Shyness is a bitch
Posted 12-08-2018 at 04:40 PM by Phaade
Hey everyone!
I have a bit of free time at the moment and thought I need to catch up a bit with blogs and Threads since I just made this Account. Also I have alot of things and ideas that I want to "bring to paper".
This Blog will be quite hard for me to write and I am sure it took me quite some time to finish it, because it is a real problem of mine and I struggle alot because of it.
Also something to mention is that this Blog specifically is inspired by Jaro (atleast a bit/he made me want to post it now.)
In his recent Blog "Thank you KINK" (go check it out if you haven't! It's amazing!!) He wrote about going to his first Munch and the need to be pushed by someone to actually follow through and that he became more confident and tried out more public dares.
Now this really inspired me to talk about things like this, because I still can't bring myself to do more public stuff (safe of course if anything ) and go to munches for example.
So to start things off I think I have to go way back to my childhood.
You could say I was always the nerd type, although I did play in sports clubs in my school (soccer and volleyball) and had a few friends and generally had a good or neutral relationship with everyone. I wasn't really popular, but I wasn't unpopular either.
But the thing is that I always have been an introvert. I don't really talk much about myself and my feelings, so writing this Blog is something I usually wouldn't do.
Now this has kind of led to me not making alot of friends over my schooltime and even after that I hardly meet people I call friends afterwards. I have a core group of 5 guys who are my best friends and thats about it.
Now you might have noticed that I said 5 guys. I actually don't have a single girl friend.
Thats the thing that is the most annoying to me about myself. When talking to girls I start to get shy and nervous, I don't know what to talk about and I really don't know how to get them to be my friends when I like hanging out with them.
Thats mostly because I never had new friends since 5th class and so I really didn't know how to approach new people and especially what to do with them.
All of that is also one of the reasons why I never had a girlfriend. I just never had the guts to ask a girl out that I liked, or I considered dating. The fact aside that since I don't have any experience in it, adds to my shyness and "fear".
Still being a virgin also doesn't help, when I hear from friends all the time how important sex is and how everyone does it often and should have done it with like 17 the first time.
Now I am 21 and a Virgin and on top of that have had a circumsition in february, so it is really sensitive and I cum way to quick. That is like the worst thought for me. Actually getting someone to want to be my friend and maybe even have sex with me and then failing miserably.
Its maybe what scares me the most. The irrational fear that I blow it when I suck in bed. What I definitely will for sure. Atleast the first times.
Now I started to try working on it abit. I try to talk with customers more, with cashiers and waiters and make jokes and be more open and enganing. It mostly works, but I just don't know where to "look" for friends now to begin working on that.
I have no clue where I could meet people that I can befriend or maybe flirt with (although I think I couldn't just go up to a girl and ask her out).
Overall I think I will try to work up the courage to go to a munch and get to know more people, who for sure share a like with me-KINK.
But I have to see if I can get myself to go there...
I have a bit of free time at the moment and thought I need to catch up a bit with blogs and Threads since I just made this Account. Also I have alot of things and ideas that I want to "bring to paper".
This Blog will be quite hard for me to write and I am sure it took me quite some time to finish it, because it is a real problem of mine and I struggle alot because of it.
Also something to mention is that this Blog specifically is inspired by Jaro (atleast a bit/he made me want to post it now.)
In his recent Blog "Thank you KINK" (go check it out if you haven't! It's amazing!!) He wrote about going to his first Munch and the need to be pushed by someone to actually follow through and that he became more confident and tried out more public dares.
Quote:
I am thankful for becoming more confident as a person thanks to kink. My Misses specifically have forced me to do quite a few very daring (hidden) public dares
I am thankful for recently going to a munch and meeting the first person ever from this website: Pariahterror! Without him pushing me, I probably wouldn't have gone and now I want to go more often. I really want to meet people and perhaps have play time in real life too and this is but a small step in the right direction.
I am thankful for recently going to a munch and meeting the first person ever from this website: Pariahterror! Without him pushing me, I probably wouldn't have gone and now I want to go more often. I really want to meet people and perhaps have play time in real life too and this is but a small step in the right direction.
So to start things off I think I have to go way back to my childhood.
