."

I can't believe the words that are coming out of my mouth. Under any other circumstance, I would be all over her, ravaging her body with my sexuality to appease my stress. I don't want to do that to her. I don't want to hurt her. I want her to mean something. I want anything to mean something in fact. I'm cold. I'm shivering. She hugs me tight.

"I feel so alone..."
"Well, you're not. Look, Jenn, I don't care if nothing more happens between you and me. Right now, you need a friend, and I'm here."

I do want things to happen between us. Lots of things. Things I can't even mention. But I want them to happen for the right reason, not just because I'm used to it - like I was with Sarah. Sarah was comfortable and secure. She was my sure thing, my safety net. She's always shielded me from everything, but she's gone now. She's moving on with her life, and it's scaring the shit out of me. But Princess is here. I'm not alone.

"I don't want you to leave..."
"I'm here. I'm not going anywhere."
"Ever..."
"As long as I can remain here, I will."

I hug her tight. Memories of my childhood are resurfacing. My first foster home. My second foster home. My third foster home, the one that lasted. The one that almost got me killed. Daniel. Janice. I miss you both so much. Why did we lose track? But I know why. I know why I feel abandoned, why I cling to Sarah and why I pushed her away when I felt her abandoning me? She wasn't abandoning me. She was moving ahead with her life.

"I'm hungry."
"There's still some food leftover for you. I picked up dinner for two."
"You're so sweet."
"Well I am a Princess."

She hurries to her car and returns with the food. Cold fries and chicken, but I don't care. It's the best tasting food I've ever had. We sit down at the kitchen table and I wolf it down in her face. She simply smiles at me.

"I don't mean to be so much trouble..."
"You're no trouble, Jenn. I just wish I could help you."
"I have a lot of baggage, a lot of shit, Princess. I don't want to inflict that on anyone."
"Well, tough luck, because I'm here and I'm not leaving."

I stare at her.

"Okay."

I go back to eating and finish my meal. We get up and go back to the living room. We sit down next to each other.

"Want to talk about it?"
"I don't know. It's... dammit, it's just I want... I don't know what I want."
"Same thing as everyone, Jenn. You want to be happy."

I stare into her eyes and lose myself there for a moment. I kiss her gently, then lean my head against her shoulder.

"I'm just going through so much at the same time, and losing Sarah, it brings back a lot of memories."
"You want to share?"
"Did you know I was adopted?"
"No."
"Three families in fact. My parents - real parents - died in a car crash. I was bumped around some families until I was eight, then legally adopted."
"Oh... I'm sorry about your parents."
"Never really knew them, but... and the new family, the last family was cool. The other two, not so much."
"Okay."
"I had siblings too, a brother and a sister. We did a lot of stuff together... good stuff, bad stuff... things I'm not proud of. Things that got my adopted parents angry at me, at us all..."
"What kind of stuff?"
"Nothing... I want to talk about. Right now. Let's just say, they tolerated my presence until I finished high school, then I was out on the street. Sarah saved me."
"And now she's gone."
"She's moving on, and we've sort of... been together ever since the end of high school."
"You must love her so much."

I turn to Princess, my princess. I look into her eyes.

"I did. But she loves someone else now. That can't be helped."

I kiss her.

"Right now, Sarah's not important."

I straighten myself and sit in Princess' lap, facing her.

"Right now, you're here and she's not."

I want to kiss her. I want to have sex with her right now. That's what I always do when I feel down. I have sex. Lots and lots of sex. I have sex quite often. I must be a really depressive person.

I force myself to hold back. I remain there, staring at Princess, into her eyes.

"Jenn?"
"I want to look at you."
"Okay."

I examine the details of her face. Her hair is wavy, a little messy, covering her ears. I brush her hair aside and expose her left ear. The earlobe is slightly dangling from the golden earring on it. A little triangle. Reminds me of a pussy. Her eyebrows are plucked. I see a little imperfection on her forehead, brushing my thumb against it. Her eyes are deep, staring into mine, trying to understand what I'm doing. She wears eyeshadow, so light it's barely visible. Her nose ridge protrudes from her face, sharp and defiant. Her cheeks are rosy; the blush covering it is natural. I go to her chin; a small dimple is there, but I ignore it. Her lips. She's wearing lipstick, again a light color which accentuates her natural look. She is beautiful. She is gorgeous. She is my princess.

"What are you doing?"
"Seeing what I'm usually missing."
"What?"

It's always been too fast for me. I get aroused at nothing. My pussy fills up with juices at the mere notion of sexuality. Guys (or girls) literally have no work to do on me. Maybe that's why I like anal sex. It takes more time to get it to work. It makes the event more memorable and last longer. I'm probably overthinking everything.

"Princess."
"What?"
"I love you."

It's her turn to blush.

"I don't know how much, and I don't know what it implies, but I love you."
"I... I love you too, Jennifer."
"I... don't want to have sex."
"What?"
"Not yet... I'm horny as hell but... listen to me. A few moments ago, I was all over the room, crying. Now, all I can think about is you... and me, together."
"That's not wrong."
"I want you to be different, Princess. I want to care."
"So care."
"But... I've only ever cared for one other person in my life. I don't know how."
"Sure you do."

Princess looks away for a moment, gathering her thoughts.

"When you care about someone, it just happens. You can't force, but you can fight it. That's what you've been doing all this time, I think. You'Ve been fighting against your desire to love. Maybe. Sex is one thing, but love... that'S something else entirely. You can always love without sex... and you can probably have sex without love, but it's not the same."

She leans into me, kissing me.

"We don't need to have sex, if you don't feel like it."

I close my eyes. I want to listen to my heart for a change, not my hormones. This has to be more than just sex. I'm tired of being alone; I want to care for someone that won't leave me.

As it turns out, my heart and my hormones seem to be in agreement. Something unexpected is occuring.

"Make love to me, Princess. Here. Now."

And so she does. And possibly for the first time in my life, I'm content as she plays with me, as she explores my body with her own, as she discovers my centers of pleasure and provides me with ecstasy and release, first in my living room, then in my bed. And then I return the favor; I explore her sexuality with my own, and together, we revisit territories which would normally be familiar, but are now taking on a whole new perspective. And once we're done, once we're both sweating under the sheets, huddled together, our breasts compressed on our chests, as we kiss after our intercourse, it dawns on me that my princess has delivered me from my prison.
========================================
And so ends The Matching Game...

But things are not over yet.