[alli55]

“When do you think Gemma will be on?” Lissie asks no-one in particular.

“How do I know?” her Dad replies. “What am I, a clairvoyant?”

The theme music interrupts any comeback there might have been from Lissie, thank goodness!

“Welcome back to Britain’s Most Daring!” says Trixie. “Our daredevils have been taking on their first dares this week, with mixed success so far.”

“That’s right!” continues Joe. “James and Shanumi have done themselves proud, but poor Bex looks like she could be staring the Live Dare-Off in the face!”

“But there are plenty more to go, so she may yet escape!” Trixie adds, by way of encouragement. “Let’s see how Bradley and Mia found their dare! Olly takes up the story.”

The screen shows Olly casually leaning back against a horizontal metal pole, that forms part of the fence dividing the path he is stood on from a sandy beach. It is definitely not a day for being on the beach, though, as we see large waves breaking spectacularly behind him, and the wind is playing havoc with his extravagant hairstyle! He is looking cold, having foregone a coat in order to show off his tall, striking frame in a checked shirt with long sleeves and smart-casual trousers.

“Faced with the prospect of having to convince people they are foreigners,” he tells us, “Bradley and Mia have both had the same idea of how to go about this, as Mia explains.”

We see Mia standing next to Olly on the seafront, which we now assume is in her hometown, Weymouth. She is telling Olly about her idea.

“I think the best way to do this is if I pretend to be a tourist from abroad. That way I can just kind of mingle with the crowd and ask people things in a foreign accent!”

“Have you got anywhere in mind?” Olly asks her.

“Well, I need somewhere that lots of foreign tourists go to, so I thought about going up to London,” she says, “but then I thought of somewhere closer that would be really cool!”

“And where’s that?”

“Stonehenge.”

The scene changes and we see Olly standing on a gravel path that leads to some wooden buildings. On the side of one of these buildings is a sign: ‘Welcome to Wookey Hole’, it reads.

The camera pans round to show Bradley walking towards us. When he reaches Olly, he stops to answer the presenter’s questions.

“Bradley,” Olly begins, “welcome to Wookey Hole! Have you been before?”

“Yeah,” Bradley answers, “I came when I was a kid.”

“So, what’s the idea?” asks Olly.

Bradley reveals his strategy: “I’m going to pretend to be an Australian tourist. I want to do the tour with a decent-sized group, so that there are plenty of people to talk to and get me a better score for my dare.”

“Sounds like a plan!” says Olly. “How’s your Australian accent?”

“It’s not bad, mate!” Bradley replies, in an embarrassingly-bad Australian accent.

“Hmmm, good luck with that!” says Olly, as he looks into camera and raises his eyebrows.

We see Bradley walk off towards the entrance to Wookey Hole, before the scene changes once more. Now, Olly and Mia are standing side-by-side, with the distinctive stones visible behind them.

“Well, here we are at Stonehenge,” Olly informs us, rather unnecessarily given what we can see in the background. “So, Mia, have you decided on an accent?” he asks his companion.

“Well I did French GCSE, so I might try that,” she says, “maybe if I throw in a few French words as well, it will make it more convincing!”

“And if that fails?” Olly surprisingly asks, seeming to show little confidence in Mia’s ability.

“If that fails, then,” she replies, “does Welsh count as foreign?”

The shot widens and we see groups of people milling about. Mia turns and walks towards the nearest of them.

Over this shot we hear Olly say, “Bradley and Mia are ready for their day as foreign tourists. So, how will they get on? Let’s take a look!”

This leads into a montage of Mia, at Stonehenge, and Bradley, at Wookey Hole, both trying to pass themselves off as foreign tourists. Mia approaches various groups, and throws in a few French words and phrases, as she told us she would, to add to her passable French accent. We see Bradley hanging around near the entrance to the caves, waiting for a large-enough group of people to gather. After a sequence of shots of Mia wandering around Stonehenge with various other tourists, happily chatting with all of them, we return to Bradley as he finally latches on to a group and heads underground. We then see him at points along the tour where the guide has stopped to show them something of particular interest. He asks the guide a couple of questions in his mangled Aussie accent, and also attempts to engage his fellow tourists in conversation. Without exception, they try to ignore him. As the montage comes towards its conclusion, it is clear that Mia is having more success than Bradley, possibly because of her ability to add a few French phrases to her repertoire. The montage ends with Bradley turning to camera and exclaiming, “This is hopeless!”

