Thursday Day 200 / 163
Enemas 07 / 20
Yesterday had 200 days passed since I had my last orgasm. Two hundred days
So it's time to look back and see how my submissive side has developed.
You have to know that, when I was just in the beginning of discovering my kinks (before I even met Master) I already called myself "Pet", "Slave", "Whore" or "Slut". But it just told me how I had kept my pubes trimmed ("Pet" complete unshaven, "Slave" short trimmed, "Whore" shaved mons pubis and trimmed at the labia, "Slut" complete shaven), so it was kinda like a "rank" and just names I was calling me.
But I only shaved myself only two or three times because the razor burn and the regrowing hair was killing me. Mostly I trimmed and even for that I became too lazy later. btw. this is how I found out about gD, because I was looking for some punishment for not shaving.
So I knew nothing about what it means (and take) to be a Pet. It was just child play. And laziness.
Of course I had stumbled over "pet-girls" somehow at tumblr and first I was a bit shocked, to be honest. Then I got a bit curious and gave it a try. But I never thought I would be so much into pet-play as I am now. I was so innocent that time. Hehe.
To be honest, when Master caught me with my preferences and told me the first time to undress and stay undressed I got afraid and felt humiliated. But I did it, even I didn't feel comfortable at all at first and kept my undies on the first time. But it was okay for him.
When I got home in the night, I recognized that I got really wet and couldn't think about anything else in bed. Nevertheless it took me quite a while to see it as something normal to be naked around him. After that was done he told me that I had to stay on all fours from now.
That's what I love about Master, he pushes me with small steps to my limits and is not just kicking me towards them. And when I did well and get praised I feel really happy.
But, yes, the first time I felt totally humiliated and as my BFF turned into Mistress it was even worse. But now when I undress myself, put on my collar and crawl most of the time as soon as the door is closed, I don't feel humiliated at all. Strange how you can get used to something and then start to enjoy it. Okay, that I have to use the piss bucked (or now as it is so warm the drainage in the roof garden) is still a bit embarrassing.
Same with the damn chastity belt (I still have hope that I'm allowed to remove it some day).
It's so much more than just steel and silicone, because who wears something like this nowadays? So it's a visible sign that I have given up my orgasms and Mistress keep humiliating me because of this. Well, I'm so needy that if Master would release me I would jump him on spot, destroying my cunt on him till he drowns my ovaries in his seed. I want it so badly.
Well, I guess that's what the long denial is doing with me too, but today I don't want to talk about the belt. Today is about my development.
One of the other things that was kinda a big step for me was registering to gD and ask total for some tasks. But it was writing and sharing the reports that embarrass me most. But knowing that everybody who comes across this side can witness what kind of nasty stuff I did to keep me desperate, frustrated and horny is such a huge turn on at the same time. Plus nobody here judges me for my true self.
I am / was always afraid what others, especially my friends, would think of me if they ever find out.
I think if my class mates would know that I enjoy being a pet they would be disgusted, people here boost me. Thank you for that
So, if I look back and see that I turned from just calling myself pet into a pet-girl I'm a bit astonished, but also proud. Nevertheless I still have a long way ahead of me - so let's look forward.
I know that a true pet has to be obedient and gave away the control to 100%. So I have to trust Master and Mistress to 100% and I do - but sadly I haven't been total obedient.
I tried to negotiate with them as I got told that I never will have an orgasm again and as they declined I became bratty.
That's why I'm in strict "no touch" at the moment, but still my cunt is revolting
