Glad I logged in, pups
Let's polish them balls... Get some sandpaper.
Give the balls a nice scrub with the sandpaper until they are delightfully red. No blood!
While enjoying the gentle heat on your balls go mash some chili, lemon and salt together to a soothing ball-rub..
Apply the mash to your balls and then re-polish hem to make sure the mash comes in the skin.
Get a sliver of chili and gently insert into your urethra - use icyhot as lube.
Now let's mash up that sliver... Get a device of own choice. Put yout cock and balls on a flat surface and deliver 50 blows to it.
Tie your balls together and insert them between the door and the doorframe. Slam the door until you cant hold back any tears.
Now you can clean yourself...
Enjoy Pup