...the way secret messages are hidden in all sorts of weather-related terms. For example: "today will be clouded with a high possibility of rain", translates into: "if the duck walks twice around the monkey's den, the game is on". This (obviously) needs to be deciphered one more time on the basis of the book "Deciphering secret messages that are hidden in weather forecasts 101", which I highly recommend to buy if interested in the occult world of weather forecast.


Sometimes, when someone is really bored...

... one opens their copy of "Deciphering secret messages that are hidden in weather forecasts 101", tunes in to Janice Dean's weather forecast on Fox News, and tries to decipher the messages being sent by P (pronounced "pee") - an anonymous, secret, and mysterious figure in the National Weather Bureau who is trying to reveal clues to a hideous conspiracy in the government that involves a shadowy cabal of deep state bureaucrats, who are trying to reduce the allotted bathroom breaks of government employees from 3.47 minutes each hour to 3.32 minutes. A massive conspiracy that most sheeple don't seem to care about. When one goes to pee, we go all... well, at least women do.

I think we can all agree that,...

... Five Guys is the best burger joint. I mean, every now and then, we all crave that grease, so McDonald's can be a good go-to sometimes. But Five Guys is definitely the best. And their fries! OMG, gotta get the cajun fries.



There's nothing more I'd like to right now than...

... becoming water for an hour or two. A gentle stream over the rocks and through the cracks. Dancing with fishes, with little shrimps. Caressing a woman's hairs still drenched in dreams. Flowing on her curves and kissing her skin. Calling her back from a long night of sleep. Her moment of relief, before sliding into the sink. To be forgotten.

Wherever I go...

... I take my trusty Sports Illustrated Swim Suit edition calendar with me, so that I know exactly which day it is back on Earth. Also, I take a towel. A towel really comes in handy when the going gets tough.

These days when I watch news on TV...

... I have a tendency to vomit whenever they start talking, just after they say "good evening, here's today's news". I've came up with the practical solution of placing multiple buckets nearby before turning on the television. I keep watching it daily, purely out of principal and because eventually I got used to getting sick anyway. On the bright side, I've lost about 32 pounds and look sharper than ever... it's going to be on the news next Friday.


I feel the world is changing because...

... just yesterday when I stepped out of the house, and the cars looked like wimpy pudding moulds on wheels, chicks were wearing tops with no shoulder pads, the dudes had snipped off their mullets, everybody seemed to be surgeons because they were all wearing masks, and they walked about staring in to blocks of glass they were holding in their hands. After failing to find a single Radio Shack, I decided to go back inside, and not come out again for another 40 years.

The trick to surfing porn during working hours while on home office is...

... simple but requires the following steps:

- Put a lifesize dummy in your office chair. This dummy should represent you fairly close. The accuracy depends on the quality of your webcam.
- Attach one of those robot vacuum cleaners to the dummy's chair to simulate nervous but accurate movement of the replacement "employee"
- Locate yourself out of the webcam's range, behind your second screen. Very important: MUTE the sound effects comming from the material you're planning to watch!
- Regularly make statements like "mmm, I agree" and "I'll look into that soon".
- Finally, if next time someone should make a comment on your different appearance, tell them you had a haircut.


People usually sleep better after they...

... conduct a thorough search of their house every night to make sure that the strange scratching, creaking, squeaking, wailing, and whispering sounds they hear when the lights are out are not due to termites, rats, bats, wind, nor failing structural integrity of the house, leading to the inevitable conclusion that those are of paranormal origin due to an evil, demented, vengeful spirit bonding with the house, which is a much cheaper problem to solve (requiring only a bit of salt, five candles, and some holy water) than hiring an exterminator and/or remodeling the house.

The thing I find most annoying about...

...lounge games is no one plays them anymore :(

My favorite kind of person...

... is one who not only creates lounge game threads, but comes back from the dead once in a while to post in those threads, keeping them alive and kicking, while the rest cover in fear, not daring to venture in to that bloodbath that is ensuing.

Sometimes, it feels like the crazy days of...