marshmallows
 

Insert as many marshmallows as you can into yor butt, then sit back and enjoy the full feelings as you go about your business .... surfing the net etc

Oh, what about celery, hair curlers, straighteners, and wands?:p

Oh, and shaving cream cans! Those are really fun. ;)

and...
 

for those on the go moments...try cigar tubes...they can be left in comfortably for as long as you want to feel impaled.

Objects:
Pool balls with a hole drilled threw them with rope attached so you can remove the ball.
Cell phone wrapped with condoms on vibrate.(try calling your cell)
Shampoo bottle
Toilette plunger handle
Bed post
Axe can
Food
Boiled eggs
Banana
Grapes
Pear

Okay, update so far.

Did the shaving cream can.... was a bit hard but I finally got it! :D
I'm looking for cigar tubes. Thanks for the idea!
Celery? Eh... the ends were kind of sharp.
Wands? :)
Rolling pins. :)
Shot glasses? Check.:p

I avoided any wooden objects though. Splinters suck.

Take bubble wrap, roll it up tight until you get the width you want, then put a condom over it. Enjoy!