[interesting]

On Tuesday morning, Jim wakes me up with two surprises. As I stir into consciousness, I feel his fingers gently rubbing against my sex; he has been playing with me for a while because I'm already extremely wet. I moan lightly, and I feel a finger slide inside me.

"Oohhh..."

I open my eyes, but his hand reaches to my face and shuts them. I try to move my hands but I realize they're above my head, and they won't budge. He's tied them up to the headrest. The suddenness of the situation somehow shocks me, and I jerk about, his finger still inside me.

I hear him soothe me down and his voice is enough for me to stop from panicking. He slides another finger into me. I roll my head back, obviously at his mercy.

"You can open your eyes now."

As the light hits my pupils, I see Jim crouched beside me, his fingers still playing inside my tight hole. How he managed to tie me up and I didn't feel it is beyond me. I'm still enjoying it.

He gets up, pulling out of me, and leans over the bed, retrieving something from under it. I'm shocked to see him retrieve a vibrator. It looks exactly like the one I have at my apartment. Did he go and get it for me? Is it a new one?

"You want this?"

I nod in agreement. He glides it over to my pussy but lets it rest there.

"Beg for it, then."
"Please..."

He smirks at me. What is he playing at?

"Please, Jim."
"No... That's not my name."

I'm puzzled now. For a moment, I don't know what to answer. Suddenly, it hits me.

"Please... master. Put it in me."

He obliges. I almost release instantly when it slides into me. He turns it on at high intensity. It hurts, but I don't really mind at this point. I scream in satisfaction as it makes me come. As the tension lowers, I realize he's leaving it in, turned on.

"Please, master... please..."
"Please what?"
"I want to feel you in me..."
"No."

He's enjoying this and I'm enjoying it too. We've done this type of thing before but never at this level.

"Please... turn it down a notch... please."
"What will you do for it?"
"I'll... do anything."

He smiles. He complies with my request and turns it down a notch.

"Suck my dick!"

It is so unusual to hear Jim talk like this; it turns me on even more. The vibrator is still working my sex as he straddles me, gliding his hard shaft between my breasts. He forces himself into my mouth and starts pumping. I'Ve given him blowjobs before but never has he been the done doing the pumping. He's really getting into this whole master/slave notion. The excitement and novelty of the event is stimulating to an extent I have never experienced with Jim.

"Don't you dare come before me..."

His threatening words are only half sincere, but I'm dying to find out what might happen if I did, so I let it. I let my orgasm overtake me, stopping my sucking motion as I do. He pulls away and lets me scream my heart out a second time. He hurriedly pulls the vibrator out of me, turns it off and slides it into my mouth. So many fantasies are coming alive this morning. I lick my own juices hard.

"That's right... taste it..."

He pushes it in a little too far and I choke. Immediately, he pulls it out, and I find my Jim underneath his tough exterior.

"Are you okay?"
"Yeah... no problem... I'm sorry, master... I came before you."

I play apologetic and remorseful, to help him get back into character. He's doing a great job and I don't want him to stop.

"You did... you need to be punished."

He rolls me onto my belly; my hands are tied so they don't cross as he does it. He lifts my behind, putting me on hands and knees and starts slapping my ass hard, not enough to really cause pain but enough for the sound to reverberate in the room. I feel myself getting wet all over. I break out of character for a moment.

"You can hit harder, it doesn't really hurt."

He tries to take my cue and slaps. This time, I feel it. And another. And another. When is he going to stop? I lose count of how many times he slaps me. My cheeks are on fire now, and I'm dripping all over the sheets. I hear a small "Wow" on his part.

"This really turns you on."
"Can't help it, sorry."

He gets behind me and rams into me as hard as he can. I feel his hard presence entering me, swaying back and forth. This is all too much this morning. I hear him panting; he's ready to burst. I'm about to come too. Suddenly, he pulls out of me, and unexpectedly releases on top my back. He's never done this before.

"That's because you came before me..."

I'm frustrated that he didn't shoot into me yet happy that he experienced the allure of the power. He collapses in bed besides me; I move to untie my hands. I could have done so at any time, but it was nice to be at his mercy.

"Wow... Jim, you surprised me this morning."
"I thought you might enjoy it."
"When did you get that toy? Is it mine?"
"No... Bought it a few days ago."
"You're a naughty boy. You weren't shy buying it for me?"
"A little, but I decided I'd do it anyway."
"It was great idea... and a great gift.... can you wipe my back?"

He laughs and proceeds to do so. I look at the time and realize it's already almost eleven AM.

"I've been up for two hours now."
"You let me sleep?"
"You looked so comfortable... I didn't want to wake you at first."
"I'm glad you did."

Jim seems quiet all of a sudden. I try to get him talking, and we play around with words before he actually tells me what's really on his mind.

"I think... I've been unfair."
"Unfair? To whom?"
"To everyone. You, Jenn, myself."
"Is this about Jenn?"
"No... This is about me. I'm scared, Sarah. Scared I might lose you."
"Why?"
"Because I was raised in a good, clean, wholesome family. A mom and a dad, kids, stability... I see you with Jenn, and I always wonder... would she go back to her and leave me?"
"Jim! I'd never do that."
"How can you be sure?"

