A random assortment of reports, thoughts, ramblings and information. Pretty much a view inside my wonderfully complicated, sometimes broken, and entertaining mind.
Switchy Switch
As most of you know, I am a switch. However, for the longest time I was reluctant to consider myself a switch. The reason being, I struggled to switch with the same partner. Instead, I liked to call myself a sub who switches. I know, I know ... that really isn't much different, but I felt like it got my point across better.
Early on in my relationship with Mr. Devious, I tried to switch with him. I was given a week to give him rules and play with him. I was so excited, but it went horribly. I lost my confidence and just wanted to be his little subby instead. It caused a lot of stress, and I vowed that I was never going to try Domming again. (We all know that didn't happen!).
I learned later on that the problem wasn't with my Domming skills. I think I am pretty good at it actually (if I do say so myself). Rather, I struggle with switching my role with the same person.
I have tried a few times again since then, and every time it just ruined the vibe. Most people I meet (in a kink context) either make me feel subby or make me feel dommy. It is something that I will know pretty early on in getting to know them. There have been few people who I have met who can make me feel both feelings, but as soon as a role is chosen, that is the role we take on.
For this reason, I am always pretty careful when establishing a new relationship. Especially if I want that person to Dom me. If there is a blurring of lines, it can ruin any potential dommy vibes. A lot of times, I get switches responding to my ad. Originally they present themselves as being a Dom and wanting to dom me, but sometimes they will start to ask questions about my Dom style, and things that I make my sub do. It almost always leads to them asking if I would show them how I Dom by taking control of them. I have also been known to give Doms epiphanies. I am so magical, I can turn them into switches! Any mention of this completely ends things for me. It is for this reason that I normally stay away from switches.
I can much more easily go between my Domming head space and my subby headspace with different people. I can easily give Jaro a task or an order, and then take orders or play with my Dom. It is very compartmentalized. Sometimes it might take a bit of work to switch between the two. If I am deep in a subby headspace then I might not be able to make decisions or give orders right away. However, when they are completely different relationships, it is much easier.
So ... it surprised me when I was with SleepySloth (my Dom) in person for the first time, I felt a bit of Domme energy towards him while I was making him cum in the morning. It was never something we really discussed, but I went with it and teased him a bit. It felt really natural and I was able to go right back to being his subby after I was done.
Once I returned home, we had a discussion about how that felt. SleepySloth is a switch and he said I was able to make him feel subby in that moment. So we discussed me getting an hour to Dom him as a reward. One hour that I can take complete control of him. Normally this would make me cringe. I would be anxious. But this felt right.
When we were together in March, I did that hour, as well as a second hour that I was able to make him agree too (hehe, I am evil). It went so well! I think the saving grace is that Sleepysloth can make me feel subby super easily. He has a look, and a voice, that just makes me melt into a subby puddle. I know, that even in that one hour, he could easily take control again if he wanted to. Another safeguard that I took was not having him call me "Miss". Rather, I had him refer to me as "My Butterfly".
Some of the things that I did while I was domming:
* Fisting (almost)
* Sounding
* Edging over and over
* Tying him to an ottoman and strapping the wand to his cock
* Post orgasm torture
* Anal hook connected to his ass and holding the vibe just out of reach so he had to stretch his ass if he wanted to reach it
* Toothpaste on his cock
* Lots of spanking
* Using the violet wand (ps. DO NOT kiss the tip of a cock when you are using the body contact. OUCH!)
Not everything went perfect, but the few bumps that we did experience are something that I am positive that we can smooth out together with more communication and practice.
Oh, and I made him agree to giving me another hour next time we are together. Holding his orgasm hostage is very effective!! Next time I am going to be ready to get much more valuable things from him!!!
Early on in my relationship with Mr. Devious, I tried to switch with him. I was given a week to give him rules and play with him. I was so excited, but it went horribly. I lost my confidence and just wanted to be his little subby instead. It caused a lot of stress, and I vowed that I was never going to try Domming again. (We all know that didn't happen!).
I learned later on that the problem wasn't with my Domming skills. I think I am pretty good at it actually (if I do say so myself). Rather, I struggle with switching my role with the same person.
