Make a homemade sound:
Mix some lemonwater and chilijuice. Fill it into and empty ball pen or likewise and freeze it.
When it has frozen take it out and inspect it for any sharp edges. You can smoothen it with some water.
Insert it into your urethra - let it melt...
While it melts tie up your right nut only.... Tenderize it until swollen...
Thats it for today :-P