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  1. Old Comment
    Azyliux's Avatar

    Communication and Respect

    I think you are very wise to suggest sympathy. I do try to remind myself of this too. Things often look very different from the other perspective when you are in their shoes. But it isn't always easy, and usually I am not angry, but feeling a mix of concern, disappointment and some frustration at just not knowing what is going on. Thanks for your comment.
    Posted 10-09-2023 at 04:48 AM by Azyliux Azyliux is offline
  2. Old Comment
    herpderp42's Avatar

    Communication and Respect

    We all knoe that feeling. I usually try not to be angry when it happens because if I enjoyed engaging with said person in the first place I did consider them as friendly. So I try and have sympathy for whatever caused it, bring angry won't mske you feel better anyways. Not always possible though.
    But you are entirely right, everything can be discussed and you seem very reasonable so I am sure you would take everything to your heart.
    Posted 10-09-2023 at 12:04 AM by herpderp42 herpderp42 is offline
    Updated 10-09-2023 at 12:12 AM by herpderp42
  3. Old Comment
    spankeegirl's Avatar

    My Safeword Rules for Online Play

    Love this!!!

    I use the traffic lights system in rl play. Its smart to introduce it in online play too
    Posted 10-07-2023 at 08:11 PM by spankeegirl spankeegirl is offline
  4. Old Comment
    Azyliux's Avatar

    My Safeword Rules for Online Play

    Thank you all for your comments and feedback.

    Yes C4E, I think it is quite important to acknowledge that a Dom/Top may need to use a RED safeword to stop a scene for a variety of reasons including those you mentioned. I have personally used RED as a Dom, most importantly when I realized that my sub at the time should have called RED themselves but didn't. I have also used it when my limits around communication (that formed part of our D/s agreement) were being violated in a way that could not be addressed within the dynamic.

    Thanks KK, it was partially incidents like described above that helped educate me as to the importance of actively encouraging my subs to use their safeword. I also agree that other safewords can be very handy. Most of my experience has however been in offline play so I love the concept of some of the specialized safewords you describe that are more aligned with online play—so much so that I will almost certainly steal your BLACK safeword at some point in the future! Thank you for introducing me to this one.
    Posted 03-21-2023 at 12:42 AM by Azyliux Azyliux is offline
  5. Old Comment
    KinkyKoala's Avatar

    My Safeword Rules for Online Play

    I love #6. I have often struggled with feeling comfortable using a safeword. So encouraging your play partner to get comfortable and use them even when not necessarily needed is awesome!

    I have found that "extra" words or phrases fit some dynamics. I've had colors for needing to step away for a length of time, unexpected family interruptions and many other reasons that sometimes require a very short one word reply. I've even had occasions where an extra word was planned for when it was too hard to properly express the emotions/triggers in that moment.

    Personally, BLACK was the most comforting safeword I ever established. It meant that any and all pictures and videos were to be deleted. This was during a time of playing deeper with humiliation. Knowing that I had the power to demand they all be erased helped ease some of the fear and allow for just the humiliation within the dynamic to exist.

    Obviously, the extra words/phrases are particular to each relationship and should always be discussed prior to any in depth play!
    Posted 03-18-2023 at 03:31 PM by KinkyKoala KinkyKoala is offline
  6. Old Comment
    pluky's Avatar

    My Safeword Rules for Online Play

    They sound very organized and thoughtful and practical, especially if one is playing with a person they don't really have a bond with.
    Posted 03-18-2023 at 09:51 AM by pluky pluky is offline
  7. Old Comment
    DeepInnerFreak's Avatar

    My Safeword Rules for Online Play

    I have used the traffic light system you explain here for the majority of my time in BDSM. I find it simple to understand from both sides of the rope. Not much thought has to go into remembering a complicated word or set of words and what they mean. It's easy to understand for both parties which is needed in certain circumstances especially when you both need to respond quickly. Last thing you need to be doing is trying to remember what the word "blueberry muffin" refers to in the heat of the moment.

    I think your explanation of the different reasons for using the words is well thought out and are generally the go to definitions. I personally haven't ever stipulated having my sub to use my honorific after green but I can see why you would include this. I like that you are explicit that clear communication lines are open once the yellow safeword has been used even if the scene isn't over, the verbal "scene dialogue" is paused until the green safeword has been used to continue.