You could say I was always the nerd type, although I did play in sports clubs in my school (soccer and volleyball) and had a few friends and generally had a good or neutral relationship with everyone. I wasn't really popular, but I wasn't unpopular either.
But the thing is that I always have been an introvert. I don't really talk much about myself and my feelings, so writing this Blog is something I usually wouldn't do.
Now this has kind of led to me not making alot of friends over my schooltime and even after that I hardly meet people I call friends afterwards. I have a core group of 5 guys who are my best friends and thats about it.
Now you might have noticed that I said 5 guys. I actually don't have a single girl friend.
Thats the thing that is the most annoying to me about myself. When talking to girls I start to get shy and nervous, I don't know what to talk about and I really don't know how to get them to be my friends when I like hanging out with them.
Thats mostly because I never had new friends since 5th class and so I really didn't know how to approach new people and especially what to do with them.
All of that is also one of the reasons why I never had a girlfriend. I just never had the guts to ask a girl out that I liked, or I considered dating. The fact aside that since I don't have any experience in it, adds to my shyness and "fear".
Still being a virgin also doesn't help, when I hear from friends all the time how important sex is and how everyone does it often and should have done it with like 17 the first time.
Now I am 21 and a Virgin and on top of that have had a circumsition in february, so it is really sensitive and I cum way to quick. That is like the worst thought for me. Actually getting someone to want to be my friend and maybe even have sex with me and then failing miserably.
Its maybe what scares me the most. The irrational fear that I blow it when I suck in bed. What I definitely will for sure. Atleast the first times.
Now I started to try working on it abit. I try to talk with customers more, with cashiers and waiters and make jokes and be more open and enganing. It mostly works, but I just don't know where to "look" for friends now to begin working on that.
I have no clue where I could meet people that I can befriend or maybe flirt with (although I think I couldn't just go up to a girl and ask her out).
Overall I think I will try to work up the courage to go to a munch and get to know more people, who for sure share a like with me-KINK.
But I have to see if I can get myself to go there...
Total Comments 7
Comments
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I am introvert as well (and a bit geeky, dungeons and dragons anyone XD ), and it is pretty hard to talk to some people. But when you have the same interests it really helps with talking. Just like a barrier goes down.
I only have been to 3 munched and am planning to go to even more. And from what I have experienced, there have been very friendly people. And there will be talks apart from kink.
I hope you will meet some great people at your first munch. A great place to find munches is on fetlife.
Good luck and have fun on your first munch.Posted 12-08-2018 at 05:09 PM by Pariahterror 
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I may come across as a social butterfly and pretty confidence around here, but in real life I struggle with meeting new people, and starting conversations.
I get very anxious and shy when going into new situations and I too need to be pushed. It is something that I am really working on. I consider myself an introverted extrovert.
I love being around MY people, but new people scare me. It takes every ounce of courage for me to put myself in a situation where there are a lot of people, or where there is even a small group of people that I am meeting and need to interact with for the first time.
I wish you luck and I hope that being here and meeting people who share your interest give you the confidence and encouragement to push you out of your comfort zone.Posted 12-10-2018 at 08:03 PM by Butterfly
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First of all, thank you for liking my blog and I'm happy it inspired you to write this one. Because now I can give you some of my insights which I hope will help you at least a bit.
I am very much like you and some ways. I am a major introvert, generally don't like talking (in real life) and certainly don't like talking about myself.
Thus, meeting new people is very hard for me because I simply don't know what to say. I could ask a direct question like 'where are you from' or 'what do you do' and they will respond and I will be like 'okay'... and then silence.
Sometimes I do try, but it usually ends in awkward silences where the person I am talking to moves along to someone else who is more interesting.
Talking to a girl I am attracted to is naturally harder and like you, I never really asked a girl out because if it. So also like you I am a virgin, but a 38 year old one at that.
So I am 38 but you are only 21. When I was your age I wasn't even seeing the problem, let alone thinking about ways to deal with it. You already are! So that's great!
I also really think a munch - or the kink community in general - is a great way for us shy/socially awkward/introverted people to meet new people. Yes it will still be hard for us to talk to people, but the great thing about kinky people is that I really think most of them are very open minded, non-judgemental and accepting of people who are 'strange' or 'different'. And I think the same definitely cannot be said for vanilla people I think.
