Exposure Therapy: Shyness to Cam Slut

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Exposing myself on cam was never part of my plan, much less doing so on public cam for anyone & everyone to peer at. Despite my recent willingness to perform on cam, share pictures and even videos I'd still describe myself as an introvert; but perhaps one undergoing a rather literal interpretation of exposure therapy and rather getting into it

I'm never been the happiest with my appearance; I'm not particularly attractive, I don't have a sexy six-pack or silky smooth kissable skin. My legs are hairy enough to cause a gorilla to blush and I feel like my stomach would cause a similar reaction for most Hippo's That makes my decision to share my naked body to a total stranger on the internet all the more bizarre. There was certainly an element of wanting to prove my self-doubt wrong, to thrust myself in a very uncomfortable situation and prove that I could do it (looking back, with my fragile self-confidence, that could've badly backfired lol). However, from my first taste of sharing a picture, I was almost immediately liberated. She didn't recoil in disgust but said something nice. About me.

From my initial fears about showing my body at all it became the main way in which I explored my kink side, largely as it seemed to be the best way of "by-passing" my shy side and being egged onto doing more daring things. I find it very hard to get self-motivated to do things I know, on the face of it anyway, aren't pleasent such as pee-drinking, ball spanks, ass-to-mouth and toothpaste play; yet all it took for me to do all them was a bit of persuasion. Feeling that wave of subbyness flow over me, particularly with "crowds" (OK 10-20 isn't a lot by some people's standards) is hugely exciting and is entirely able to erode most fears my shy nervous mind may have at the time.

Exciting and liberating it may be it's not all sunshine by the sea, particularly public cam sites which in theory appear to be the most daring form of exposure. One of the main reasons I joined this site was actually to get away from it (before my Mistress flung me right back there ).

- It's often boring; there's seemingly hundreds of guys to choose from and most shows are filled with silent viewers (whose hands are likely busy elsewhere) if you're lucky enough to gather some viewers. I love being teased, commanded and humiliated in some way rather than getting literally no feedback (likely a throwback to my low self-confidence). There's no better mood killer than boredom.
- It's full of bad doms, something which only became apparent when I saw what a good dom looked like on this site. Those that don't accept limits are plentiful & obviously unworkable dares all too common (hey, I know they happen here too but happening live rather than more passively via messages seems more irritating somehow).
- Finding that perfect balance of being pushed just enough to be interesting and yet not beyond my limits is like finding a needle in a haystack.

Despite that it's still a strong love of mine, elevating the most mundane kink play to something exciting and finding the perfect viewer who, for reasons I still don't understand, enjoys perving at my naked body and teasing me relentlessly, is exhilarating. Most importantly for me, I feel far less self-conscious about my body (and yes all the feedback wasn't as nice as that first time, in fact, most of it isn't as I'm very open to accepting humiliation). The exposure therapy has worked! (To some degree at least) I'm not perfect but there are some people out there who think I'm somewhere between just watchable and super hot - that's more than good enough for me. From shyly hoping no-one will get a peek at my uncovered body the number of people who've seen me doing something kinky is into the 1000's and 400+ people follow my cam. Not bad for a shy introvert

Chaturbate: malesub26 (could a mod could let me know if this isn't allowed)
Next show: See signature (they'll be a mix of afternoon and night-time UK)
Nervousness & Excitement level: High. Camming for people I'll never meet or chat to again is one thing, for people I may know on this site is an extra-level of humiliation...I hope anyone interested is busy (although yes my inner exhibitionist hopes not, especially as I hope my humiliation will please my Mistress).