I am not owned

Posted 12-06-2014 at 01:42 PM by kittenlyss
Updated 01-17-2015 at 06:14 PM by kittenlyss

Maybe it's just that objectification isn't my thing. But I've never liked the idea of being "owned" or viewed as property. I certainly don't see myself as a slave. I've just barely come to terms with identifying as a submissive.

And I see being owned as far too passive of a state for me to be willing to assume. An object does not need to do anything to be owned. I consider my submission much more active than that.

So I prefer the word belong. To me, belong means that I have made the choice to give myself to him and that he (for unfathomable reasons) has accepted me.

Ownership is a thing that says "You are mine and only mine." But I'm not. I belong to my work. I belong to my family. And I belong to my many amazing friends. No one person has all parts of me. A few have very special parts that are just for them.

I don't see belonging to lots anf lots of people (and some entities) as a lessening of our D/s relationship. I think there are different types of belonging. Duty, love, need, perhaps habit. And the way I belong to each individual is different. Somehow,* when I say I belong to him, I don't mean nearly the same thing as when I say I belong to Company Blankety Blank.

I wonder if he knows that he belongs to me too.

Note: This blog represents my views on how relationships work for me and the connotations I apply to certain words. I am aware that others may use these words in a different manner and that there are other relationshop styles. I have no intention of implying those are bad, just not mine. Your thoughts are welcome. I enjoy hearing how other people handle their relationships.

Posted in Randomness from my brain

Views 9550 Comments 17

« Prev Main Next »

Total Comments 17

Comments

	-reads the last paragraph- -puts down glasses- -cough- So I think im pretty happy with the term "owned" and Miss likes to Scream "MINEEE" but I see your points there. Im not being very detailed with the words were using but its just how we do things and Its fun so why not :3
	Posted 12-06-2014 at 01:49 PM by SweetTeen

	@Tomato: It's not THAT small, you old man. I know a lot of people who prefer the word. And I think as long as it's something you both enjoy, that's really all that matters. I'll admit that (even though I'm a word nut and get really wrapped up in what they actually mean) I still use words just for the effect sometimes. Oh, and I say "Mine!" to Almost all the time.
	Posted 12-06-2014 at 01:54 PM by kittenlyss Updated 12-06-2014 at 01:57 PM by kittenlyss

	Good post, I've never thought about it this way. I do like using the term ''owned'' as a way of humiliation, or like a synonm for a bdsm relation ''I own her'' instead of'' she is my sub''. But now I might pick up the term belonging more often, so thanks. Kudos
	Posted 12-06-2014 at 02:07 PM by Jah Brother

I am of much the same mind, Lyss; it kind of bothers me when other people ask who owns me, if I think my owner will let me do their task, etc. I usually just gently and politely say he's my Dom, not my owner, and leave it at that. But there are connotations associated with "owner" (and "master", and a few others for me) that I don't like. I'm a person, not an object. We aren't 24/7, and Wardell doesn't dictate every area of my life. I give my submission freely, not out of passive obligation. So yeah, I hear you

That being said, there are certain times where my wonderful Dom can say things like he owns my wet little cunny, and I basically melt. But we both know exactly the context in which he uses that language.

Posted 12-06-2014 at 03:20 PM by naughtylittlegirl naughtylittlegirl is offline

@ Jah_Brother: I think the words don't always matter. At least not to everyone. As long as the people involved understand what's going on, I don't see any problem with using words any way you please.

@naughtylittlegirl: Yes. I feel like when people outside of my dynamic assume that I have an owner or master, they're implying that I can't act on my own agency.

Although I have to admit I do love the possessive declarations I get from Almost on occasion.

Posted 12-06-2014 at 10:09 PM by kittenlyss kittenlyss is offline

	It's how you feel inside that counts not what or how everyone else says you should, I have a Master, sir and play partners I have a different relationship with them all how I feel about them is different and how much of me I give to each is different. So your choice of the word belong is wonderful for you :-) because that is what is important how you both feel :-)
	Posted 12-07-2014 at 12:38 AM by JustMouse

	@Mousie: Thank you! And, yes, that's it exactly. I have many different relationships andveach one highlights a different facet of my personality.
	Posted 12-07-2014 at 09:01 AM by kittenlyss

I am of the opposite opinion and believe very strongly in the term "owned" and "mine" but I am part of a Master/slave mentality in relation to BDSM. (Master not being male in this case obviously).
I do own her, but then in our relationship I govern almost all areas of her life.

I very much related to the paragraph you wrote on belonging to work and family etc too as its something I am discovering a lot at the moment with Mumbles. Just how much those areas changing in her life affect our dynamic and you've helped me put a lot of things into perspective with that.

I know a lot of people struggle to relate to or understand a Master/slave dynamic and I would never have realised the term owned could have negative connotations for a person. I find it so interesting how differently people within the BDSM community view certain areas.

I think my views are quite extreme as I believe in and have a TPE, 24/7, M/s relationship and don't feel belong is the right term for it.

Great blog!!

Posted 12-07-2014 at 10:43 AM by Saddi Saddi is offline

@ Saddi: I think there are a lot of different relationship styles. And if I were in a M/s style, ownership would probably be accurate. Or if I was into objectification I would like it a lot more. Or if I decide to try petplay, I suppose I would have an owner. Although conventional wisdom states that cats own their humans, so I might be covered.

