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Why nobody wants you as a slave (and how you can fix that)

Posted 08-13-2020 at 01:05 PM by CSasha
Updated 08-14-2020 at 03:45 AM by CSasha

I have noticed a pattern:

Quote:
... and you can dom me a whole day
Quote:
... and I will be your slave for 4 hours
If you are one of those posting this or offering something alike in your PM dares, and don't get the attention you expected, or have a friend doing this, the following may help you to get any responses more likely, and hence the actual session you want.

Quote:
Nobody interested? Bump ...
This also generally applies to you if you are missing replies to your posted PM dares, blog post offering to be dared or "punished", as well as to your thread. Reconsider at the point you are tempted to bump your own thread.

Back SLAVERY was more common in the most wealthy society on earth (from ancient Egypt, Greece, the Roman Empire, United states, and all those less famous tribes empires sharing those principles), a slave was a property to exploit for profit, also luxury comfort and sexual abuse, BUT mainly profit. And at least you could sell it for money.

Profit, money, labor, these are things always valued. So their in demand. Hence, if you offer your labor or money, you'll have other queue up to exploit you.

Your "sacrifice" to suffer, serve, or obey for a partner is not a payment but only a Like, a preference for sexual activities. It's not a kind of payment at all, nor does it reduce the effort to engage with you, quite the contrary, nor does it make you more attractive or worth "taking" or owning. It only makes you compatible with the counterpart of tops with according Likes, nothing else. Even for those who own something as high demand as a young, clean, healthy vagina or another hole in demand, just offering doesn't guarantee the treatment you are looking for anywhere or anytime.

Nowadays, here on getDare, and other BDSM communities, SLAVE has a new meaning around a kind of partnership from a single session of some kinky online dares to a long-time relationship TPE (total power exchange), CIS (completely irrevocable submission), no-limits, what-have-you rules you consent on at least once. It's a type of a mutual agreement on the level of having SEX. Even online people tend to be picky about it. Preferences better overlap to make the effort of communication and spend time worth it. On top of that the personal chemistry should be right.

And then, you are in a pretty tough market, the demand for you as a "slave" is not as high as you hope. The supply is plenty in relation to that. That might be even more extreme if you identify as a male sub and are restricted to a master identifying as female (and another evidence that your slave-being is different from the ancient concept when you didn't choose your master and the time frame and limits of your service).

Once you realize this (sorry for the disappointment), you can actually do something about it. There are plenty ways of doing better:

- Stop annoying. Don't spoil your potential partners: everyone you spam via copied messages, thoughtless posts, or unsupported friend requests will unlikely give you a second chance even after you improved. Care for your methods and appearance first.

- Be honest to others and true to yourself. Get to know what is a must-have condition for you, and what your preferences are. Don't drop them for a looks-like opportunity to Resist the temptation in desperate times. Know your limits. Integrity is sexy and makes you attractive! It will also attract less of those people you don't want to engage and more of the people you'll have a good time with.

- Get friends. This can be people out of your preference scheme for a play partner. Maybe that's even better. Maybe they look for the same or similar partners as you do. Good!
First of all, friends support you in your integrity and your search for a partner as much as you support them. Together we are more likely to succeed. Second, you train the social skills (empathy!) and educate yourself as much as you need to. That also raises your chances. And third, true friends give you honest feedback how you are doing, what you do right, and what you should work on and improve. You need that!

- Empathize with your partners. A common mistake is to think your partner appreciates the very same things as you do or as you think. The bait has to suit the worm. Read up what your potential partners are looking for, for example Dominant women. Adapt while staying true to yourself. Step into their shoes of daily life and looking for partners, getting spammed and annoyed, and care for how you can avoid looking like all other people wasting their time. Make a difference!

- Advertise! Now this is tricky:

You could spam around and just hope to hit the jackpot on that tiny chance with each attempt. I see many people doing that. Be aware that this spoils potential partners and your reputation. Just think about how serious you take commercials thoughtlessly thrown at you, or even bluntly aimed at you via possibly matching keywords in your last search engine usage.

