A random assortment of reports, thoughts, ramblings and information. Pretty much a view inside my wonderfully complicated, sometimes broken, and entertaining mind.
The End
Posted 03-05-2019 at 04:00 PM by Butterfly
All good things come to an end. This a very bleak way of looking at things, but it is also true. Even the best things have an end. Holidays end, books end, lives end. We really have no control over things ending. However, we CAN have some control over how some things end: specifically relationships.
D/s relationships are very unique, yet they are also very similar to vanilla, romantic relationships or friendships.
Nobody goes into a relationship thinking that it is going to end or that it is doomed from the start, but as I pointed out, all things come to an end at some point.
When you are in a power dynamic, I feel as though your bond can become much stronger than if you were just romantic partners or friends. You are literally giving a piece of yourself to another person, either through submission or domination. You are responsible for keeping that piece of them safe.
D/s relationships end for all sorts of reasons, however, the most important reason is that one or more party to the relationship is not happy. I am a huge advocate for being in control of finding your own happiness. Nobody else can guarantee your happiness; that is all up to you! So if you are not happy, I 100% recommend taking things into your own hands.
Of course there are steps to take before you decide to break up. Communication is a big one! Too many times we hide our feelings because we feel like we need to protect ourselves or our partner. We bottle up small issues that lead to big issues, we don't share our needs and wants ... these things can be fatal. With a little communication and compromise, so many things can be fixed.
However, not everything is fixable and in the end, the decision is yours. So when a breakup is decided, no matter the reason, great care should be taken.
This may seem selfish, but one thing you must remember in a breakup is that you are responsible only to yourself. You matter. Your happiness matters. Breaking up with somebody is always hard, but you are doing what is right for you. Taking that step is something to be proud of.
Of course, we want to be aware of others feelings. We don't want to cause undue harm. We want to be respectful to that person. But we have no obligation to stay in a relationship with somebody who does not make us happy.
Here is a list of my personal Do's and Don'ts for the end of a D/s relationship (whether you are the person doing the breakup or the person who was broken up with):
DON'T ghost
No matter what happens, nobody deserves to be ghosted. Don't just up and disappear, be an adult and have a proper conversation with your partner.
DO give a reason
Not knowing is always harder than having the information. It makes moving on so much harder if you don't know what went wrong.
DON'T make it personal
This is an emotional time, but personally attacking your partner is not helpful to you or them. Try to keep a level head and try to be constructive. Remember that even though you are breaking up, there were reasons you chose them in the first place.
DO break contact with your partner.
You need time to cleanse yourself of this person. Resist the urge to contact them or stalk them on social media. Don't log into their accounts, even if you remember a password. It is only going to make you look crazy and will keep your emotional wounds fresh for longer.
DON'T have breakup "sex"
The worst thing you can do is go crawling back to your partner for one last "fix". It is only going to make you feel more hurt and confused. Think with your brain and not your genitals.
DO lean on friends and loved ones.
Even if your vanilla people don't know about your D/s relationship, you can still use them for support. Spend time with your best friends, have dinner with your parents, watch movies with your cousins. Allow them to help you cheer up.
DON'T air your dirty laundry
It is one thing to talk with a close friend about your partner, but blogging, or posting on social media about all the of the details of your relationship is only going to make you look bad. Bitterness is not cute on anybody.
DO allow yourself to mourn.
Let yourself feel sorry for yourself. Allow yourself to cry. Take the time to miss your partner. Allow yourself to grieve the loss, even if you were the one to make the decision.
DO work through your issues
Once you have let yourself mourn, choose an outlet to help you channel your anger, hurt, and loss into something healthy and productive. Paint, exercise, write!
DO learn from your experiences
As humans, we learn most from our mistakes. Reflect on your relationship and learn from it. What went wrong? What could you do better? What did you learn about your wants and needs in a future partner?
DON'T move on too quickly
After a breakup, you can feel lonely and have urges that need to be met. Don't jump into "bed" with somebody right away just to fulfill those urges. If a new relationship opportunity presents itself, take things slow, tread carefully and be open with that person about where you are coming from emotionally.
DO be kind to yourself
Practice self care. Take a bath, watch your favorite movies, buy yourself a new outfit ... Take some me time for you. Practice positive messages about yourself, but also acknowledge areas where you might wish to improve. Now is the time to reflect on who you are as a person and who you want to be in the future.
The end of anything is hard, especially when so many emotions and pieces of ourselves are in play but the end is inevitable. It doesn't matter how much we talk about it, negotiate it, or prepare for it, we can't control how we ourselves react to the end, never mind how other may react. But if take the time to remember some of the points above, it can help us to heal, recover and move on in time.
D/s relationships are very unique, yet they are also very similar to vanilla, romantic relationships or friendships.
Nobody goes into a relationship thinking that it is going to end or that it is doomed from the start, but as I pointed out, all things come to an end at some point.
When you are in a power dynamic, I feel as though your bond can become much stronger than if you were just romantic partners or friends. You are literally giving a piece of yourself to another person, either through submission or domination. You are responsible for keeping that piece of them safe.
D/s relationships end for all sorts of reasons, however, the most important reason is that one or more party to the relationship is not happy. I am a huge advocate for being in control of finding your own happiness. Nobody else can guarantee your happiness; that is all up to you! So if you are not happy, I 100% recommend taking things into your own hands.
