Asslvr says that he loves me all the time. Actually usually multiple times a day. However that isn't how I know he loves me. I know because of the million little things he does for me all the time.

Stopping at the gas station just to pump my gas (when we are driving two seperate vehicles)

*Bringing me home a butterfly balloon because you know it will make me smile

*Offering

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Warning: I am writting this as I lay in bed and really have no idea where it is going to lead but I need an outlet for these emotions so here it is ....

I am sad.

I really don't know what a single cause to my sadness is but I feel it. This overwhelming sadness. I have cried several times over the last few days.

I am lonely.

I don't know how it is possible that I am lonely as I lay next to the man I love but I am. I feel so alone. Don't get...

A couple days ago I wrote a blog about mine and Asslvr's love story. It somehow turned out longer than I expected, so I didn't get to discuss the original point of the blog. Which is that I hate we have to hide our love story.

Whenever I tell somebody that Asslvr and I met online, they seem to want to know every detail. The problem is, we are not open about our kink to our families....

Just over two years ago now, I was having a really rough time at life. I was engaged to a man who I had been with for 6 years. Our relationship had completely broken down. We barely talked most days, and we had not slept in the same room for over a month. I had been considering my options for about 6 months, but we had planned a trip to Disney World and I didn't want to back out as it was already planned and paid for. I was hoping a vacation would rekindle the spark.

It seemed like it...

I have been wanting to blog more lately but seem to be having trouble to find inspiration for topics (I blame it on the wedding!). I thought it would be fun to give you all an opportunity to inspire me and torture/pleasure me at the same time.

So here is how it will work ...

You can send me a pm once a day with the following:

1. What topic you would like me to write about. This can be a general topic or a question.
2. What you would like me to do while...

I have always struggled with self confidence and self esteem. I have never believed that I was pretty, let alone beautiful. Other than my mom, I was never called either of those words growing up, or in my 6 year relationship with my ex.

The only time I was ever called beautiful was by men who wanted sex from me. So when I met Asslvr and he called me those things, I banned the word beautiful. I always felt that the only reason somebody said that word to me was to get something from me,...

Just a warning this blog was posted in the midst of a hangover and from my phone so it may not make sense and may contain lots of errors.

Two years ago today, Asslvr asked me to be his sub. It has been a crazy Rollercoaster of ups and downs for the two of us. It has been thrilling and exciting (so exciting at times I have felt like throwing up ... ie waiting at the airport to meet him for the first time). Even though it's been a wild ride, I have never felt so safe and secure.
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