[interesting]

There we were, sitting at my kitchen table, Sarah and me one side, Jennifer on the other, coffee and tea on the table, trying to resolve our common problems.

At first, Jennifer listened to what Sarah and I had to say. We started out with facts. We told her that we had discussed everyone's encounters and had made sure that all details were known. This had caused quite a reaction in her face, but she had kept quiet all the same. Once the events that had led to this conversation had been spelled out, namely Sarah's encounter in the shower and mine in the bedroom, we had asked Jennifer why she had come on to both of us. Her answer was a question, which sparked quite a conversation.

"Why did you let me?"

It was a way for her to protect herself from our judgement, but Sarah and I had already agreed that we would not judge Jennifer for her actions too harshly, mainly because we had already answered the question she had just come up with.

Sarah was the first to speak.

"Well, for my part... I'm going to have to be honest with you Jennifer. There was... some pity.
"Pity."

The word sounded like a swear word when uttered by Jennifer. Sarah tried to elaborate.

"I've been riding high for months now, and I know you've been alongside me all this time, experiencing my ups and downs. Suddenly, Jim enters my life, and while you're still there... well, you fall back a spot. When you stepped into the shower with me, I realized we hadn't done it for months. When you kissed me, for a moment, I did forget about Jim. I wanted to please you... but I couldn't.
"You led me on...
"Please, Jenn, be reasonable. You wanted this as much as me."

Jennifer silently apologizes.

"I'm not blaming you for what happened; I love you too much for that. I'm trying to understand what happened, why it happened.
"I'm sorry... go ahead.
"I did lead you on, for a moment. I wanted to please you, I wanted to give you what you sought... but I thought of Jim, and suddenly, it didn't feel right. I stopped you before it got too far.
"So it was pity sex...
"No, more than that. I love you, Jenn, you're my best friend, you were my lover when I had no one else. But now I have Jim.
"And he's good enough for you.
"He is where I am right now. Not to be mean to Jim (she looked at me while talking) but I don't know where I'll be a year from now. Jenn, you've been too good to me for me to forsake you. What I want is to make this, our friendship, work."

Sarah turned to me. It was my turn to explain my situation. Before I could speak, Jennifer intervened.

"It's hard, you know. I know, I'm the one who broke up with you, but still, I had... privileges. It's tough letting go.
"I know, Sarah said. Why don't we hear from Jim?"

I cleared my throat. I had thought a lot about what I wanted to say, how I had felt and how the incident had impacted my relationship with Sarah. I needed to be candid with Jennifer, and even though Sarah already knew what I was going to say, it still felt awkward to spell it out loud.

"I've never been in this situation, Jenn. You have to understand, everything about this is new to me. I've never had any female friends... let alone people with whom I was comfortable getting naked around that weren't my partner. When we... got together, I got overstimulated at first, then scared. A lot. Sarah knows I like to be in control, and I lost it.
"Is it because I tied you up?
"No. Maybe. It probably didn't help. It's not like I haven't fantasized about it. I haven't forgotten what you told me in the bathroom at the party.
"About?
"About wanting to... fuck me."

Jennifer smiles.

"It's flattering. Unsettling a little, but you're gorgeous, sexy. You flaunt your sexuality like a second skin. You do turn me on. But I'm with Sarah, and that's a choice, for now at least."

Sarah looks at me and provides support. She knows what I'm talking about and lets me continue.

"The games we played were... some of the most erotic experiences I've ever had. They may seem bland to you...
"They don't...
"...well, to me, they're intense and intoxicating. I'm not at your comfort level, so my emotions play tricks on me. I wanted you to suck me... but then the image of Sarah popped in and... well, you know the rest."

I had said my piece. I had been honest. Jennifer was a hot girl and of course, I wanted to have sex with her, but not at the expense of my relationship with Sarah. I think Sarah felt exactly the same way, but about both of us, which made her situation slightly more intimate than mine. We looked at Jennifer, waiting for her reactions. She took her time gathering her thoughts, as we had. I refilled her coffee cup.

"Here's the thing Sarah... Jim has changed things.
"How so?
"Well... let me give you an example. Remember when we were together, those six months?
"Sure, very well.
"Do you recall, over the summer, that party we had at Claire's place?
"I do.
"We were together, right?
"Yeah, you and me, an item.
"Do you remember swapping partners?
"I do. I went with Cassie, you went with Claire.
"And how did it feel?
"It was great watching you get it on with Claire... and being with Cassie was awesome for me too.
"So what changed?
"I don't get your question.
"Why do you cling to Jim? Why won't you do the same with Jim as you did with me?
"If I remember correctly, you were the one who proposed the swap.
"Actually, it was Claire, and we both agreed. But since Jim's been here, it's only been you two."

I felt I had to intervene, but Sarah made a discreet move to keep me quiet so I let them speak.

"Have you told him about what we did the week before you started going out with him?
"What exactly did we do?
"The thing with me and Tom?
"Oh... not really.
"What about at the mid-semester party, when you were chasing him... with you, Bonnie and Barry in the shower?"

