Originally Posted by MasterZp

I’ll offer my point of view in the hopes that it’s helps in some small way. I think what you are feeling is something everyone feels. No matter who you are, you always perceive yourself in the least flattering way. You know what your concerns are and you see them clearly. But here is the thing. Most people don’t see you that way. What you may think is negative in some way, they don’t see any issue at all. If you ask them, they would be surprised by your question. Not all of course. There are ones who are just mean and will take any opportunity to put you down. And there others that focus on certain physical attributes and anyone that doesn’t measure up is terrible. Ignore them, as they are easy to spot after a few minutes.

I think your friend was trying to get you to focus on your strengths. On what you like about yourself. You listed a number of things and then always said, “so are many others with more offer”. That is always true about anyone. But you didn’t say what you like. You listed everything in terms of comparing it to others. I’m no model or Adonis, but I like my build. I need to exercise and loose some weight. Doing so would clearly make me feel better, but I’m generally happy with my build. There are plenty that are better then me as well. Go ask a super model what they think is wrong with them and you will get a list of items that I bet you will be shocked by.

So my advice is to give yourself a break and try to focus on what you like and what excites you. Your attitude and demeanor is the most important thing. If you project any attitude of happiness and interest and are generally positive, you will be much more attractive to people then someone who seems closed and nervous. People pick up on those things even when they don’t know it. Think about the times you meet new people. Who did you respond to more, the ones that had a more positive attitude, even if they were nervous, or the ones that seemed down and closed. I suspect the former.

So find things you enjoy doing. Be around people that enjoy those things too. Let your interest and desire for those things excite you and motivate you and let others see that. I can guarantee people will respond to you differently and positively. And you will enjoy it all more because you are doing something that excites and stimulates you. And let that desire and excitement help you push your boundaries a bit. I always feel that if you are making decision based on fear, you are likely making the wrong choice. If you don’t go to a party because you are nervous or afraid, go anyway. If you won’t try some new activity because you are worried about how you will do, do it anyway. It’s very hard I know. And fear has its moments. But I can honestly say the things I regret in my life are those things I did not do because I was afraid.

I hope this helps in some small way. And I applaud your courage to speak up and share your thoughts with us all.

Originally Posted by Butterfly

I agree with completely. A lot of kink for me is non-sexual and is a cathartic release. I think having somebody in your life to support you in that way is super useful.

I also agree that just because you have that person in your life, it doesn't mean you won't take risks. In fact, I would imagine that it was easier for you take risks and jump in, knowing that if things fail, you will have somebody to help soften the landing.

Nobody gets to dictate how you do your D/s. If somebody reads your profile and passes judgement, it is their loss. If they stick around and don't like your explanation, then they are just not the right person for you. Somebody more compatible will come along.

As my favorite toddler friend has started to say "you do you, boo"!

Originally Posted by Masterwants

I think the most important thing is that you’re comfortable with what you’re doing and how it satisfies you. Hopefully as part of that you find someone you’re compatible with and shares the same viewpoint.

I think everyone will have different opinions on what is allegedly right or wrong, but as long as something works for you then who cares?

I pretty much gave up worrying what other people thought a long time ago about this kinda thing as it got distracting and negative.

Sometimes the lines between slave and submissive get a little blurred. Some doms want a trained sub, others prefer inexperienced subs they can mould themselves.

It’s all a matter of preference, not right or wrong.