Are desperate male subs driving female members away ???
 

I had one desperate girl, not long ago, write me and thank me for the dares but she was getting out of getDare because of the number of requests to be a guys mistress and when she said no it turned into hateful abuse.

She was fun, she has gone. So I wanted to know how bad it was.

First I watched signatures of new female members who were looking for fun. Initially it may not say that person is not looking to be owned or own someone, but it very quickly gets added to the signature.

Next I wrote to some of the girls for feedback. New members initially and then a couple of the older female members and the pattern quickly emerged.

A thread would be posted asking for dares.
PM box would light up like a roman candle with requests to be owned. In boxes would get filled up. (Within minutes in some cases, depending on time of day.)

Reactions varied:

1. Some ignored the requests and the follow up shit that came through but stopped general play until it calmed down. The ones who took this action are generally 21+
2.Some ignored the requests and deleted the requests, even if it meant that he stubborn ones had to be deleted several times over
3. Some were polite in saying no and would then receive abusive/hate mail in return.
4. Others went underground and kept in touch with the few people they had met, until they felt they could emerge and enjoy the site without hassle.
5. And the final group? they wouldn't have replied because there was only ever one message on their thread, the request for fun and the public reply of, do you want to be my mistress?

This is not good guys. Kink Talk is already a predominantly male site and most of the girls except mistresses stay away from it.

Do you really want getDare to be the same ?

Come on girls/mistresses share your experiences.

I wouldn't say that they're "driving me away" but they're making my experience on getDare less exciting, annoying me, and sometimes even cause me to take breaks.

There are a lot of things that desperate submissive males do on getDare that push people away from this site. Here are just a few:

• The basic "looking for a mistress kik me @ ______" spamming PMs
• Sending a dare that is against my limits, and tell me to send one back "if I like it"
• Spamming threads of the same dare because no one replies
• Posting "ads" but only posting their kiks
• Sending several PMs throughout the day or week
• "I need permission to cum mistress" PMs

There are so many other things that annoy me on the daily basis. I wish that they would realize that they are impacting the site tremendously, how their actions are causing many users to become inactive and quit, etc.


And sometimes, when they don't get their way, they become aggressive & rude. That's the worst. I don't feel like getting attacked because I'm not willing to be a mistress to a random stranger, because I'm not willing to send a PM back, because I'm not willing to do everything they want me to do. It's honestly unfair.


But that's just me.

I hope everyone knows there is such a thing as an ignore list. Use it. I do.

Well,.. it sucks... I can only hope the nice guys are able to make up for the others.

mhh, would be nice to have a "quick fuck-off reply button"
like:
- you can make custom text
- just press that button to respond with that text
- and next time response of that guy comes into "fuck-off mailbox"
(you may never read, but if bored you could)

you could make custom text like:
"you are a stupid asshole not to read my profile before pm-ing, next time you wil be banned"

Even being a male, i've gotten some weird pm's...some guy kept asking my kik and wanted me to "use" him, just didn't answer though.

So i can surely believe that girls here regularly experience harassment. It's so sad. Makes me mad actually.
They fuck it up for the good guys here...luckily i think there are lots of good ones to though.

That being said...i'm not sure what there can be done about it.

male aggression
 

it has been my experience throughout life that on any site where males and females interact, it is dominated by males and males pretending to be females. The number of real females is usually pretty low. I've also noticed a pattern where most of the males seem desperate and childish, while the real females have their pick of men and are usually in no hurry to instantly give themselves to a play partner. The true females usually lay low or else they are the ones to initiate any play.

This site is no different. I have had a few great experiences here with women who were kind enough to verify they are female (it doesn't take much and there's no risk if done properly), and I've also been catfished on this site more times than on any other sites combined.

Keep in mind that I am a straight male who only plays with females, so my explanations have been in that context. No offense to trans people or gender-fluid or gay people. When I'm talking about fake females I'm talking about men who create an account and pretend to be a natural-born female for the purposes of fooling men.

Best,
DJ

Could a possible solution be to limit Private Messages to people with other a certain amount of posts or people who have been active for a set amount of time?

I'm on another site where if 20 different people report a user's PMs, their account gets suspended and possibly deleted. However, persistent trolls will just create new accounts.

I guess I'm a bit cynical--it has always been this way and I expect it to continue to be this way. It's the nature of humanity. I don't see any realistic solution that isn't also an undue burden on legitimate users.

The only other option is to make paid membership sites--which will have far fewer people and perhaps just as many idiots anyway.

Nahhh what would be the limit?
Guess you cannot really Block the pm for more then 2 wks. So, 50 posts?

My pet and myselg received horrible spam from a very active guy, 500 post or so

well the thing is that there are so many people that do it so I add them to my ignore list but then more new ones do the same thing. I wouldn't saying that it is driving me away but its a negative of the site.

Obviously it isn't a perfect solution but I imagine it would reduce the amount of people who are around for two minutes and flood inboxes.

