Are desperate male subs driving female members away ???
I had one desperate girl, not long ago, write me and thank me for the dares but she was getting out of getDare because of the number of requests to be a guys mistress and when she said no it turned into hateful abuse.
She was fun, she has gone. So I wanted to know how bad it was. First I watched signatures of new female members who were looking for fun. Initially it may not say that person is not looking to be owned or own someone, but it very quickly gets added to the signature. Next I wrote to some of the girls for feedback. New members initially and then a couple of the older female members and the pattern quickly emerged. A thread would be posted asking for dares. PM box would light up like a roman candle with requests to be owned. In boxes would get filled up. (Within minutes in some cases, depending on time of day.) Reactions varied: 1. Some ignored the requests and the follow up shit that came through but stopped general play until it calmed down. The ones who took this action are generally 21+ 2.Some ignored the requests and deleted the requests, even if it meant that he stubborn ones had to be deleted several times over 3. Some were polite in saying no and would then receive abusive/hate mail in return. 4. Others went underground and kept in touch with the few people they had met, until they felt they could emerge and enjoy the site without hassle. 5. And the final group? they wouldn't have replied because there was only ever one message on their thread, the request for fun and the public reply of, do you want to be my mistress? This is not good guys. Kink Talk is already a predominantly male site and most of the girls except mistresses stay away from it. Do you really want getDare to be the same ? Come on girls/mistresses share your experiences. |
I wouldn't say that they're "driving me away" but they're making my experience on getDare less exciting, annoying me, and sometimes even cause me to take breaks.
There are a lot of things that desperate submissive males do on getDare that push people away from this site. Here are just a few:
And sometimes, when they don't get their way, they become aggressive & rude. That's the worst. I don't feel like getting attacked because I'm not willing to be a mistress to a random stranger, because I'm not willing to send a PM back, because I'm not willing to do everything they want me to do. It's honestly unfair. But that's just me. |
I hope everyone knows there is such a thing as an ignore list. Use it. I do.
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Well,.. it sucks... I can only hope the nice guys are able to make up for the others.
mhh, would be nice to have a "quick fuck-off reply button" like: - you can make custom text - just press that button to respond with that text - and next time response of that guy comes into "fuck-off mailbox" (you may never read, but if bored you could) you could make custom text like: "you are a stupid asshole not to read my profile before pm-ing, next time you wil be banned" |
Even being a male, i've gotten some weird pm's...some guy kept asking my kik and wanted me to "use" him, just didn't answer though.
So i can surely believe that girls here regularly experience harassment. It's so sad. Makes me mad actually. They fuck it up for the good guys here...luckily i think there are lots of good ones to though. That being said...i'm not sure what there can be done about it. |
male aggression
it has been my experience throughout life that on any site where males and females interact, it is dominated by males and males pretending to be females. The number of real females is usually pretty low. I've also noticed a pattern where most of the males seem desperate and childish, while the real females have their pick of men and are usually in no hurry to instantly give themselves to a play partner. The true females usually lay low or else they are the ones to initiate any play.
This site is no different. I have had a few great experiences here with women who were kind enough to verify they are female (it doesn't take much and there's no risk if done properly), and I've also been catfished on this site more times than on any other sites combined. Keep in mind that I am a straight male who only plays with females, so my explanations have been in that context. No offense to trans people or gender-fluid or gay people. When I'm talking about fake females I'm talking about men who create an account and pretend to be a natural-born female for the purposes of fooling men. Best, DJ |
Could a possible solution be to limit Private Messages to people with other a certain amount of posts or people who have been active for a set amount of time?
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I guess I'm a bit cynical--it has always been this way and I expect it to continue to be this way. It's the nature of humanity. I don't see any realistic solution that isn't also an undue burden on legitimate users. The only other option is to make paid membership sites--which will have far fewer people and perhaps just as many idiots anyway. |
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Guess you cannot really Block the pm for more then 2 wks. So, 50 posts? My pet and myselg received horrible spam from a very active guy, 500 post or so |
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It probably could work (a bit), But not in postcount. Some people post more then others And postcount would actually encourage spamposting. But simply enable pm only after 2 weeks. This will have extra benifit that those who make new account after being banned will have to wait 2 weeks before they can pm again |
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But simply enable pm only after 2 weeks.
This will have extra benifit that those who make new account after being banned will have to wait 2 weeks before they can pm again ---- That would discourage new members, and like I said before, idiots will always find a way to be idiots. This global social media problem won't go away until the nature of humanity changes. One last point: I've noticed that a lot of bad users are <age kids (because most sites don't have age verification) or guys from countries where the attitudes toward women are more sexist and primitive. |
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As said, i don't think linking to postcount is good. But although i fully see the greatness of pm, and especially at start. I also think that it does not hurt to enjoy a 2 week initiation period in which one can learn some netiquette before being allowed on pm. Threads and chat are still there. Has benifit that one can check some posts on receiving a new pm |
I think Pm ban for a couple of weeks might just work fine.
