[slaveboy28]

Dear all,

Sir thought my previous update was a bit short and not the best quality and as I really really do not want to let him down just days before we meet again I will try to update you a bit more on how this journey continues although, honestly, I find it extremely difficult to write here on getDare. Something is holding me back a bit, probably the fact that I am missing Sir so much and the meeting is approaching. We spent so much time talking online and my thoughts are now “offline” - in real. And this means they are a bit further away from pen and paper, from you getDare users. They are so much closer to Sir than they are to this forum, he is so much deeper in my brain than he ever was. Perhaps it is hard to hear or understand this but really I simply somehow want us, our time together and not the whole getDare community together. It is almost the same as when I tried to write about the first meeting and there was a complete blockade. Only when we parted was I able to write again. When he was not so close, when he was not all around me - not just physically but mentally embracing me. He is always in control but as the meeting approaches this control only extends and binds me in a way even more to him.

I am fighting with this feeling. Not feelings of devotion and commitment to Sir (they are true and deep) but the feelings of wanting him just for myself - to be the one who brings him pleasure, to really be his boy after such a long time in slave school. I find it harder and harder to let you in this world dear readers. Is this selfish? In a way it probably is as he is the one who decides (I always remember this, I always know he can just say no, he can disown me anytime he wants - what a scary thought) but at the same time I do not think I should hate myself for such feelings of loyalty and dedication to him and him only. I think all this just made my writing more rational, perhaps with a bit of a distance. I could again and again write about the horny thoughts I have, my naughty wishes, my lust and my gratitude to Sir but this is pointless. It is not about me. I am at a point where I need to show him this in real. Because my wishes are only partially mine - they are mine to a point they please HIM. Because all this I am doing for him.

My heart is burning for this special person whom I will be meeting again and I know writing this blog is primarily meant for Sir but as it has become public, just days, hours before the meeting it has become so difficult to write. I am in a crunch, barely able to wait, walking around nervously, thinking of how I will arrive, how I will meet him, how will the last few minutes drag. What will he think of me? Will I be able to please him the way he deserves. As I have learned a lot in the past few months, I just want to be able to really meet his expectations. In a way it is even more intense then it was before the first meeting. Then it was different - it was after all a first meeting and so many things could have gone wrong. But now I know how special he is, how amazing Master and Captain he is, it is just Sir, Sir, Sir. Everywhere I look there is Sir, everything I do there is Sir. My mind is already in overdrive, my thoughts are rushing everywhere. I try to focus, try to relax, get out of this crunch I am in but the feelings of anticipation, fear of disappointing Sir are always here. I hope I will be able to sleep, to get some rest and be in the best possible shape for him. For he has become so much more. He is real and I want this real meeting again. It does not feel right anymore to just write about this, I have to prove this to him when we meet. That I want him to enjoy. I would like him to feel this, not just read. Not for my pleasure but for his pleasure. I can wait but I can now only wait in real, seeing his pleasure come first. And I know all this fears, all this irregular heart beats will disappear the moment I see him again. I feel this, I feel what I have already written in one of my stories:

“My heart starts pounding and I start to sweat. Cold, nervous sweat runs down my spine but I only walk faster. I do not look back, I do not stop, I need to be next to him as soon as possible. I see him there and I almost cry but it is not the time to feel emotional. It is time to show strength so I take a deep breath, wait for him with my eyes lowered to approach me before raising my eyes to his question “Looking for somebody?” I almost melt as I hear his voice and say the magic word “Sir!”. I accept his hug and give him a kiss. A proper kiss I longed for so long. X Sir. I stay there in the safety and comfort of his strong bear hands, inhaling his scent (unshowered…just for me, just like he promised…and he always keeps his promises. Always.). I forget about the world around me for a moment, burry myself in his chest before I gather the courage once again and whisper in his ear “Please Sir, use me Sir. I am all yours, Sir”.
“Good boy!”
All my questions are answered, I instantly know what I am to do so I simply pick up his suitcase and follow… Eager to please. “

I am eager to please. And in this mood the day went … slowly … minutes dragged, time stopped. I spent a lot of time preparing, trying not to cry, trying not to be almost angry because I have to wait a few more days. I am really really struggling. He is now so close but still so far and I just want him to be next to me as soon as possible. I just want to be close to his feet. Have a few minutes to just hold him. His hands, his feet, anything. Or to just be close enough to smell him. At the moment he is the only one who can calm me down.

Fuck… and it happened. I am crying already. Can they be called tears of longing? Tears of missing someone so much… I almost promised myself not to cry before the meeting. I am a strong slave, I will make it to the meeting without an emotional outburst. But it just happened. The tears just came and I feel so lost again. Sir. Sir. Soon, so fucking soon. Is this a normal reaction? It must be I guess when you want, cherish, adore someone so much. When you want to bring him only the best.

As I was writing this Sir came online. And he said: sush boy, wipe that tear away, soon, very soon. How did he know? I feel almost guilty I cried, but he can, he must now my feelings… I can not feel guilty for wanting to make him happy to the point I start crying. I hate to imagine him waiting as well. I know he is so much stronger then me, so much more experienced but I hate to know that he is also waiting, that - because we live in a real world - he also needs to wait. Why can I not just “beem myself there to him”. Cook him a meal right now, massage his feet right now, whisper in his ear “use me, please, Sir, anyway you want at this very moment”. So HE would enjoy sooner.

I need to prove him in real it is not about me. And when you are so deeply involved I find words are not enough.

Sir, I want you to enjoy our meeting, you to use me as you wish, you to have all the fun with your fuck toy, you to have amazing days with me as your servant, as your slave, your boy, your girl, your pup. I shaved myself very carefully today Sir, for you. To see me smooth, just like you like me. I paid special attention to my bum area - so you will enjoy the sight of it. Will you please fuck me Sir? I will wait, I will. I trimmed my nails, used hand cream…I wanted to make myself as attractive for you as possible, Sir. I worked on your gift again, I cleaned my toys Sir.

I must not fall apart from lust, desire, devotion, pinning just days before the meeting… I am so scared I will do something wrong at this crucial stage. I can not fuck up now. I just want these dreadful days to pass as soon as possible.

Still crying….

boy A