There are better ways, for example, brand marketing. Know what you are, and be yourself every day. Then go out and present yourself. Be active, thoughtfully contribute to others activities and post your own content. Thoughts on everything, especially besides your search for a partner, insights into your daily life, emotions, fantasies, thinking, principles, conflicts, drama, triumphs. You don't need much advertisement if you are persistently putting out content and adding to other users' activities. Linked words in your signature help though, and they are not spamming (unless you put all words in caps and size 7).
Build up a reputation and word will spread. Your friends will forward your ad and promote your search.


- Another little trick you might consider: lower the entry level. For every stranger, you are unknown. Likes, Dislikes, Limits, Toys, Experiences, Capabilities, living situation, personality. They know so little about you, especially if you don't have that much details and content yet. They might ask themselves if you are worth engaging with, and an "I don't know" quickly turns into an "I won't do".

But if you offer little, clear and easy to trigger packages like PM dares, add threads, or just a few simple options what to make you do for them, that low effort tempts to just do so. Bam!, got them engaged and hooked for more, especially once you write a decent report (also building up your reputation at the same time).
Be considerate and careful about options. Give them minimum and maximum for numbers, for example numbers of spanks or minutes of being pegged. Give them clear options, for example implements to spank yourself with. Or no options other than to add or not to add, or to trigger this task or another. Give them some simple restrictions like no double posts. Make your offer to play with them on unknown ground simple and appealing. Make it easy to start playing with you.

Besides potentially engaging with a suiting partner, this will help you get friends and provide you experience, hence making you even more attractive for the ones you are looking for.


- Giving helps in many ways! I can also not emphasize enough how important it is to not only ask for attention by offering to do something or asking for dares and tasks to be given to you. Be active and give task, engage with people, be active. People are way more likely to contribute to your thread or offer after having seen you continuously contributing to other threads and offers especially while you are not running your own threads.
Don't be an egoist, especially not as a "slave".


- The unfortunate question is, how much continuous effort and time will you take to achieve this?


In any case, good luck and much success to you.
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Comments

  1. Old Comment
    Nicely written. I would say a similar thought process can be applied for the dominant side as well.
    Posted 08-13-2020 at 04:57 PM by SirD SirD is offline
  2. Old Comment
    Wow. Thank you so much for writing this! I’m pretty new here and this is exactly what I needed.
    Posted 08-13-2020 at 07:53 PM by Treasureofdesire Treasureofdesire is offline
  3. Old Comment
    Jaro's Avatar
    Great advice Cass. As always! You are really the getDare guru here!

    One thing I'd like to add is that kinky slavery (as opposed to ancient, Roman-type slavery) is still a two way street: even in a TPE. Both parties should have something to offer to the other and both should know each other really well before you can - and should - do something as intense as TPE slavery.

    What these "control me for a day" people are seeking is not being someone's slave, but simply someone to give them tasks that they want to get. Even when they say "no limits" (which is stupid to do with a stranger if you really mean it) they DO have limits.

    Instead of posting something like that, they should instead be honest and say they are just seeking someone to give them kinky tasks. If you do that, but ALSO offer something in return like giving reports, posting in YOUR thread, giving YOU a dare next time you'll have a much greater chance of success.
    Posted 08-15-2020 at 09:12 AM by Jaro Jaro is offline
  4. Old Comment
    deschut's Avatar
    Very well written again, I love reading your blogs! You give great advice, it's indeed important to join in and interact - and not just expect to be given things.

    Well done!
    Posted 08-18-2020 at 10:02 PM by deschut deschut is offline
  5. Old Comment
    CSasha's Avatar
    Many thanks. I'll keep up blogging.
    Posted 08-19-2020 at 01:13 AM by CSasha CSasha is offline
  6. Old Comment
    SlutGuy's Avatar
    I want to say that I especially like the advice of making friends. I was lucky enough to have someone that gave me a chance and kind of introduced me to chat. I have made so many friends there that are both dominants and submissives. I think that it was the best introduction to kink that I could have gotten. I immediately had a support group and people that I could learn from and talk to. I met my Master in the chat and we oftentimes hold our play in the chat for everyone to watch.
    Posted 08-19-2020 at 04:30 PM by SlutGuy SlutGuy is offline
 

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