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I just think there is a better way to control PMs from people that abuse it's use for harassment. |
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you are probably right (would not want to propose such a thing without well agreement anyway,.. we dont want to kill this beatifull site :) ) Maybe a point-system? Now you can only put to ignore or report which is quite a large threshold. Maybe something like a "penalty" button. --> not immidiately "lethal" but giving warning. (and then that button should activate a message to the trol that he has a penalty, 3 penalties will mean ban, not saying from who and so on) note: on age-limit: yes, woudl be good... but how??? i also appreciate that coudl apply completely anynomously certain countries: also, probably true,... but some good guys from those countries we probably definitely want. pfeew,,,. maybe just live with it. a quick standard (customizable) fuckoff message button is probably still a nice thing.. |
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Sounds like a shit ton of work but PM is a big part of the issue regarding harassment and aggression by members. |
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I love the mods and admins, don't get me wrong. They work tremendously hard to keep this site alive and safe and I respect that, but I feel there should be active getDare staff that addresses certain issues that downplay the potential of the site. |
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"Person Above" threads are not a major thread that requires a ton of attention. Rules that are created by the OPer aren't truly an issue that needs to be addressed by getDare staff, but needs to be addressed by the OPer if the issue continues. getDare staff will step in if they proceed to disrupt the thread, ultimately trash-can it. |
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You can also attach a screenshot od the PM. But that wouldn't tell mods if it's a regular habit. Said that, in my opinion giving admins permission to read one person's PM's(they probably had it if they wanted to) even if he/she is breaking the rules, is a huge privacy infringement and would drive people away either way....
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I'm not saying that every getDare staff can access every users' PMs whenever they wish, but if an issue arises that needs to be addressed through a PM, the user reporting it should be willing to allow the staff member to access their PMs to confront the issue at hand. Privacy infringement should not be an issue if the user consents to sharing the PM with the staff member to confront an issue that is arising in PMs. Private messaging is a part of the site and the rules apply there as well. You cannot use PMs to abuse the rules of the site and expect to get away with it. |
While I think that offering more temporary bans or ignoring options are effective, I think that it is a temporary fix to the whole situation.
As more people continue to visit the site and newer members get interested, the problem still remains: people won't check the guidelines, read the robot-generated introduction PM, or are unaware of their actions. I think that if the community as a whole must raise awareness of the current situation. Threads like this helps those who are unaware such as I. Unfortunately, I do not have a possible solution for those who harass via pm and/or ignore the limits and dislikes in the signature. I think those types of people would have disregarded the rules anyways and use anonymity as their advantage. |
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Ignoring the limits within signatures is an issue, but is not huge. They can easily be confronted by saying "___ is a limit of mine" and reject the dare/task/etc. Harassment through PMs is becoming more of an issue each day and is affecting peoples' view of the site I'm afraid. (Hence, why this thread was created, regarding most women of the site quitting.) |
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PMs are a great tool that is used everyday for tons of people but it is a very neglected section that needs some attention regarding the issues that it surfaces. |
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I dont like PM's here too much, just because of the weird they get if you dont delete the previous reply. And if you do you need to go looking for the previous messages, and it's pretty tiring. Also the 15pms/hour limit is a bit too small |
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And it's 60pms/hour. They just do not want you to be spamming people with PMs. |
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I find most requests a minor annoyance but have no qualms or problems just ignoring them. So many are from sad desperate boys who don't bother to make a genuine connection by starting with a greeting or checking my likes etc because they are not expecting a reply. Ah well. One can but laugh.
I've sent a few pms to people who look interesting to my purposes, hopefully these were not taken as spam but I had at least offered honest and polite comment and looked up the people before proceeding. As someone earlier said, there is a wealth to choose from and no reason to get caught up with the small fish. :-) J&M |
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Some people can not take harassment as easy as you may be able to. Quote:
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It's annoying at times but it knows to expect that. (Tip:if you want less of them-get a male avatar, most don't read signatures.)
It probably does overwhelm new members but there's really not much that can be done about it. Best would be as someone said earlier-reporting and staff for pms. (By the way, it believes mods can read pms considering you can report pms already.) |
The second I joined, I got showered with unsolicited pm's. Lot of male subs, but also wannabe masters thinking they've got the domination thing down by just being rude and obscene.
The thing that makes me want to bash my head into a brick wall is when I reply I'm not interested in owning any of them because my sig clearly states I have an owner, and they answer something like: "oh well, just thought I'd give it a try"... really? Are they that dumb? It's like it's open hunting season with these guys all the time. When will they learn that desperate is the most unattractive feature. |
I was literally thinking this maybe less than a month ago. I had a time where when I was messaging people and getting to know others, I just saw a massive ration of (m/sub/--) or whatever. And just had a feeling like. I honestly do now feel sorry for all the females that just want to enjoy this site. But with so many guys just being subs and whatnot, it's scaring a lot of females away with as stated before, all the "Please be my mistress" etc etc. I mean sure, no harm in guys being subs by all means. But so, 'so' many are just straight up rude and abusive about it because it didn't go how they wanted it. And yet half the time it's just because they want to get their jollies off or something.. Just my 2c worth on this anyways~
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