Quote:
Originally Posted by Info Man
It is really hard to tell you anything with out knowing exactly what your problems are, or what your past experiences was. There is so much vagueness in your post that it makes it difficult to truly say anything with any certainty.
Where you Taught wrong? Where more abused because of your ignorance of what was acceptable as you just started exploring this world?
I dunno.
What where you taught? How where you treated on a daily basis? what was your average punishment? What incurred that punishment? What where your expectations/tasks you where required to fulfill for each session?
Are these people implying that you where taught wrong right in their judgement?
Again - I can't say...
Was this said in casual conversation, or was it said in the prospects of being a potential future dom? Was it their Experience talking, or perhaps their personal Preference?
Data, data, data... Can't make bricks with out Clay.
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To put it simply, I had to lose my identity. I lived by everything I was taught, the rules and expectations were drilled into me. If I ever made a mistake, I felt over-whelming guilt, which isn't too bad should a master tell me what punishment I needed, but even after it all, I find myself needing to find someone to punish me, otherwise I do it myself and I have no mercy. The degree to which I was trained meant that I when I went into my 'state' (which it has become known) it meant that I felt that I had no right to an opinion, I just did whatever I was told, no matter how I felt about it. And the worst part is it still affects me even after I take a break, even after I thought I was okay, but then I read over old messages and I'm back into it, I feel nothing except what I've been trained to feel. That's how the conversation came up, two of my close friends noticed that I was acting odd and then they told me that it wasn't right, which I could sort of understand but I still can't, I still don't think of it that way, maybe it's not, I don't know. So I've been trying to make sense of it.