Of course there are steps to take before you decide to break up. Communication is a big one! Too many times we hide our feelings because we feel like we need to protect ourselves or our partner. We bottle up small issues that lead to big issues, we don't share our needs and wants ... these things can be fatal. With a little communication and compromise, so many things can be fixed.
However, not everything is fixable and in the end, the decision is yours. So when a breakup is decided, no matter the reason, great care should be taken.
This may seem selfish, but one thing you must remember in a breakup is that you are responsible only to yourself. You matter. Your happiness matters. Breaking up with somebody is always hard, but you are doing what is right for you. Taking that step is something to be proud of.
Of course, we want to be aware of others feelings. We don't want to cause undue harm. We want to be respectful to that person. But we have no obligation to stay in a relationship with somebody who does not make us happy.
Here is a list of my personal Do's and Don'ts for the end of a D/s relationship (whether you are the person doing the breakup or the person who was broken up with):
DON'T ghost
No matter what happens, nobody deserves to be ghosted. Don't just up and disappear, be an adult and have a proper conversation with your partner.
DO give a reason
Not knowing is always harder than having the information. It makes moving on so much harder if you don't know what went wrong.
DON'T make it personal
This is an emotional time, but personally attacking your partner is not helpful to you or them. Try to keep a level head and try to be constructive. Remember that even though you are breaking up, there were reasons you chose them in the first place.
DO break contact with your partner.
You need time to cleanse yourself of this person. Resist the urge to contact them or stalk them on social media. Don't log into their accounts, even if you remember a password. It is only going to make you look crazy and will keep your emotional wounds fresh for longer.
DON'T have breakup "sex"
The worst thing you can do is go crawling back to your partner for one last "fix". It is only going to make you feel more hurt and confused. Think with your brain and not your genitals.
DO lean on friends and loved ones.
Even if your vanilla people don't know about your D/s relationship, you can still use them for support. Spend time with your best friends, have dinner with your parents, watch movies with your cousins. Allow them to help you cheer up.
DON'T air your dirty laundry
It is one thing to talk with a close friend about your partner, but blogging, or posting on social media about all the of the details of your relationship is only going to make you look bad. Bitterness is not cute on anybody.
DO allow yourself to mourn.
Let yourself feel sorry for yourself. Allow yourself to cry. Take the time to miss your partner. Allow yourself to grieve the loss, even if you were the one to make the decision.
DO work through your issues
Once you have let yourself mourn, choose an outlet to help you channel your anger, hurt, and loss into something healthy and productive. Paint, exercise, write!
DO learn from your experiences
As humans, we learn most from our mistakes. Reflect on your relationship and learn from it. What went wrong? What could you do better? What did you learn about your wants and needs in a future partner?
DON'T move on too quickly
After a breakup, you can feel lonely and have urges that need to be met. Don't jump into "bed" with somebody right away just to fulfill those urges. If a new relationship opportunity presents itself, take things slow, tread carefully and be open with that person about where you are coming from emotionally.
DO be kind to yourself
Practice self care. Take a bath, watch your favorite movies, buy yourself a new outfit ... Take some me time for you. Practice positive messages about yourself, but also acknowledge areas where you might wish to improve. Now is the time to reflect on who you are as a person and who you want to be in the future.
The end of anything is hard, especially when so many emotions and pieces of ourselves are in play but the end is inevitable. It doesn't matter how much we talk about it, negotiate it, or prepare for it, we can't control how we ourselves react to the end, never mind how other may react. But if take the time to remember some of the points above, it can help us to heal, recover and move on in time.
Total Comments 4
Comments
-
Your advice in this works very well for "vanilla" relationships too, hope you're alright ButterflyPosted 03-05-2019 at 05:10 PM by andrew_b 
-
100% agree with all of this. I have been guilty of breaking a few of these rules in the past out of ignorance and naivety. I've also been on the receiving end of some of them too. I learned the hard way. Anyone suffering a break up - especially if you were the one being let go - read and digest these rules daily. If it was you that instigated it should follow these rules closely too, especially the ones about contact and sex - be the stronger person for both your sakes.Posted 03-05-2019 at 05:26 PM by MastersVoice
-
Yes, I think it is very true of all types of relationships. I am doing well. No relationships are ending for me. The topic was suggested in my blog suggestions thread, and I have a few friends who are going through break ups so I thought it might be helpful.Quote:Originally Posted by andrew_b
Your advice in this works very well for "vanilla" relationships too, hope you're alright ButterflyPosted 03-06-2019 at 10:18 AM by Butterfly
-
We all learn from our mistakes and honestly, when you are in such a heightened emotional state and are hurting, it is hard to use common sense. It is good to have a firm reminder.Quote:Originally Posted by MastersVoice
100% agree with all of this. I have been guilty of breaking a few of these rules in the past out of ignorance and naivety. I've also been on the receiving end of some of them too. I learned the hard way. Anyone suffering a break up - especially if you were the one being let go - read and digest these rules daily. If it was you that instigated it should follow these rules closely too, especially the ones about contact and sex - be the stronger person for both your sakes.
Posted 03-06-2019 at 10:19 AM by Butterfly