Thinking more about it,
It probably could work (a bit),
But not in postcount.
Some people post more then others
And postcount would actually encourage spamposting.

But simply enable pm only after 2 weeks.

This will have extra benifit that those who make new account after being banned will have to wait 2 weeks before they can pm again

I don't think that would be entirely fair. I know that I used PM alot when I first started to communicate with other users about questions. Some people just abuse the power that getDare gives them.

But simply enable pm only after 2 weeks.

This will have extra benifit that those who make new account after being banned will have to wait 2 weeks before they can pm again

----

That would discourage new members, and like I said before, idiots will always find a way to be idiots. This global social media problem won't go away until the nature of humanity changes.

One last point: I've noticed that a lot of bad users are <age kids (because most sites don't have age verification) or guys from countries where the attitudes toward women are more sexist and primitive.

Well that is true.
As said, i don't think linking to postcount is good.
But although i fully see the greatness of pm, and especially at start. I also think that it does not hurt to enjoy a 2 week initiation period in which one can learn some netiquette before being allowed on pm.

Threads and chat are still there.

Has benifit that one can check some posts on receiving a new pm

I think Pm ban for a couple of weeks might just work fine.

Linking to post count & the novice of the user is both unfair, in my personal opinion. If I join and was not able to use PM for 2 weeks, I would feel left out and probably would not have become such an active member in the getDare community. Yes, threads & chats would still be an option but no new user wants to create a thread asking tons of questions, thinking that they would be a nuisance to existing members. That goes for chats as well.

I just think there is a better way to control PMs from people that abuse it's use for harassment.

OK,
you are probably right
(would not want to propose such a thing without well agreement anyway,.. we dont want to kill this beatifull site :) )

Maybe a point-system?
Now you can only put to ignore or report which is quite a large threshold.
Maybe something like a "penalty" button.
--> not immidiately "lethal" but giving warning.
(and then that button should activate a message to the trol that he has a penalty, 3 penalties will mean ban, not saying from who and so on)

note: on age-limit: yes, woudl be good... but how??? i also appreciate that coudl apply completely anynomously

certain countries: also, probably true,... but some good guys from those countries we probably definitely want.


pfeew,,,. maybe just live with it.

a quick standard (customizable) fuckoff message button is probably still a nice thing..

I just think that there should be PM moderation, specific users who address people who abuse PMs and the PM issues. They could directly contact users who are constantly reported for offenses of the PM inbox and tell them they have warnings, and if more offenses come through of the same person, they receive a PM ban for a certain amount of days.

Sounds like a shit ton of work but PM is a big part of the issue regarding harassment and aggression by members.

It wouldn't be that hard to code a report button, and if a user gets, say, 20 reports from unique users, a warning is sent, and their account is suspended until an admin reviews the PMs and either deletes the account or releases it. I am active on a site that has more than 100 volunteer mods who review content, and the system works pretty well. It has been my experience that getDare is a "hands off" site that isn't very interested in sanctioning the actions of bad users or fakes.

I've always felt that getDare was little bit under-staffed, especially since most mods and admins are not always active on the daily basis and don't address bigger issues than posting a thread within the wrong section. There are tons of loyal users who have been around for a while that would be more than willing to contribute to getDare staff, even if it is a small position and would help improve the quality of the site.

I love the mods and admins, don't get me wrong. They work tremendously hard to keep this site alive and safe and I respect that, but I feel there should be active getDare staff that addresses certain issues that downplay the potential of the site.

That's not actually true, there is a very long, sometimes funny ban list(quick links). You also can report people from their profile. I think they review such reports. What I think mods don't care much about is people posting "do me now" in persons above threads and generally breaking the thread's rules :/

Yes, reporting users from their profiles is possible, but we are regarding, specifically, PMs that are sent. Most admins and mods, I think, do not regard PMs or look into them as a major issue. Reporting a PM message, regarding the person, wouldn't be too hard to come up with if getDare took the time to address it.

"Person Above" threads are not a major thread that requires a ton of attention. Rules that are created by the OPer aren't truly an issue that needs to be addressed by getDare staff, but needs to be addressed by the OPer if the issue continues. getDare staff will step in if they proceed to disrupt the thread, ultimately trash-can it.

I agree, I don't blame the current mods, I just think getDare should have more mods. And I think the site would be vastly improved if they were more aggressive about sanctioning bad users.

I wouldn't say they should be more aggressive because it all depends on what you consider to be a "bad user."

You can also attach a screenshot od the PM. But that wouldn't tell mods if it's a regular habit. Said that, in my opinion giving admins permission to read one person's PM's(they probably had it if they wanted to) even if he/she is breaking the rules, is a huge privacy infringement and would drive people away either way....

Yes, I have sent screenshots of PMs to an admin and had the issue addressed. But if someone is clearly being aggressive and is breaking the rules of the site, it needs to be handled.

