27 Year Old Virgin
Posted 12-23-2017 at 05:15 PM by PrincessJessica
As part of a new, and temporary rule, I've effectively got to blog about something I'm uncomfortable talking about for the next 3 days...most of the blogs so far have focused on things I have done but this one's something I haven't...sex!
Ah sex, the ultimate passionate expression of 2 people's love for one another...or at least something better to do rather than watching rubbish TV. That feeling of closeness to another human being that doesn't find you utterly repulsive, to feel their body and make them moan in ways you can never imagine and...well how the heck should I know
I've never had sex (of any kind) and never had a girlfriend (or boyfriend). Ugh, I'm not massively keen at all to admit either of them but writing these blogs is slowly breaking down my defences.
In this seemingly sex-obsessed society where nearly half of teenagers have had sex I suppose an explanation is in order. I suppose some of has to do with my childhood, my parents separated when I was very young and, like many children whose parents separate early, it left me emotionally scarred. It's not that I didn't come across plenty of other married couples, they just never seemed to be... well happy. It seemed to lead to more headaches than smiles; more heartache than love. I never wanted a relationship as I'd just never seen the upside to making a commitment of any sort. Sure it looked exciting in the early stages, the possibility of sex was alluring but the end result seemed to be the same; pain. Why bother?
So I went into the stage where most youngsters experiment and find a girlfriend/boyfriend in pretty unromantic spirits. Mother nature's thought of this possibility though and my hormones began to tease & tempt me. I certainly wouldn't call myself a "catch" but there were at least some girls in high school that I could have/should have asked out that probably would have said "Yes". However, my psychological hold-ups, commitment issues and general lack of self-confidence, over-ruled my hormones. I realise now of course that even if some relationships don't work all the time it doesn't mean there aren't some amazing moment in there that are worth taking a risk for.
I'd about figured that out by the end of high school when I had my first kiss...but still, something held me back from making anything more & meaningful out of it. They say you regret the things you don't do far more than the things you do, and that's certainly true for me here
College and University largely whizzed by "love life" wise, I seemed on the outside of the "social crowd" by choice; parties, bars, clubs and everything else just isn't for me. I commuted into University which also just limited my chances to meet that special someone. I'm teetotal so can't even lose my inhibitions, and that horrible "V" word, that way
Since then my bad health's rather put an end to any real desire to find a girlfriend (or indeed boyfriend; I'm more sexually attracted to girls but am a least open-minded enough to say the love of my life could be a guy). I can just about look after myself without adding more headaches. Circumstances have conspired against me and well that's that for now. In my dark moments, and thanks to the marvel of the internet, I've been tempted to just pay to get the monkey off my back. A couple of wasted pounds on meaningless sex and I wouldn't have to worry about being a virgin ever again. I'd rather wait, find the right person and have the right meaningful first experience; you only lose it once and there's plenty of fun things I can get up to without needing somebody else to join in
So, according to Hollywood, I'm about half-way through my adult life to being film worthy. I'd be lying if I said that didn't hurt a little, to miss out on finding that connection with someone; not even just for sex but any kind of 2-way emotional relationship. My lack of sex bother's me a little less, maybe ignorance really is bliss there. My mind may be ready to overcome my fears but, for now, my body isn't playing along. Ugh, that's an awful lot of writing for not doing something but I suppose is indicative of how defensive & embarrassed I am about it. I know the right person is out there, it's just needs my mind, body and circumstances to allign just a little bit so I can do something about it.
Ah sex, the ultimate passionate expression of 2 people's love for one another...or at least something better to do rather than watching rubbish TV. That feeling of closeness to another human being that doesn't find you utterly repulsive, to feel their body and make them moan in ways you can never imagine and...well how the heck should I know
I've never had sex (of any kind) and never had a girlfriend (or boyfriend). Ugh, I'm not massively keen at all to admit either of them but writing these blogs is slowly breaking down my defences. In this seemingly sex-obsessed society where nearly half of teenagers have had sex I suppose an explanation is in order. I suppose some of has to do with my childhood, my parents separated when I was very young and, like many children whose parents separate early, it left me emotionally scarred. It's not that I didn't come across plenty of other married couples, they just never seemed to be... well happy. It seemed to lead to more headaches than smiles; more heartache than love. I never wanted a relationship as I'd just never seen the upside to making a commitment of any sort. Sure it looked exciting in the early stages, the possibility of sex was alluring but the end result seemed to be the same; pain. Why bother?
So I went into the stage where most youngsters experiment and find a girlfriend/boyfriend in pretty unromantic spirits. Mother nature's thought of this possibility though and my hormones began to tease & tempt me. I certainly wouldn't call myself a "catch" but there were at least some girls in high school that I could have/should have asked out that probably would have said "Yes". However, my psychological hold-ups, commitment issues and general lack of self-confidence, over-ruled my hormones. I realise now of course that even if some relationships don't work all the time it doesn't mean there aren't some amazing moment in there that are worth taking a risk for.
I'd about figured that out by the end of high school when I had my first kiss...but still, something held me back from making anything more & meaningful out of it. They say you regret the things you don't do far more than the things you do, and that's certainly true for me here
College and University largely whizzed by "love life" wise, I seemed on the outside of the "social crowd" by choice; parties, bars, clubs and everything else just isn't for me. I commuted into University which also just limited my chances to meet that special someone. I'm teetotal so can't even lose my inhibitions, and that horrible "V" word, that way Since then my bad health's rather put an end to any real desire to find a girlfriend (or indeed boyfriend; I'm more sexually attracted to girls but am a least open-minded enough to say the love of my life could be a guy). I can just about look after myself without adding more headaches. Circumstances have conspired against me and well that's that for now. In my dark moments, and thanks to the marvel of the internet, I've been tempted to just pay to get the monkey off my back. A couple of wasted pounds on meaningless sex and I wouldn't have to worry about being a virgin ever again. I'd rather wait, find the right person and have the right meaningful first experience; you only lose it once and there's plenty of fun things I can get up to without needing somebody else to join in
So, according to Hollywood, I'm about half-way through my adult life to being film worthy. I'd be lying if I said that didn't hurt a little, to miss out on finding that connection with someone; not even just for sex but any kind of 2-way emotional relationship. My lack of sex bother's me a little less, maybe ignorance really is bliss there. My mind may be ready to overcome my fears but, for now, my body isn't playing along. Ugh, that's an awful lot of writing for not doing something but I suppose is indicative of how defensive & embarrassed I am about it. I know the right person is out there, it's just needs my mind, body and circumstances to allign just a little bit so I can do something about it.
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