Can you date vanilla people?
 

I think personally I get bored with anything if its always the same so kink is a good way of keeping things fresh for me. I guess you could have a kinky relationship without realising it in my mind anyway lol

I can of course, but i don't anymore. I just made the experience many years ago it is simply not a working option

To some extend but i also find it not fair to use to much pressure if someone is simply not interested. I also tried the extreme open from the start version, it is still a gamble as most vanilla people will not understand what i try to explain

No

No as i cant turn off my dominant side

What i mean is that if i am together with a person, if i have sex with them, i cant not stop to want to include the domination aspect. I guess if the vanilla relationship would be platonic. But even then it is not like i can turn my dominant side off.
Poly with 2 subs would be fine, but i did assume the idea behind the question was vanilla relationship plus a sub/dom

1) Can you date vanilla people?
Dating people who don't share my kinks doesn't work well for me. I tend to feel sexually diminished by having to keep that part of myself locked away, which, in turn, decreases my erotic drive within the relationship. In my experience, it ends in long-term disappointment and unsettlement for both parties, even when love is otherwise there.

2) Have you opened up to them about your kinks? What happened?
No one has been directly judgmental, but I've gotten responses like, "that's cool, but it's not my thing." Unfortunately (see above), this doesn't necessarily work out in the end. The same applies to people who are kinky, but in ways with minimal overlap (for example: switches who want to sub to me frequently, people heavily into resistance play or orgasm denial, etc).

3) Do you use getdare or fetlife without their knowledge?
I try to be open about my need to make connections in the kink community, since even if I'm not playing with people, I feel comforted by having friends who get it. If my partner seems unhappy or uncomfortable with it, I won't tend to bring it up often, though.

4) Is polyamory an option for you?
Probably! I am extremely loyal, so I tend to attach deeply once I commit to someone, which meant I wasn't initially interested in polyamory. But in practice, dating someone with other partners doesn't seem to bother me as long as all of us are open, ethical, and respectful of other parties affected by our choices. Likewise, I can care deeply about someone, and defend their rights and interests, while still spending time with someone else for fun. While it's not always easy, I've been surprised to find it can work really well for me under the right circumstances.

I'm going to go sort of the opposite of most here:

1) Can you date vanilla people? Yes, I can and do. I have a vanilla gf that I love and share a lot of common interests with, unfortunately just not kinks. Admittedly, the sex could be a lot better.

2) Have you opened up to them about your kinks? What happened? Sort of, but not in explicit detail. I don't remember the conversation explicitly, but we talked about different fantasies people have and she made it clear she would have no interest in bdsm. That being said, she actually read some messages I exchanged with a Domme some time ago and while she doesn't know all the details, she's aware that I'm into some "weird stuff." Basically she said she doesn't care as long as I don't cheat on her and she doesn't want to know about it. So she has an idea, though I don't think she's aware of the full extent.

3) Do you use getdare or fetlife without their knowledge? Yes, as far as I know she doesn't even know these sites exist.

4) Is polyamory an option for you? Yes, I have a Mistress, though it's strictly an online relationship. They fill different needs. My Mistress knows about my gf, but not vice-versa. She's also married and similarly while her husband knows she dominates men online, I don't think he's fully aware of the extent of our relationship. I do love her dearly and if she were single and local, things might be different, but as it is she is married and on another continent, so, we fulfill each other's kinky needs while our vanilla partners fulfill our in real life companionship needs. Maybe that makes us horrible people, but there it is.

I'd just like to say, atownesq, that your post doesn't make you sound like a horrible person. the more I think about such things the more I suspect you may have wisdom.

Personally, I might be tempted to hint things to your gf but, as you say, that is likely to upset many apple-carts with no real goal gained apart from complete honesty. I believe Depeche Mode had things to say about that in Policy of Truth and they may well have been speaking about this very issue.

All of which is to say, I don't think you are a horrible person, rather a potentially wise one who has maximised happiness for those around you. I don't know what that says about me, but I hope it reassures you.

1) Yes
2) No I have not, though I have enough kinks that aren't super "out there" so to speak that I think they would participate without me having to explain much.
3) I didn't have getdare while I was dating, but I feel I would use it with less frequency.
4) I don't like to give a definitive "no" to something I've spent little time thinking about and haven't tried, so how about 90% sure that it is not an option.

1) Can you date vanilla people?
Yes

2) Have you opened up to them about your kinks? What happened?
A bit. Led to some slightly rougher sex, and some threesomes.

3) Do you use getdare or fetlife without their knowledge?
Never been in a serious enough relationship that I'd tell someone about a site like this.

4) Is polyamory an option for you?
I've had some great threesomes, and group sex is really hot. But in a serious relationship I wouldn't really consider it an option.

1) Can you date vanilla people?
Yes- "date" meaning, going out, having fun; dinner, the bar, drinks, that type of thing- of course.
2) Have you opened up to them about your kinks? What happened?
Not really, it does not usually come up in casual conversation, what does come up is that I tend to like things that are a bit non-traditional- then I go back to my wine.
3) Do you use getdare or fetlife without their knowledge?
I don't ask for an inventory of their web history so its never really been a topic of conversation.
4) Is polyamory an option for you?
It could be yes