I was intrigued of course, because Sarah had not shared those events with me. I wondered why Jennifer was bringing them up. Even if Sarah had experienced a few sexual encounters, they had happened before we had gotten together.

"I didn't.
"Why? Did you want to protect him from the real you?
"The real me?"

Jennifer seemed agitated. She wanted Sarah to say something and I was not sure what she was hinting at, though I was suspecting.

"Even when you were going out with Brad, you still had sex with other people, and Brad knew about it. He didn't mind. He was there most of the time, watching and appreciating!
"That was high school.
"And now, two years later, Jim comes along, and you shield him from all that. Sarah, I hate to break it to you, but you're not a one-person woman, and if you think you are, you're fooling yourself."

Jennifer's comment took Sarah aback. I placed my hand on her shoulder.

"Are you all right? I inquired.
"Yes... I'm fine."

Jennifer decided not to say anything more for the moment. Sarah was obviously unnerved by Jennifer's comment.

"Have I changed that much?
"You have. I'm not saying it's a bad thing, I'm just saying... I don't know what I'm saying."

Jennifer looked away this time. She was sorry for raising her tone and angry at herself for feeling the way she did. Sarah stared at me, inquisitive.

"Do you think it's true? That I... can't be with just one person?
"I don't know. I think... as long as you're happy with someone. But that's me.
"Jennifer is right, to some extent. I am holding back... for your sake.
"Does it hurt to hold back? Does it make you uneasy?"

Sarah took some time to ponder the question. As she did, Jennifer called me out.

"Jim, I like you a lot. I may even love you, whatever that means to me. Sarah loves you, and I would never do anything to hurt her. But... you are, to some extent, in the way. Since you've been in Sarah's life, fully, I have barely seen her. She spends all her time with you... I am jealous. I'm jealous because what we had is now unattainable. I can't speak for Sarah, but I know it hurts me.
"What did you have then, that my presence takes away?
"Shower time... massages, hanging out... having sex once in a while... masturbating in front of each other. We did it at least once a week before. We haven't done it since you've been together. I know this must sound shallow...
"I think I understand the logic.
"And it's not you personally. It might be the same with someone else. I just have to learn to cope with it.
"Well, we are taking chances... I mean, being naked in front of each other all the time can't help, for instance."

Both Sarah and Jennifer agreed. There was such openness to their relationship that I had intruded upon it. They had both managed to integrate me in their routine, but everything was now out of sync. Sarah finally broke her silence.

"I do miss some of the things we used to do, and I have gotten carried away with Jim. But I love him, and I want to spend time with him too."

I wanted to help so I intervened.

"Look, you can still hang out and do stuff together, all three of us.
"But Jim, asked Jennifer, how far are you willing to commit?
"Commit?
"Say... and this is extreme, but just listen... say Sarah and me want to masturbate in front of each other, like we used to. Would you allow it? Would you participate? Three is a crowd.
"I do have limits, Jenn, but okay, I'll humor you. Say you two want to take a shower together, I don't mind. But you have to be able to hold back.
"But what if we can't? Would you forgive Sarah or me?
"You're speculating here, I don't know how I would react. If I sincerely believed it just happened, maybe. It's hard to know without having experienced it. I'm just guessing here."

It was Sarah who spoke. Her words, decisive, settled the argument.

"All right. Let's find out.
"Find out what?"

I was curious.

"Let's find out how far we can go.
"You'll have to be more specific."

Sarah took my hand.

"Jim, you trust me, right?
"You always ask that question when you're going to ask something of me.
"I do, don't I? Okay. Jennifer has a point. I can't simply transform myself overnight. I have been aching for... well... my old routine. My new routine is wonderful too, but I need both, I think.
"What do you propose then?
"I want us to find a way to make this work. You, Jennifer, me.
"A threesome?"

My question must have sounded a little excited and a little worried.

"Well, not really. But I do want to share everything with you. Even Jennifer. She means more to me than I can even let on."

Sarah stared at Jennifer.

"Do you want to give this a try?
"Sure. Anything to spend some time with my favorite girl.
"Jim?
"I'm not saying no, but I need to know more.
"Here's what I propose. We set up a date, where all three of us meet to experiment a little. We set ground rules according to the chosen activity; I even suggest we put one of us in charge of that date, to see what each person comes up with. It will be less pressure on one individual.
"Go on.
"Whoever is in charge gets to plan the event; but of course, anyone can back out at any time if they feel uncomfortable with anything. That way, nothing happens that we don't want to happen."

Jennifer seemed to agree with the idea. There were aspects of Sarah's suggestion which disturbed me, but the notion of being able to back out reassured me. And truth be told, there was a part of me that wanted to experiment. It was more than the notion of a threesome, although I'm sure that idea played itself right into my fantasies. There was a need to make everything all right again, to make Sarah happy, to restore her friendship with Jennifer.

That alone would have been sufficient to convince me. But there was no way for me to predict how things would turn out in the end. Perhaps that was the most thrilling part of it all.