Dear readers,
Todays update will perhaps not be “juicy” but I hope you read it and perhaps also comment and offer some advice, encouragement to a boy who is on a difficult but still exciting journey into slavery.
My last post ended with a confession. I soiled my Master’s briefs with my dirty boy poo. I soiled those clean, beautiful white boxer briefs which I cherish, appreciate and love so much. I wear them with pride as they are my Master’s property and my Master’s choice of clothing for me. Yes, they became special. And I soiled them.
I apologised to my Master, sent him a written apology (a copy of which can be found below) and he once again showed claws by appointing what I consider a very strict and harsh punishment. I had to buy adult diapers and I am to wear them for the next 7 days. Complete shock.
I first put them on yesterday while he was online. The feelings of shame, humiliation even degradation reappeared, as well of those of fear and doubt. After a short conversation Master left and I was stuck at home wearing a diaper. A diaper. 28 year old boy with a diaper. I was in turmoil, not knowing what to do. But I left it on and waited for my Master to return. Waited and waited, skipping my first pee window, my second pee window until I finally let it go. I could not hold it any more. I peed in my diaper. It was extremely humiliating and every possible insult rushed through my mind. I was devastated. And my Master still did not come online.
I got terrified, nervous, scared, used, dirty… Why? Why me?
At that point I could have just left but I did not, I did not even change my diaper. I left it on and waited. Waited for my Master to return. Until I had to go again, I just peed in my diaper. Filled it completely, soaked it as the nastiest, dirtiest person. Only than did I change and put on a fresh one.
And than Master came online. “Thats what you get for soiling MY underwear” was his first reaction and I knew I did something very wrong, something I should not do. I sensed there will be no mercy, no easy way out. “Just a simple wipe job, you cant do that! fucking useless”.
Shame. Deep shame. Before him I felt so small and tiny. Like a worm.
And at that time I did not even left the safety of my home.
He than reminded me of lines that I needed to finish and allowed me (for me what I am extremely grateful) to trade up to 2 days of the 7 days diapered, for no underwear, naked, but I get a good ass flogging instead. I excepted this with gratitude, although I am aware that this will be no gentle flogging.
I was still out of words, shocked and behind me is a terrible night full of fear. Even my slave reaffirmation did not calm me down completely. But in the morning when I woke up diapered I somehow knew I had to try and go out wearing it. Thankfully I could poo like a slave and not in a diaper. After my routine I went for a long walk both to experience the feeling of being diapered in public and to keep my weight under control. It was dreadful. I sweated and could feel my diaper becoming moist. Dirty slave boy. Fucking useless.
Each step I made was harder and I was so glad when I could finally come home. I did not pee and as I am writing this I am waiting for my window to once again soil my diaper.
But I did it and I think I learned another valuable lesson. It will be painfully hard to last till the day I am allowed to wear underwear or be naked. I also got the sense what it is like to be seriously punished, doing something that brings you no satisfaction, no excitement, something that completely fucks your brain. Just fear and humiliation.
I never tried something like this before and I would say wearing a diaper in public is what I consider a dislike. Not just a dislike but an extreme dislike. Is this my limit? I don’t think so (which scares and humiliates me even more) but it definitely is something that I would not try myself or ever wish to repeat. Something that completely disgusts me.
So why I am doing this? Because I really did not want to let my Master down. This may be hard to believe but I am really only doing this for him. It is not out of fear, it is out of respect. I would like him to understand what he means to me, how hard I am willing to try and also that I am able to accept his punishment. I do not want to moan and whine. I screwed up, it is my fault and my fault only. And I want, I need to do amends.
Please comment on my update as I would really like to get some feedback. Am i doing right? Have you experienced something like that before?
Thank you all.
Quote:
Sir,
with this letter I would like to apologise for disrespecting your property - your clean, beautiful white boxer briefs which I cherish, appreciate and love so much. I wear them with pride as they are your property and your choice of clothing for a slave.
But I made a huge and extremely shameful mistake. I soiled them with my dirty slave poo when i did not wipe my sorry ass as needed and instructed. And I understand that this is inadmissible and also hardly believable for an adult. It must repulse you, Sir and I am sorry that you have to deal with a slave who can not even properly wipe his behind.
I was not careful and focused on one of your basic instructions which were repeated to me many times.
Being in a hurry is no excuse. I learned I should always put not only my Master but also his valued possessions first. The rest needs to wait.
In this stupid way, of which i am not proud, I disrespected your property and thus disrespected you. I failed as a slave.
I deeply regret my mistake which I never ever want to repeat again. Not only because I behaved as a filthy and lazy slave boy but because I showed lack of respect for your belongings. For something that brings me great pleasure and is always a source of a reward and your good will.
Please receive this text as a sincere and honest apology for failing once again. I will do my best to show you that I am learning, working hard to accept and pay for my mistakes but mostly to improve as a learning slave boy.
Lessons have to be learned, mistakes paid for. So in the end I would like to once again beg you for your mercy, beg you to please accept my words of apology. I am sorry for my pathetic and dirty failure.
Thank you very much for reading this and for teaching me.
I hope I am still worthy of your time,
boy A
|
boy A