“So, Bradley,” asks Trixie, once the film has ended and the applause subsided, “was it that bad?”

“Yes,” he says, “for a start there was hardly anyone there, which didn’t help. And I couldn’t get the accent quite right.”

Joe looks at him in mock disbelief. “Have you never seen Neighbours?”

Bradley just looks at Joe, smiles, and shrugs.

“What made you choose an Australian accent?” Joe asks him.

“I thought I could do one!”

“And, now, …?

Bradley gives an embarrassed cough. “It might have been a mistake!” he concedes.

Trixie rests her hand on his arm, sympathetically, as she says, “Shall we see what the DAPAs say about it?”

The DAPAs are unimpressed, with Dan giving him 4 and Danielle just 3, making a combined score of 7, which is going to leave him vulnerable. Bradley nods his head slightly, acknowledging that the score, whilst low, is deserved.

“Well, Bradley,” Trixie tells him what he must already know, “that could leave you in the Dare-Off. How d’you feel?”

“Let’s hope some of the others are even worse!” he says, optimistically.

As the studio audience applaud, the camera swings from Trixie and Bradley to Joe and Mia.

“So, Mia,” begins Joe, “how did your sightseeing go?”

“Stonehenge was great!” Mia replies.

“What about the dare?” Joe asks.

“Yeah, that went okay!” she tells him. “There weren’t as many people as I was expecting, but I managed to talk to quite a few.”

Trixie has joined the pair, and asks Mia, “And how long did it take them to rumble you?”

“I don’t think any of them did,” Mia says, confidently.

“Are you sure about that?” Joe asks, with a hint of menace in his voice.

“Fairly,” she offers, visibly losing confidence.

“Let’s see, shall we?!” he says.

We see Olly, still at Stonehenge, with a couple who look to be in their sixties and we assume are husband and wife. The man looks into camera and speaks with an exaggerated comedy French accent.

“Leesten very keffully, I shall say zees only wernce! Zat girl, she ees not French. I sink she ees barmee!”

The audience laugh appreciatively, though it is quite likely that a lot of the younger members won’t fully understand the joke. When we return to the studio shot, it is obvious that Mia is among those who don’t get it. Rather than ruin the effect by having to explain it all, Joe simply hands over to his co-presenter.

“What are you thinking, Trixie?” he asks.

“I think we need to go over to the DAPAs!” she tells him.

Mia is thoroughly unimpressed and disappointed when the DAPAs award her a total of 11 points, 6 from Dan and 5 from Danielle. Although it will, almost certainly, keep her safe from the Dare-Off, it’s lower than she thinks she deserves. The audience’s groans suggest they agree with her. She indicates her displeasure with a slow shake of her head.

“The DAPAs didn’t seem to like your attempt, Mia!” Trixie tells her.

“I don’t get it!” Mia complains. “Just because one old man thinks he’s funny they go and knock me down like that? I mean, come on!”

The audience applaud, as they decide to back Mia in her dispute with the DAPAs. For their part, the DAPAs just shrug and shake their heads in response.

“The DAPAs are not making themselves popular!” Joe comments.

“But they’re not here to win friends,” Trixie reminds us, “they’re here to analyse dare attempts. So, let’s give them some more to analyse! Joe, what have we got for them?”

“We’re going to see Mitchell, Tommy, and Eilidh, attempting to demonstrate their celebrity status to unsuspecting members of the public!”

A slightly longer montage follows, as the three daredevils try various methods to convince people that they are famous. …

… In his early appearances in the montage, we see Tommy showing us an image, on his phone, of Sean Bean. Next, he indicates that he thinks his own weather-beaten features might make people mistake him for the famous actor, and decides to play that card. …

… Right from the start, Mitchell goes for the ‘dress like a celeb, be mistaken for a celeb’ approach that worked so well for Shanumi, only, to begin with at least, he hasn’t quite taken it to the same level that she did. …

… Eilidh, meanwhile, is seen striking up conversations with random strangers on park benches, with little success. The most common reaction of her victims appears to be to simply get up and walk away! …

… Mitchell gradually adds more bling to his celebrity get-up, but it doesn’t seem to be getting him any more success. …