I have tried a few times again since then, and every time it just ruined the vibe. Most people I meet (in a kink context) either make me feel subby or make me feel dommy. It is something that I will know pretty early on in getting to know them. There have been few people who I have met who can make me feel both feelings, but as soon as a role is chosen, that is the role we take on.
For this reason, I am always pretty careful when establishing a new relationship. Especially if I want that person to Dom me. If there is a blurring of lines, it can ruin any potential dommy vibes. A lot of times, I get switches responding to my ad. Originally they present themselves as being a Dom and wanting to dom me, but sometimes they will start to ask questions about my Dom style, and things that I make my sub do. It almost always leads to them asking if I would show them how I Dom by taking control of them. I have also been known to give Doms epiphanies. I am so magical, I can turn them into switches! Any mention of this completely ends things for me. It is for this reason that I normally stay away from switches.
I can much more easily go between my Domming head space and my subby headspace with different people. I can easily give Jaro a task or an order, and then take orders or play with my Dom. It is very compartmentalized. Sometimes it might take a bit of work to switch between the two. If I am deep in a subby headspace then I might not be able to make decisions or give orders right away. However, when they are completely different relationships, it is much easier.
So ... it surprised me when I was with SleepySloth (my Dom) in person for the first time, I felt a bit of Domme energy towards him while I was making him cum in the morning. It was never something we really discussed, but I went with it and teased him a bit. It felt really natural and I was able to go right back to being his subby after I was done.
Once I returned home, we had a discussion about how that felt. SleepySloth is a switch and he said I was able to make him feel subby in that moment. So we discussed me getting an hour to Dom him as a reward. One hour that I can take complete control of him. Normally this would make me cringe. I would be anxious. But this felt right.
When we were together in March, I did that hour, as well as a second hour that I was able to make him agree too (hehe, I am evil). It went so well! I think the saving grace is that Sleepysloth can make me feel subby super easily. He has a look, and a voice, that just makes me melt into a subby puddle. I know, that even in that one hour, he could easily take control again if he wanted to. Another safeguard that I took was not having him call me "Miss". Rather, I had him refer to me as "My Butterfly".
Some of the things that I did while I was domming:
* Fisting (almost)
* Sounding
* Edging over and over
* Tying him to an ottoman and strapping the wand to his cock
* Post orgasm torture
* Anal hook connected to his ass and holding the vibe just out of reach so he had to stretch his ass if he wanted to reach it
* Toothpaste on his cock
* Lots of spanking
* Using the violet wand (ps. DO NOT kiss the tip of a cock when you are using the body contact. OUCH!)
Not everything went perfect, but the few bumps that we did experience are something that I am positive that we can smooth out together with more communication and practice.
Oh, and I made him agree to giving me another hour next time we are together. Holding his orgasm hostage is very effective!! Next time I am going to be ready to get much more valuable things from him!!!
Total Comments 3
Comments
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I have definitely faced issues with partners not being able to switch with me. I generally don't have too much of a problem, but I have found more often than not a sub will see me differently after a topping session and it can make things messy. I guess it removes the Dommy façade for some. Others just are not comfortable with it at all which is totally fine. Like you I came to the conclusion it's best not to go there unless it's been thoroughly thought through and needs discussed. My last sub for example was more than eager to be mean to me on occasion. So happy that you can switch with your Dom. Personally I think it's beautiful to be able to see that part of someone. (if it's naturally there and not forced) I find you do feel so much closer to them but totally get why in most cases it does not work. Surprised to hear he did not receive a small glitter parade as he came though
Thanks for posting, it made me smile
Posted 04-03-2023 at 04:07 AM by DeepInnerFreak 
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This is awesome! I am so happy you found someone you are comfortable switching with.
But what is an ottoman?Posted 04-03-2023 at 09:13 PM by Jaro
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This is an ottomanQuote:Originally Posted by Jaro
This is awesome! I am so happy you found someone you are comfortable switching with.
But what is an ottoman?
Posted 04-03-2023 at 09:49 PM by Butterfly
