Young Boner
 

Chapter 1: First Meetings

I was an average 16 teen year old boy, it was saturday morning and I couldn`t be bothered to get out of bed. It was my mum that woke me see said that her work had called and said that she need to go to China and make a deal with some company and that her flight was in five hours. She also said to me that she would leave a note, the house keys and some money. This was all about an houtr ago so I couldn`t remember much as I had gone back to sleep after that. But now it was time to get up. I got out of bed and walked down stairs to the the living room and on the cofe table was a note from my mother saying that she would be away for about 2 weeks and that she had left me $200 in the white envolope. She also said there was some mail for me in the kiction. So I got up and walked to the kiction and on a bench was a fluro green envolope with my name on the front. I opened intrested to see who it was from it said“I know that your fantasy is to become a slave and I can make this happen all you need to do is go to the back door and open it then take off all your clothes and leave them at the door. Then go and sit at your dining table.” I trilled mabye today I might become a slave my fantasy would come true, but who was my master?

I did exactly what the note said to do I went to my back door and opened it, then I took off my clothes and almost got a boner straight away. I then went and sat down at the dining table making sure that you could only see my torso and hiding the rest of my body under the table.
Just moments after sitting down, Reece walked in. He was 17 years old, in the year above me. He had blonde hair which was always messy and a tanned muscled body. He was wearing black skinny jeans which allowed some to see the outline of his dick. I could feel my dick slowly rising uder the table. He was the first one to speek.″Hello Ben, I know this is probally new to you but I also know that you want to be a slave dearly so heres the deal~

was good i guess, would be better if his slave was a girl though.

That's quite a good start, hope the read more soon

I think your story progressed far too quickly. Also, I recommend running each chapter through a spellchecker before you submit it on here; some readers get majorly distracted at the first spelling error.

I also agree with CB above. Spell check would be great. It isn't too bad, but a once-over and it'd be much better.

Also, I'd question the reality. I know it's fiction but, if you got an envelope with that note, would you actually do it? I know, for a start, I'd question it. I'd probably throw it away and laugh it off as a joke. Then, if I got another note which said a similar thing, maybe I'd start to take it seriously.

I like the ideas you've shown so far, but slow down and pace the story out a little. I know you might just want to get to the core of the story (as most people do) but, sometimes, the slow set-up of events is what makes it. Suspense and tension is annoying but it's the key to a great story.

Also, I don't care much for your character. All I know is that you're 16. Introduce me, tell me more about you. I know more details will probably arrive as the story unfolds, but a small introduction at the start (or in your first few paragraphs) would help readers latch on and partially relate to the character.

Hope you take some of my ramblings on board xD

But I look forward to more :)

Wow, has potential write more so we mow what's going to happen and of you improve

this is good :D

keep the characters the same and it will be cool

7.9/10

Agreeing with the guys above, details are almost a must to make a good story in this section of the forums. Two paragraphs are not a legit start to this story as it's another one of those stories that starts out sexual right away and it just becomes annoying. Also I cannot stress this enough to writers read your story through! Spellcheck and grammar checkers are great but they are not the best technique. Read through your story before submitting see if there are any errors that you may have overlooked. The content has a good premise but extend it more and take your time. As Fenric stated this seems kind of unrealistic but I don't think that's really that much of a problem as this is fiction but yeah. That's pretty much all I have to say.