Granted, but I have a similar ability, and I make you have orgasms at what turn out to be rather unfortunate times for you.

I wish I knew what all the apparent drama around here was about.

I grant that wish. God rest your soul. xP

I wish I didn't have to deal with annoying pop-up and banner ads on the internet anymore(without losing access to the internet or my eyes).

Granted, but now the ads jump out of the screen and onto your lap where they bully you into visiting their web-site or buying their products.

I wish I was able to spend extremely long periods of time locked inside very small tight spaces without getting cramps or so uncomfortable that I have to get out.

Wish granted but unfortunately, that means you're forever stuck in an invisible box, fitting your dimensions perfectly. You can still walk but that's about it. ^_^

I wish Justin Bieber would grow some frickin' balls! xD

He does, and smacks you about the face with them until you're unconscious.

I wish I didn't need to go out.

Granted you now do not have to go out of your home for anything, everything you need or want magically appears just by thinking about it. However, you can't go out of your home and no one can come in. There is also no doors or windows so you can't even see out. You are alone inside forever.

I wish I could read peoples minds.

Granted, but every time you read someone's mind, they are capable of knowing your intermost secrets.

I wish I had the Rinnegan.

Granted, but you don't realise you're wasting your life.

I wish my sense of humour wasn't so fucking nasty sometimes...

Granted but you can no longer act in any sexual ways..

i wish i was immortal

Granted, now you have a lion cub which will eventually eat you alive...

I wish to be able to be good at anything I try to do.

Granted, but suddenly you sole obsession in life is collecting bottle caps.

I wish I had x-ray vision I could turn on and off at will and it would have different power levels to see through thin or thick things.

Wish granted, but you are unable to see through clothing.

I wish i could create word peace.

Granted now you have created the word "peace" good job!

I wish for a banana

Granted, but it is alive and wearing pajamas and walks around your house signing annoying songs 24 hours a day.

I wish I could teleport any where I wanted any time I wanted.