[rhl]

I have had 2 first times one I wanted and the other more like a rape.
I had been spending time with a Male friend, weeki had not had a girl
friend for a while. I started to flirt with him, not wanting to ask.
Im over at his place woking on his PC. He comes over indoors his presents, lowers his underwear and offers me his dick, putting it in front of my face. He simply said, "I know you want it". I could not deny it and wrapped my lips around his manhood. Was I nervous yes, was I excited definitely, did I like the taste, not really.
He grabbed my head and started pumping. When I felt the throbbing start, I placed my hands on his ass and pressed myself up to him. taking every inch of his rod the squirt went straight down the back of my throat. Was it what I thought it would be? Not sure since I did not know what to expect, but it really turned him on, and from then on he offered me his rod when I was over, I now feel that I am unable to refuse. I think he feels guilty and eats me also. Yes things get better.
We have 69, showered together, I sucked him off in the shower.
Once when we where filling around, I pulled his ass down onto my face. He was not sure about this, but I kept occasionally I would do it again, eventually with a little communication and prodding I got him to sit on my face for an hour.
Once the ground was broken, it was simply small steps to open him up,
One fantasy I have had and have not been able to perform is for him to be sitting, my mouth is over his rod with my head secured in place. C For the next 30 - 60 minutes im testing his rod as if it was a lollypop.

The other time in high school, sophomore I think. A neighbor boy friend started asking me if we can jerk each other off, I always refused. One day he has something to show me in his bedroom when he pulls out a rope, telling me to relax, hell I wa scared and wanted to run but he was a lot stronger. As he ties me to the bed, he says relax, this is just practice for a girl I never in mind, that girl was my sister. Once im tied he takes off his pants, I'm freaking out but to scare too react, he hops on the bed, straddles over me telling me to open my mouth. his rod entered, without being prompted or told I do what is expected. After he came, he put his hand over my mouth and told me to swallow. I was super scared ans did not enjoy. Our friendship continued, for a month never mentioning this day. Then one day on one of our walks, he turns to me and says. Or you going fo be a good friend or do I have to tie you up again, right there in three woods I let him have his way with me. It really made me feel dirty and disgusting even though I new it was not my fault, but I did willingly let him use me.
The next and last time, he made me undo his pants which I willingly, out of fear did. I then performed doing what he desired as he laid on the bench. This made me really feel dirty since I then not only willingly but was not being physically forced. I'll never know if he would have accepted no for an answer.
I found out later he hooked up with another boy and I never swallowed his cum again

Let's compare the two events.
I felt I had no choice compared with yes I know I really want it.
Forced to swallow versus I want to make my man happy, so I swallow, he never swallowed mine but spit it into a towel. Once I dared him to give me a kiss, transferring my sperm back to me, I swallowed.
With the high school boy, after the first time it felt more like a hooker who simply performs in the way their client desires, versus, it gets me excited in pleasing my friend and pushing his limits as he wanted to please me.
I even got him to give me a golden shower, it was so hot, but never was able to get permission to eat ass, I settled for being sat on.