I thought it was just vulpis, does it vary by gender?

<3
 

Partly a response… and partly just a ramble <3 oops (I obviously miss my blogging)

I think there are fundamental issues with the language and limited perspectives on this site. You can put an Ad up in the Submissive/Dominant Area and you're essentially limited to being a sub/Dom/switch… but I think a lot of people here don’t fall into those categories and this creates problems.

If those are the only choices, then mislabelling will set you both up for failure. A dominant that expects a “sub” will obviously be disappointed when their behaviour is not fully submissive (and vice versa). This mismatch of expectations is inevitable when we restrict our language to three terms.

I don’t think it’s wrong for someone to have kinks and just want to share it with someone else for (hopefully mutual) enjoyment. To not necessarily “have” to do a task as a sub, or “make” someone do a task as a Dom, but just to be “kinky”. Some people will put themselves in the switch category if they feel like this, but again, this is not the correct label.

Although I align with being a sub, I’ve had times when I’ve just been “kinky”. This may have given me a mild identity crisis, but it wasn’t wrong of me to feel that way – it’s not “lesser”. I have just wanted to play with my toys with someone, explore fantasies and ideas, and for us both to enjoy closeness, rather than to properly submit to them. I think that’s fine, as long as both people are onboard with what’s happening.

So, I do think you have “submissives topping from the bottom”, but I think it’s not really their fault SOME of the time. There’s no term to reach for “I want to enjoy my kinks with someone else but not necessarily in a strict D/s format” and so people enter their first communications on the wrong foot.

They may not even know that they're not a sub. If you only have three choices then you can only reach for what's available.

Did you take Latin? If not, it's an interesting subject. Here's a link on the grammar. Latin words have either common gender or grammatical gender. If you've ever read Latin books or looked at the scientific names of flora and fauna, the various suffix inflections like nominative/vocative et cetera become apparent. Anyway, that's all I'll speak of it.

I used to discuss Latin with StrawDog a little. I might shoot him a message soon.

*Oh, and I'm not blind to the new one either :p

Anyway, I enjoyed reading Lime's response, that's primarily why I came here now to post, so thanks for the interesting discourse.

I miss your writings too Lime. I need to start mine again too, outside this site. Maybe I'll drop a few here sometime.

i only want to be intimate with someone i have feels for

if someone tries to instigate sexy stuff and i don't know them or have feels for them it's gross and unsexy

how do u find a play partner when ur like dis?

on gd can you have an ad where u like i want to get to know u and maybe b friends and more if it feels right but also nothing may come of it?

I am currently thinking that the person above me is Pansexual and that she has to wait until the right person comes along.


Now i am thinking of being gagged by a huge ball gag .

<3
 

You should definitely post some here, Joanna. And if you need inspiration... I can be your muse! :)


Quite a few people here are demisexual, myself included.

It is possible for you to post an Ad saying you are only interested in friendship with the possibility of developing further. But as a female, even with those stipulations, you'll probably drown in responses (probably by people who will ignore what you want).

My recommendation is that you get to know people in other ways and some play may later come of it. For example, talking to people in the chatroom or PM-ing someone about a post that you liked and starting up a conversation.

Neither of these methods will instantly get you what you're looking for, but... you can't instantly develop feelings for someone. But hopefully this way you can meet some different people and see if you can find someone you can form a good connection with.

Just be honest about what you're looking for as this will help reduce pressure to play. Just like in vanilla settings, some people will be quite happy to wait and develop a proper relationship with you, and others won't want to wait. With communication you'll find the right person for you.

what the frick? i didn't know demisexuality was a thing but after some research that's me to a t

thanks for ur advice lemonade guy, i thought i was just crazy, nice

Whilst for some people there doesn’t need to be some kind of “feels” for them to submit to or dom another person, I think it’s a more positive experience if there’s some kind of spark or attraction at some level.

Finding someone can be luck, you certainly could make an ad, or just pm people that you find interesting and say hi and see if you can develop a friendship from there. It might be a process that takes time and could be full of ups and downs, but you never know something life changing could happen…..

ty for ur advice, i'll keep my eyes peeled

https://i.imgur.com/nHIwbvT.gif

Today I had to discuss my inability to get comfortable with a rule after almost 3 months trying, so I lost that rule as well as one that's directly related to it at the same time. I just realized that it was my first time having a rule to follow for so long, and then losing it is a new experience in itself, I didn't know I could get so attached to a rule... it felt like losing your favorite plushie or something I really can't find a good metaphor right now. It just never occurred to me that losing a rule could come with such greif. I felt quite pulled between the undeniable need to drop that rule for the reasons that sparked that exchange to begin with, and needing that rule to stay because it's mine and I got used to it and don't want it gone. Besides, that related rule or protocol that would automatically follow losing that rule, that was my favorite of all rules, so I'm sad. It's good to have a place to say it, without needing to write a whole blog post.

You’re welcome. Feel free to PM for a chat anytime. 🙂

Sometimes I feel like I should write about how my autism can interact with the DS dynamic, I have a few insights, things that came along and issues I've had in my journey, I feel like it could help a Dom see clearer if they ever end up with a Sub like that, or a Sub might recognize the way it's affecting them too or prevent it... But then it's not really a subject I'm used to be so open about, I don't want it to be associated with me or to be my identity. Will it even help anyone, I don't know how common that is in BDSM.

To go or not to go ? A new master, a new chapter, further than before abt the place, seems to be harder than before too abt the man...
Idk. In one hand, I have the opportunity to push my limits and discover the real bdsm side, in the other hand, it's maybe this part of me that is recurrently dragging me down...

Being punished on PMS is a bitch, I'll take that in consideration next time I don't want to be a good girl 😭

I hate emotions
 

I have way too many emotions and just chewed out a dom friend of mine for no apparent reason and am now crying over it?