[linearizationcannon]

I dare you to masturbate while watching yourself in a mirror. Don't use porn or close your eyes, just watch yourself. Preferably use a big mirror like a bathroom mirror.
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Freeze a water bottle solid (upside down so the ice has a tapered end). Then cut the ice out of the plastic so you basically have a giant ice dildo. Stick it in the freezer again for a little bit before pulling it out, quickly squeezing some toothpaste onto the tapered end before ramming your giant ice dildo up your ass. Or rather, ramming your ass down onto it as you hold it against the floor and use your body weight to help force it up your ass.
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squirt an entire tube of cinamon flavored toothpaste up your ass and then use your inflatable buttplug to lock it into place for three hours.
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Put a dab of toothpaste/pepper/whatever right onto your hymen.
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Tell us your most shameful, perverse, and embarrassing fantasies. In detail.