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Scenes We'd Like To See...
Round One ~ Unlikely lines to hear in a Hollywood blockbuster ~ GO! :D |
"Mission ... impossible? Let's not bother."
"E ... T ... speed-dial" "The name's Bond. Yeah, just Bond." |
"Let's make love on the back of a killer whale at SeaWorld"
"No, let's not." "Aww." "Let's do it on a shark!" |
(Hehe OMG I (L) scenes we'd like to see!! Mock the week for the win)
"Robert Patinson that was brilliant acting" "Nemo where the hell have you been" "This film has been given a certificate NOBODY due to strong robert pattinsonness unsuitable for public viewing," "NO luke don't use the force turn it off and then back on again! that'll fix it" (L)(L) Mock the week & Russel Howard |
"Huh? The ship almost hit an iceberg but miraculously missed it at the last minute thanks to interference by an alien spaceship? Well imagine that...good to know..."
March Hare: "Hey Alice...what do you say that we throw a tea party tonight and I can Mad your Hatter." "I'll be back...I think. I have a lot of errands to run today and the kids have this recital tonight...oh, and not to mention the car problems I've been having. Actually, can you do next Tuesday? That'd work MUCH better for me." "Come in me if you wanna live" "Isn't it 'Come With Me'"? "I know what I said." |
another summers day has come and gone away, in paris and rome but ET go home!
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"Seen as you are just 2 days away from retirement officer, why don't you just stay here and do some paperwork, and we'll give the homocidal new partner to Gary."
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Kirk: "CAAAAAAAAAAAN!"
McCoy: "What in blazes are you doing, Jim?!" Kirk: "Bones! I... can't open... this CAAAAAAAAAN... of tuna. What kind... of captain can't... open his own... tuna?!" www.khaaan.com |
"We're gonna need a bigger boat.... a yacht maybe, or a cruise ship may be good."
"Your a Wizard Harry" "I am?" "Nope, just screwing with you!" "Please Sir, can I have some more?" "More!?....Help yourself!!" |
"You...killed the Wicked Witch! YOU KILLED THE WICKED WITCH! She was like a second mother to us! YOU BITCH!!! EVERYONE, GRAB THE PITCHFORKS AND TORCHES, THIS DAMN GIRL GONNA DIE!"
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Luke, I ... am ... your ... second uncle twice removed on your mother's side.
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"Say hello to my little friend, well,
he's more of an acquaintance, or you could just say a friend of a friend. I don't like him much, I'm taking him around as a favour." |
Round Two ~ Things you wouldn't like to hear in hospital ~ GO! :D |
"Ohhhh, it was you who wanted the sex change operation!"
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"The amputation was quick and clean, you should be out of here soon"
"But..I came in for a check up" "Don’t worry, I’ll remember how to do it...Okay...think back to that episode of Scrubs." "Let's look on the bright side, at least his wife won’t have to worry about getting pregnant now." |
"Ummm....yeah....we accidentally cut off your left testicle....
Wait...you're a girl? Weird...what did we cut off?" "There is a 79% chance that this surgery will be a success...or was that 7.9%? I can't remember. Ah well..." "This procedure will either result in your cancerous tumors being completely removied and you living a carefree happy life or in you dying painfully, screaming in agony for hours, bleeding out of every possible orifice and your skin bubbling and melting off like silly putty that's been put in the microwave. Now let me get our new anesthesiologist in here for his first ever operation(To be fair it's mine too..) and we'll be on our way. " |
"Hi, I will be your... erm... what was that word... cutty... stitchy... erm never mind, I'll remember in a minute"
"So we were doing an emergency heart bypass?" "No and apendectimy" "Its all the same thing." "So thats 3 days since someone died from lack of hygine! That has to be a record." |
(From "The Simpsons" ... Doctor Nick ;))
The knee bone's connected to the something, The something's connected to the red thing, The red thing's connected to my wrist watch -- Uh oh. |
"You've got the body of someone half your age.....growing inside your womb"
"Well, we've removed what we thought was a cancerous tumour. YOu did say you and your Siamese twin aren't speaking terms?" |
Dr:
"Gross! I have never seen anything like that before." "Wait a second" <walks behind curtain> <whispers> "The hip bone is connected to the leg bone, the leg bone is connected to the shin bone, the shin bone..." "I like hurting people." |
"Congratulations! It's a boy!"
