How to Use Safe Words

Safe words are phrases or a single word decided upon in a D/s relationship before a scene starts or any kinky activity is engaged in.

The most typical safe words you might here are Green, Yellow, Red. These are actually the safe words I use. Usually, the usage of these words are universal.
Green: Everything is fine. I'm okay. More.
Yellow: Slow down. Change what we're doing.
Red: Stop. I'm scared. I'm hurt. No more. End the scene. No.

Why not just say no?
Well, using myself as an example, during scenes I become aggressive and mouthy. I will say, "No! Stop. Shut up. I don't want to," without actually meaning it. So, if I want to communicate that I am actually in distress, I'll safe word.

For some reason, and I am totally guilty of this myself, this is a negative stigma that people tend to associate with safe wording. Doms will sometimes believe that they messed up the scene and subs tend to think they should have been stronger.

There is nothing wrong with a safe word being used in a scene.

In fact, viewing it as a bad thing might make the sub less willing to be honest in a scene, which is very dangerous.

Safe words tend to be used more as you start out a D/s relationship, specifically during the 'trial period' before a relationship is officially started. Usually, safe words are used less frequently as relationships progress because the dom and sub learn to read each other better.

If a sub safe words:

Doms~Don't blame the sub. Don't tell them they should have held out more. Don't start blaming yourself. It's not your fault, you guys are still learning and blaming yourself will also make your sub feel awful.

Subs~Don't blame yourself. Don't blame the dom. You communicated your feelings and there is nothing wrong with that. Talk about your feelings. Don't apologize. Communicate and try to learn from the experience.

What happened to make the sub go into distress? Were their limits pushed? Was something triggering said? Was there not enough communication? Talk it over and do not blame each other.

If a dom safe words:

Doms~Do not blame yourself. The sub isn't mad at you. They are just concerned and probably worried. Don't apologize. Talk to the other people in the scene and try to explain what you're feeling. Don't try to tough it out, there is nothing wrong with safe wording.

Subs~ Don't blame the dom and do not be angry at them (I literally just said you aren't mad so don't make me a liar). Do not blame yourself. Blaming yourself will just make everyone feel awful. It isn't your fault.

Once again, communicate with everyone involved and try to understand what caused so much distress. Was something too intense? Did someone have to do something that pushed a limit? Talk to each other.

Now, not everyone uses Green, Yellow, and Red. Some people have a word that will end all play immediately. A word like, I don't know, "Impala"

Something that isn't said in a scene, but if anyone says it, the scene ends immediately.

Sometimes, the scene only pauses with a singular safe word, just so the people involved can discuss what's wrong and try to fix it.

It depends on what type of relationship you have and what is most comfortable for you. Personally, I prefer the traffic lights as it gives me more options than just 'No' or 'Stop'

Talk it over with your playmate(s) and figure out what works for you.

Happy hunting.