I'm terribly sorry to hear about the loss of your son. That is an awful tragedy and I wouldn't wish that fate upon any parent.
The only advice I can give you is to surround yourself with male friends who will support you and make you feel less alone in this rough time. Female friends are valuable too but other men will understand and relate to your situation much better. Plus, you most likely will feel a lot less self conscious about admitting your personal issues to other men than women.
Find a male role model in your life who has been through hard times and ask him for advice in these types of situations. Ask him how he got through it. Only then will you be able to find the kind of wisdom you seek. It needs to be a face to face real life conversation. You won't find that kind of guidance/support/inspiration you need right now on an online forum...or even with a psychologist for that matter. It needs to be REAL and PERSONAL for it to truly resonate with you.
I wish you the best of luck in piecing your life back together. Again, sorry about your tragic loss.
Sincerely,
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