How Do You Deal With Jealousy/Poly?
 

Hi Everyone!

Looking for tips & advice on how you deal with jealousy when your sub is playing with someone else/you are in a poly-relationship?

I know myself i am not good about dealing with jealousy, and as such have a real lack of experience with poly-relationships. So i was hoping the community might be able to give me tips and advice on this, how to deal with jealously, how to exist in a poly-relationship.

The very basic context - My sub and I have been together for over two years. They are now wanting to play with someone else, whilst still being mine. The details can be expanded upon as needed or in PM (don't want to bore you all).

I don't really have advice that's based on solide experience but seeing as this post got no replies yet I thought I would give my 2 cent and give it a bump in the way.

I think first of all it's important to know where you stand, what you did agree to at the start of the relationship, and remind yourself of that, emotions are a bit blind so remind yourself that your partner is doing nothing wrong and this is what you did agree to, so that you don't resent them.

Secondly, these emotions are still allowed to exist, it's fine that you thought it was manageable and then maybe you got more attached than you thought you would be or whatever, maybe you developed stronger feelings than you thought you would when you made the initial arrangement, and there's no shame in that.

Allow your emotions to exist and if the relationship allows communication as it should, to be expressed.

From there there's multiple choices, you can always choose to reevaluate the whole relationship depending on what the other person thinks of it, or to keep your emotions in check and get over it yourself. Some people are just not built for poly after all, and that's ok too, and maybe it takes a painful experience to discover it. I guess the terms of your relationship can be reevaluate at any point if something isn't so comfortable for any of the involved parties at any point.

Jealousy is a symptom of something deeper, typically an insecurity in yourself/ the relationship. So look into that jealousy and reflect on what's causing it, then you can address it

Asking why you feel something and working backwards from it is extremely important with poly. Maybe your needs aren't being met in your relationship, so you're experiencing jealousy from that. Maybe your self esteem isn't where it's at and you need reassurance from your partner about how much they value you