I'm not saying that every getDare staff can access every users' PMs whenever they wish, but if an issue arises that needs to be addressed through a PM, the user reporting it should be willing to allow the staff member to access their PMs to confront the issue at hand.

Privacy infringement should not be an issue if the user consents to sharing the PM with the staff member to confront an issue that is arising in PMs. Private messaging is a part of the site and the rules apply there as well. You cannot use PMs to abuse the rules of the site and expect to get away with it.

While I think that offering more temporary bans or ignoring options are effective, I think that it is a temporary fix to the whole situation.

As more people continue to visit the site and newer members get interested, the problem still remains: people won't check the guidelines, read the robot-generated introduction PM, or are unaware of their actions.

I think that if the community as a whole must raise awareness of the current situation. Threads like this helps those who are unaware such as I.
Unfortunately, I do not have a possible solution for those who harass via pm and/or ignore the limits and dislikes in the signature. I think those types of people would have disregarded the rules anyways and use anonymity as their advantage.

The thing is: I don't want to have to continue ignore tons of users. It's an inconvenience to me.

Ignoring the limits within signatures is an issue, but is not huge. They can easily be confronted by saying "___ is a limit of mine" and reject the dare/task/etc. Harassment through PMs is becoming more of an issue each day and is affecting peoples' view of the site I'm afraid. (Hence, why this thread was created, regarding most women of the site quitting.)

Quite frankly, when I meet someone here I want to know, we take it off the site.... using secondary e-mail and Skype addresses to communicate, or Kik if absolutely necessary. The real women are here, they just stay pretty stealthy and communicate with guys who put themselves out there as patient, well-spoken, and sincere.

That is true, but not available for everyone. Personally, I never wanted to share my personal accounts with getDare users. I did not want to risk anyone tracking me down and being able to see my face, etc. Some people are like that as well, even with emails.

PMs are a great tool that is used everyday for tons of people but it is a very neglected section that needs some attention regarding the issues that it surfaces.

That's what are secondary emails etc :p

I dont like PM's here too much, just because of the weird they get if you dont delete the previous reply. And if you do you need to go looking for the previous messages, and it's pretty tiring. Also the 15pms/hour limit is a bit too small

... You're not getting my point. Emails in general, whether your primary or secondary, are a nono to some people. Some people are that paranoid of their identity being traced. They use PMs as a way of communication with users.

And it's 60pms/hour. They just do not want you to be spamming people with PMs.

Oh, it's 60? I got PM's blocked after 15 once...

I find most requests a minor annoyance but have no qualms or problems just ignoring them. So many are from sad desperate boys who don't bother to make a genuine connection by starting with a greeting or checking my likes etc because they are not expecting a reply. Ah well. One can but laugh.

I've sent a few pms to people who look interesting to my purposes, hopefully these were not taken as spam but I had at least offered honest and polite comment and looked up the people before proceeding. As someone earlier said, there is a wealth to choose from and no reason to get caught up with the small fish. :-)

J&M

I'm surprised how many people here don't realize you can create multiple anonymous Skype, email, Kik, etc., that have no personal information and are no more risky than having an account here.

Well you have the least of the issues it seems like. Your account is a joint account of a male & a female, which draws people away from it, for some reason. Most joint accounts on here, in my opinion, don't get the turmoil that a single getDare account user gets. Several girls on here, including myself, are thankful for a day where they aren't harassed by desperate men & even women, begging and trying to force you into submitting or dominating them.

Some people can not take harassment as easy as you may be able to.

Still paranoia is very prominent within new users, as they want communication to be strictly through PMs, and not using any other means of communication, even if it is "anonymous." I was that way and I've grown out of it a bit, but it is still there to an extent.

It's annoying at times but it knows to expect that. (Tip:if you want less of them-get a male avatar, most don't read signatures.)

It probably does overwhelm new members but there's really not much that can be done about it. Best would be as someone said earlier-reporting and staff for pms.

(By the way, it believes mods can read pms considering you can report pms already.)

The second I joined, I got showered with unsolicited pm's. Lot of male subs, but also wannabe masters thinking they've got the domination thing down by just being rude and obscene.

The thing that makes me want to bash my head into a brick wall is when I reply I'm not interested in owning any of them because my sig clearly states I have an owner, and they answer something like: "oh well, just thought I'd give it a try"... really? Are they that dumb?

It's like it's open hunting season with these guys all the time. When will they learn that desperate is the most unattractive feature.

I was literally thinking this maybe less than a month ago. I had a time where when I was messaging people and getting to know others, I just saw a massive ration of (m/sub/--) or whatever. And just had a feeling like. I honestly do now feel sorry for all the females that just want to enjoy this site. But with so many guys just being subs and whatnot, it's scaring a lot of females away with as stated before, all the "Please be my mistress" etc etc. I mean sure, no harm in guys being subs by all means. But so, 'so' many are just straight up rude and abusive about it because it didn't go how they wanted it. And yet half the time it's just because they want to get their jollies off or something.. Just my 2c worth on this anyways~