His question hits me like a semi-trailer. He's right. I can't be sure. I don't think I would, but then again, the future is unwritten, and things can happen.

"My job... my needs as your boyfriend is to answer your needs, as well as mine. That includes sex... but if you can get sex anywhere, anytime... what makes ours special?"
"Jim, I think I know why you're afraid."

I kiss him passionately before continuing.

"You're the one I've chosen. I want to spend my life with you. I know this sounds like a commitment, and it is. From the way I was brought up, I always believed one day I'd meet the man of my dreams. And you're it."
"But how can you say that and have sex with Jennifer?
"Because sex and love... they're two different things. I agree, they get confusing. All the time. And I can't say I don't still love Jennifer. But can you say you don't still love Kim, at all?"

He pauses to consider. Me bringing up his old girlfriend may be the way to make him understand me better.

"Maybe. I haven't seen her in years."
"But if she dropped in, tomorrow, and wanted to rekindle your affair, what would you do?"
"I wouldn't act on it."
"Even if you wanted it badly?"
"No... well, I don't think I'd act on it. Because of you."
"Really? Because of me? You'd hold back because of me?"
"I wouldn't want to hurt you."
"So... it would be my fault if you didn't do anything."
"That's not what I'm saying."
"But that's what you're thinking."

I let my words sink in.

"Jim, think about it. The only reason you're holding back from doing anything with Jenn - or anyone else - is for my sake. But that's not true. You're doing it for your sake."
"If I was doing it for my sake, I might act on it. But you might get hurt."
"But it's still your decision. It always is."

We remain quiet for a moment. The conversation is taking an unexpected turn, but I don't want to let it die out. We need to adress this issue before moving on.

"To me, there's love and there's sex. That's why I can do it."
"I'm not sure it's the same with me."
"Maybe it isn't. But that doesn't mean we're incompatible. You've come a long way in a few shorts months. I've grown too; I'm more mature and more in control. Thanks to you. I'm not saying I want to have sex with other people, because I don't. I'm saying if we don't entertain the possibility, if we take each other for granted, and imagine that the other won't be affected, there will be trouble."
"I don't take you for granted... you keep me on my toes."
"And I apologize for any stress this might cause you."

Jim's next comment takes me by surprise.

"Sometimes, I think we should break up for a while."
"What?"
"Let me finish. You're asking me to be open-minded and to think outside of the box. But I've never done it before I met you. And now, now that we're together, it feels like I can't... experiment. For your sake. Maybe it really is about me, though, come to think of it. I'm the one holding myself back."
"Here's the thing with me, Jim. In all my previous relationships, Jennifer, Brad, the others before them, I've always had an openness about experimenting. Brad enjoyed seeing me with other girls. I swapped partners with Claire and Cassie while I was with Jennifer. I've always done these things. I guess I can understand where you're coming from."
"It feels wrong sometimes, to have these thoughts."
"On that, I have to agree with you. But I've learned that they're just thoughts, and that they're not wrong if you're conscious about them. If everyone's on the up-and-up."
"This is probably going to sound mean, Sarah, but do you think, maybe, your previous relationships didn't work out because of that openness?"

I can sense the anxiety in Jim's voice as he rolls out the question. To be honest, the thought has crossed my mind more than once. But when I look back at those relationships, I realize that it's not likely to be the case, or maybe just once, with my second boyfriend.

"It's not mean. It's a valid question and maybe it influenced things."
"I'm just trying to make sense of it."
"You think that maybe if we weren't together, you might be more open to trying things out with other people?"
"Maybe. I don't really know. I don't want us to be apart. I love you. You make me feel great, alive. But sometimes, questions creep up."

We fall silent for a second time in the conversation. Jim switches topics.

"I've thought about tonight. I think you should be in charge of Brigitte, and I'll handle Brad."
"All right."
"And... if you want to... play with Brigitte, I don't mind."
"Are you sure?"
"No!"

He laughs. I hug him tight.

"I won't do anything either of us might regret, I promise."

He kisses me.

"I'm still trying to understand how I could stand and watch and film you and Jennifer in costume, and why it didn't bother me."
"Maybe because it was fiction."
"Perhaps. It's still a little surreal."
"Think of it like this. It was acting, and that's why I think it was... relatively okay. You were behind the camera and experiencing... the distance."
"The distance?"
"Yeah... you weren't involved, you were just watching. It wasn't me and Jenn, it was our characters. Roleplaying. You're a little voyeur, aren't you?"
"You know I am."
"I think that's why this appealed to you. You weren't involved, so you didn't have to get emotionally involved, you didn't have to ask questions."
"Could be."
"Maybe we can work with that..."
"How?"
"I'm not sure. But let's think about it. We should really get up. We're already late for the beach!"

We hurriedly get up and decide not to take a shower. I put my bikini under my clothes as Jim gathers stuff for lunch. I'm glad we had that chat. It puts things into perspective. I'm not saying I want him to have sex with someone else, but I am thinking that if he did, and if he was honest about it, I'd be fine with it. He hasn't reached the point where he can split sex and love: most people never do. I'm not infallible in that department either. I guess we'll both have to see if we want to work on it.