And my hangups about certain words tend to be due to negative connotations I apply to them after asssociating them with negative events in my life. Plenty of other people love the same words I dislike, which is awesome to see and talk about.

I do think that a truly deep relationship of any sort has some impact on all areas of your life. But that might be another blog.

Posted 12-07-2014 at 11:11 AM by kittenlyss kittenlyss is offline

I like your talk of connotations. I never really thought about it that much, but I guess belonging is better than being owned. We all want to belong somewhere, to feel at home and at ease. A person can make you feel like you belong, a good Dom should be able to do that!

And you know what? Your Dom most certainly belongs to you as well. It's a two way street. I bet he knows that and... I bet you make sure he knows it as well.

Posted 12-07-2014 at 03:13 PM by drwarschauu drwarschauu is offline

Updated 12-07-2014 at 03:18 PM by drwarschauu

I feel the same way, in general I don't like being called 'owned' (and have had at least one pretty funny conversation around it with a trial run Dom) for the same reasons you and NLG said, I am the only one who owns all aspects of myself.

I don't think my current Dominant would ever even want or consider saying he owns me, but I don't think it would bother me if he did because I know he doesn't think of me as an object or his possession. He has said I am his and parts of me and my right to orgasm belong to him. I love it when he says that, it makes me so smooshy, and he could say owned all he wanted with that!

I do think it is a combination of semantics and different relationships. I can't stand it when a Dom tries to say they own me right away, even parts of me - they have to earn that through trust and respect, it's not just given; but I also don't consider myself a slave and could never be one, so that could be part of the difference.

It's funny, though, whenever I see people's signatures that say owned by _____, I think it is so sweet!

Posted 12-07-2014 at 06:07 PM by justJane justJane is offline

	I fall on the other side of the mine. I want you all to myself, but I would generally have you say im yours a time or 2 before declaring you are all mine! Even though I am a dom I feel the sub believes it much more when she has been saying shes all yours. But with saying that I love to protect her and make sure nothing bad happens at all. Thats part of being mine
	Posted 12-07-2014 at 08:21 PM by Shadowice

Using the word 'owning' makes it easier for me to submit, for example when my dom tells me I must or must not do certain things with my body. It becomes very natural for me to obey because my dom, not me, owns my body

However, in terms of deciding what and how much to do what we do, in general, I am never ever treated as an object, or as a passive thing. Nor do I want to be like that. My opinion and feeling and preference matters very much.

Having said that, it's part of my fantasy, though...

I think myself being an object (literally) in a scene for my dom is hot.

Posted 12-08-2014 at 04:50 AM by ariana ariana is offline

Good post. In my opinion the word belongs more to a world of fantasy. I mean, very few of us, even if we wanted to, will ever be really 'owned' with the true meaning of the word. It's almost impossible for one to truly be owned because of the fact that in the real world we have families, friends and things that are important to us. Even the ones that claim to 'live it 24/7' cannot be truly 'owned'. However when I imagine myself with the man of my dreams in a relationship full of passion and love whispering in my ear 'You're just property to me, I own you' my automatic response is 'Oh yeah, definitely!'. Hope I got my point across, I'm not too good at expressing myself.

Posted 12-10-2014 at 09:58 AM by HCM HCM is offline

Finally found time to sit down and reply to all of the awesome comments. Sorry, everyone, for taking so long.

@Dwarf: Connotations are fun to think and talk about! I love seeing how different cultures and how different people interpret words.

As for him knowing he belongs to me... I do say MINE a lot.

@justJane: I agree that it's different if someone you're already close enough to to know how they think and feel about you says something like that. And it is awesome to be reminded what does belong to him.

@Shadow: The way you say it sounds so sweet! Probably one of the reasons you and Brooke are perfect together.

@ariana: I can see how giving over the ownership of your body makes it easier to do things that you maybe wouldn't normally do.

@HCM: I think the intrusion of reality into our fantasies might be the reason I struggle with a lot of things. Not just this particular word. That's just the one I decided to write about this time.

Posted 12-14-2014 at 01:51 PM by kittenlyss kittenlyss is offline

	So glad you commented on this meaning I got to read it. You know I am in agreement. My main agreement is the post-script though, about how connotations of words have VERY powerful meanings to me. We're fortunate in that our connotations generally match up. Thanks for belonging to me and letting me belong to ye, Wigglyss
	Posted 12-14-2014 at 08:15 PM by DoingMyBest

@Doom: Thanks for belonging to me. My Bangle.

Posted 12-15-2014 at 03:46 AM by kittenlyss

Archive
< April 2024
Su	Mo	Tu	We	Th	Fr	Sa
24	25	26	27	28	29	30
31	1	2	3	4	5	6
7	8	9	10	11	12	13
14	15	16	17	18	19	20
21	22	23	24	25	26	27
28	29	30	1	2	3	4

	@Doom: Thanks for belonging to me. My Bangle.
	Posted 12-15-2014 at 03:46 AM by kittenlyss

getDare Forums Message

Cancel Changes