"... I came in for a tumor removal..." "What, you don't have a sense of humor?" *facepalm* |
"Mr. and Mrs. Johnson, I have good news and bad news. The bad news is, your son has cancer. And good news is, I just saved 15% on my car insurance by switching to Geico!"
"*Patient on the Operating Table* Doc: 'Look ma, no hands!'" "And now presenting: "Trading Spaces: Hospital edition!"" |
Nurse: "Doctor! Doctor! He's bleeding from the stomach. What should we do?"
Doctor: "I don't know!" |
Nurse: Now don't worry this operation is completely routine. Isn't that right, Dr Frankenstein.
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"wait, if that's his liver, then what the hell is that?"
"well Mr. Johnson, your test results just came in...and GUESS WHO HAS CANCER!!!!" "wait...we're missing a couple tools...." |
Round Three ~ Unlikely lines to hear in the next Harry Potter film ~ GO! :D |
Ginny:Hey Harry darling I have something to confess.
Harry:Yes what is it,Ginny? Ginny:I slept with Albus Dumbledore just to get you into the school,and I did a strip tease to for the hat to get you into Griffindor. Harry:Avada Kedavra! |
"Guess where my wand was?!"
"I don't care if it was moving, kissing a painting is just weird!" "Hold on a second... we have magical powers, are able to be invisible, able to take on new personas and are can move things with a wave of our wand... What the hell are we doing sitting here talking to each other when the girls' dorm is just up that unlocked staircase!?" "Excuse me Madam Pomfrey, but I seem to have broken something... well its kinda personal... um, do you have a new penis laying around...?" |
Harry: Hey Ron, go get your wand and I'll show you my chamber of secrets
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Harry, shouldn't you have graduated from this damn school by now?
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So many funny things on here....
Random Man: "SPOILER! SNAPE KILLS DUMBLEDORE!" Harry: "Yeah, it's a little late for that...." "MY GOD! Those muggles have a magical rag called a sham-wow that can clean up any stain or spill in their household! How did they get their hands on so many magic items?!" Ron- "Okay, let me get this straight..... we know the spells that can control people, torture them and kill them. Our friend has a troll for a brother, a pet dragon and a pet 3 headed dog. Plus we have an invisibility cloak. And you're telling me we can't just go rob a bunch of muggle banks, get filthy rich and not have to go fight and probably lose against a super powerful dark lord..... WHAT THE HELL?!" |
Harry: You Dark wizards may have all this power, but I have a weapon that none of you can beat - a GUN!
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Dumbledore: Ok so we made a tiincy little mistake. Harry: Yess... Dumbledore: I dont really know how to tell you this. Malfoy: Potters adopted!! haha not so special now are you :p Ron: You slept with who??? Hermioni: Tiger woods. and it isnt any of your buisiness everyones doing it... even Harry, Hagrid, Fluffy and Dumbledore Bellatrix: I have decided, I don't want to be a deatheater anymore... I want to be a ballerina |
Round Four ~ Things you wouldn't want to hear in a Fire Safety video ~ GO! :D |
"In the case of a fire- burn up and die"
"Now to our resident pyromaniac." "Fire is hot. keep away... The End." "If you want to survive a fire. Stop watching this piece of **** and run." "Haha haha look that dude is on fire... haha haha and that... is how not to survive a fire, haha haha" |
when the alarm sounds there are 2 things to remember.
1. Every man for himself 2. Don't forget to loot as much as possible on your way out Whilst soaking the room with petrol for insurance fraud, make sure you don't splash any on yourself, the policy doesn't cover personnel just the building |
"...and finally, if you want to keep kids entertained whilst you're busy doing other things, let them play with matches."
<At OAP's home>"Fireman Smith you're meant to strip your uniform off, douse yourself with baby oil and girate your groin in the old dear's face!" |
'..and that's how to prevent fire'
'..Sarge..' 'Yeees' '..Your hair..' *glances upwards* 'Oh Shii-Get the extinguisher. NOW' 'Ok, we need a new training exercise.. See that house over there - Burn it. Points for how many inhabitants you save. GO' 'Wrong fire' |
"This tape will self destruct in 10 seconds!"
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In this video, we'll be explaining how to go about putting out a fire. See you after the ad break :D
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