So this is why I said 'thank you kink'. Because I think kink will help me into meeting new people and... possibly... also a girlfriends some day. And I believe you can too!Posted 12-11-2018 at 09:21 AM by Jaro
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I really know how you feel. I am painfully shy. I have done some personality tests and been told they have never seen anyone so high up the introverted scale! Then combine this with having aspergers syndrome and it really is not a good combination!
I find ANY social interaction extremely difficult and uncomfortable. Online, I can fake it a bit, but in person, I really am hopeless. Making conversation is so unnatural to me, even with family I find it hard. Sam is the only person I talk to daily (and even than, I'm hardly talkative) (excluding essential work related talking when I'm at work, incidentally, I feel really sorry for the guy I work with. We just work in silence most of the time....) I can go days without talking to anyone else verbally. I absolutely dread any party's or social gatherings and avoid them if at all possible. If I do go out with anyone, it's usually to the cinema or something, so there's not reason to talk.....
So you are not alone in this. Sorry, this probably didn't help much..Posted 12-11-2018 at 11:38 AM by Matt:
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It actually helps alot. Atleast for me it is really nice to hear things like this.Quote:So you are not alone in this. Sorry, this probably didn't help much..
Especially from you people. I kind of look up to you and its really soothing to know you even share some of my struggles.
I know most of your struggles and its really hard for me to meet new people and get comfortable around them. And as Butterfly said, I have my people,where I can talk and be myself and have no problems. And then when new people come its like a switch that turns and Im a stuttering, nervous and shy weirdo..
But I will try to work on my problems and get better with it and GetDare definitely helped already in getting more confident.
And I really hope I can find a Domme in the future who can maybe push me more
Posted 12-11-2018 at 12:43 PM by Phaade
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I'm also on the quiet side, although maybe not to the degree other people have mentioned on here. But having a one-on-one conversation can be difficult with some people especially new ones. You can only ask 'What's new?' or "What about the weather?" so many times. Words just don't always flow.
I really find it much easier to converse while doing some activity, rather than just talking alone. It may be work, or volunteer somewhere, or sports, or just getting some chore done. This way you focus on and discuss the activity, not think about your shyness. You get used to the other person and loosen up after a bit.
Posted 12-11-2018 at 04:09 PM by DaVance
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Adding my two cents to the discussion.. Hope I am not digressing..
I feel shyness in talking to new people may come from being less confident (my personal view only.. may not apply to all in general) and people get more confident with experience and as they grow older, learn more about themselves and the world in general and have more things to talk about. And it is easier to talk to people who have similar interests so while it maybe hard to approach certain people, every now and then we meet one whom we just naturally get along with and are more at ease with than others.
Personally as an introvertish person myself I have never been able to do the small talk or felt any interest in asking or answering questions like say, "So what have you been doing lately" or "what are your weekend plans" in random social scenarios but have always preferred to stay "to the point" at the expense of being thought of as "arrogant". While as a kid who had an older sister who was an extrovert, I often felt pressured to be more outgoing and make more friends like her. But growing up I found my own strengths and identity rather than trying to imitate a trait she had, I became more confident in myself and my choices.
I accepted my asocialness as a part of my personality type and a personal preference to be a more private person and only connect to very few who know me at a personal level. I realised it was not a shortcoming as my communication skills and the ability to express myself wasn't the problem and on few occasions that I felt like getting involved, I was easily able to integrate. While at 30, I have become more comfortable in social situations than I was in my 20's, I still need sizeable amounts of 'me' time where I prefer to keep to myself.
Also talking less has its own perks in my opinion, it has made me more aware and perceptive as a person and enhanced my knowledge and understanding of things. I talk very less and just like Matt: said I too can go on for days without talking to anyone.
Finally I feel shyness or social awkwardness is becoming more common and less of a noticeable anomaly nowadays than it was say a decade or two ago, and it is getting more and more acceptable to stay glued to your smartphones and other gizmos rather than socialise.
okay ended up writing a longer comment than I thought I wouldPosted 12-11-2018 at 04:12 PM by nina@
Updated 12-11-2018 at 04:53 PM by nina@