    I also appreciate that you have highlighted two important factors. One that both parties can use the safeword system. I don't think I have ever needed to use it from a Dom/Top aspect, but it's good to have if you are out of your comfort zone and feel you are nearing a point where you may feel out of control of a scene. My last sub and I put it in place in our last dynamic, mainly as a way of addressing bratiness which I hadn't had much experience with at the time. However I can see how this also would be useful for a Dom if you are topping someone with vastly more experience than you. It is not just the submissive who has emotional/physical limits in a scene.

    The second is that the safeword is not punishable. Sadly I have had a few interactions where s-types have told me they have been mocked or scolded for safewording. It saddens me that someone would take an opportunity to build a deeper connection with a person and simply turn it into an opportunity to abuse them.

    Overall great read and a very thorough demonstration of your care and knowledge as a Dominant. Thank you for sharing and I hope these thoughts are felt by anyone else reading especially your future submissive.
    Posted 03-18-2023 at 07:45 AM by DeepInnerFreak DeepInnerFreak is offline
    Updated 03-18-2023 at 07:48 AM by DeepInnerFreak (Spelling error)
  8. Old Comment
    pluky's Avatar

    How do I want to humiliate a sub?

    I was just thinking, I think things that are degrading are inherently either intended to be or experienced as (or both) as humiliating.

    Humiliation is more of a feeling (experienced by a person or inflicted to someone) that can be caused by degradation or a lot of other things that vary from one person to another, sort of like a bigger category.

    What can be humiliating ?
    - degrading names, language and actions
    - controlling behavior
    - exposure
    - belittling, mocking
    - takin away privacy, being seen not in your best light
    - being caught or admitting actions or thoughts that make you feel shameful

    etc
    Posted 02-25-2023 at 02:06 AM by pluky pluky is offline
  9. Old Comment
    Butterfly's Avatar

    How do I want to humiliate a sub?

    Distinguishing between humiliation and degradation is hard and it really does lend itself to defining it on a personal level. For me, I am enjoying exploring a bit of humiliation and being blushy but I don't want to ever cross the line into degradation. Just the other day I was talking to my Dom and he asked me where spitting on me would fall on that spectrum. We had a discussion about how I would feel and we determined it was firmly in the degradation category for me, and therefore a limit at this time. But without that conversation it would be hard to determine where that would fall because I am sure a lot of people would feel differently than me.
    Posted 02-24-2023 at 06:22 PM by Butterfly Butterfly is offline
  10. Old Comment
    Sabina's Avatar

    How do I want to humiliate a sub?

    A very clever and insightful comment, pluky!
    Posted 02-23-2023 at 04:56 PM by Sabina Sabina is offline
  11. Old Comment
    pluky's Avatar

    How do I want to humiliate a sub?

    "Discrimination - treating sub as racially inferior and calling her racially degrading names ! (I am a bit ashamed myself for having this desire)"

    So this one works both ways, everybody gets humiliated ��
    Posted 02-23-2023 at 12:57 AM by pluky pluky is offline
  12. Old Comment
    DeepInnerFreak's Avatar

    How do I want to humiliate a sub?

    What a great post. Humiliation is one of my favorite kinks both as a Dom/Top and as a bottom. Your point of not trying to distinguish between humiliation and degradation is so wise. Whilst there are obvious differences with some examples, some are also blurry and in all honesty so long as you and your partner can communicate what you both want/need, putting a label on it isn't important.

    I also like that your post identifies that humiliation is very personal to the person receiving it at that what works for one does not work for all. I often struggle with this with casual/one-off partners if there has been no prior discussion. I was in fact faced with this yesterday and just decided to leave "teasing" the person as there was no obvious thing they wanted. Communication is definitely a very important factor for both parties to get out of this what they want.

    Your list is well thought out and covers a fantastic range of humiliating and in my opinion degrading activities, and would be a great aid for someone new exploring this kink or for a future play partner of yours to see if they could meet most of your needs.

    I love reading thoughtful, intelligent and well written pieces likes this. It prompts me to think and clarify things in my head as well as to learn a thing or two. Thank you for posting.
    Posted 02-22-2023 at 11:51 PM by DeepInnerFreak DeepInnerFreak is offline
    Updated 02-23-2023 at 12:32 AM by DeepInnerFreak (Spelling error)

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