… Eilidh continues to harass her fellow park-goers, but it is becoming noticeable that she is targeting old ladies. We are left to wonder if she is taking advantage of the more confused members of society …

… Tommy has found an elderly lady of his own, and his OAP is determined to get a hug from the friendly man she has happened to meet in the street! Tommy obliges, but then looks increasingly uncomfortable when she won’t let go of him! …

… Mitchell appears to have met with some success, as we see him surrounded by a group of children, several of whom are asking for selfies. We have no idea who they think he is! …

… The montage finishes with a shot of Eilidh sitting on a bench with yet another pair of pensioners. She is telling them all about her role in Hollyoaks. Judging by their blank expressions, not only do they not recognise Eilidh, they almost certainly have never heard of Hollyoaks either!

We return to the studio, where the three daredevils are sat in the middle three seats of the front row of chairs, with Joe and Trixie sat on either end.

“So,” Trixie says to Mitchell, “we saw Shanumi demonstrate the effectiveness of a flashy appearance, but did it work for you?”

“Not really,” Mitchell admits, “I don’t think the people of Winchester are really into the whole celebrity thing!”

Joe leans forward so Mitchell can see him more easily, and asks, “Mitchell, where was your limo?”

Mitchell laughs, and we hear Shanumi giggling behind him. “I never thought of that,” he confesses.

“Well did you convince anyone?” asks Trixie.

“I did get a group of kids thinking I’d been in a couple of Star Wars films!” Mitchell tells us.

“Well,” Joe says, picking up the Star Wars reference, “will the force be with you, or will wor two Darth DAPAs be your downfall? Let’s find out!”

Actually, it’s somewhere in between. Mitchell gets a 7 from Dan and a 6 from Danielle, who seems to be consistently marking lower than her fellow DAPA, making a total of 13. He’s reasonably happy with that, and the audience’s applause is warm.

Turning to Tommy, Joe says, somewhat incredulously, “Sean Bean?”

“Yeah?” replies Tommy.

“Have you ever looked in a mirror?” Joe asks.

“I take the odd glance, now and then.”

“It must be a very odd glance!”

Trixie intervenes. “Did you find anyone else who thought there was a resemblance?” she asks Tommy.

“To be honest, half the people didn’t seem to know who Sean Bean was!” he tells her. “I thought I looked like him,” he adds, “but I might be the only one who does!”

“I think you are, mate!” Joe confirms. “DAPAs …?”

The DAPAs award Tommy 4 points each, possibly just for the sheer nerve of trying to be Sean Bean. The overall score of 8 leaves him in the bottom three at this point.

“I’ll take that!” he tells Trixie when she asks him what he thinks of his score. The audience respond well to his positivity.

“Eilidh, where were you,” Joe begins, “in a park or in the garden of the local home for the bewildered?”

The studio audience laugh, as does Eilidh. “It was a park,” she tells Joe. “Really, it was!” she adds, when he looks at her suspiciously.

He continues on the same theme. “So, did you target the care home residents on their day out?” he asks her, eliciting more laughs.

“No,” Eilidh assures him, “it just looks like that!”

“How do you think it went?” asks Trixie.

“They were all lovely,” Eilidh tells her, “and I’m sure some of them actually believed I was a young film actress. It’s just doesnae come across in the film. No-one wanted a selfie, but I dinnae think they even know what a selfie is!”

“I’m not sure many of them know what a phone is!” quips Joe.

“Okay, DAPAs, let’s have your scores for Eilidh, please!” instructs Trixie.

Eilidh’s technique of trying to confuse the elderly of Greenock appears to have achieved enough to keep her safe, as the DAPAs give her a 6 and a 5, split in the usual way with Dan awarding the higher score.

She is perfectly happy with her score, as she tells Trixie. “That’s a wee bit better than I thought, so I’m very happy with that! Anything that keeps me away from the Dare-Off is fine by me!”

“So, at this stage,” Trixie sums up for us, “it’s Tommy, Bradley and Bex facing the Dare-Off, but that could still all change! See you after the break for more Britain’s Most Daring!”

“It’s looking good for Gemma, isn’t it!?” Maddie says. “She should easily get more than 8, so she shouldn’t have to worry about the Dare-Off!”

“I would have thought so!” I agree.