With all these treats making the rounds
Your waistline has been piling on pounds

A few weeks of hitting the gym
Will make me svelte and slim

If only I had such conviction
to beat my hopeless cake addiction!

Never fear, we can make you thin
By wiring your jaw and your chin

No, no, then you'd still be able to drink milkshakes trough a straw.
Besides it would be immoral and against the law.

Since when did you care about morality
In a thread so seeped in depravity?

It's not that this thread is depraved
But it could be better behaved

Was it depraved when we rhymed about cunts
And other nice assets of your maiden aunts?

It's a shame that sometimes the truth
To others can be rather uncouth

For truth these days, the Trump goes to Putin
KGB said, for blackmail they have nuthin'

They think Putin may be in bed with said Trump
Do you think that they really do hump?

It's pretty obvious those two had a lay...
I was convinced when I saw Putin wearing a dead-squirrel toupee.

Will they threesome with Theresa May?
Or are they exclusively gay?

That's truly a triple-entente for the ages;
Too bad the lube money's coming straight from my wages.

I'd like a tryst with Theresa May
Despite her age, she seems a good lay