A random assortment of reports, thoughts, ramblings and information. Pretty much a view inside my wonderfully complicated, sometimes broken, and entertaining mind.
Bit of an update....
I realize I haven't written a blog in awhile, or even really been around getdare much lately. So I thought I would write a bit of an update about what is going on in my life lately, for the few of you who might want to know.
I was made a mod of getdare , which was a great honour. However, I feel like I have failed. Life got very overwhelming for me again shortly after my "promotion" to mod and I haven't had the time to dedicate that I thought I would. I am really hoping to fix this because the getdare community has been so wonderful to me and I do want to give back to all of you.
I find that my life seems to resemble a Rollercoaster. I have never been diagnosed with depression or anything like that but I definetly have big ups and even bigger downs. Some of that has to do with my anxiety and low self esteem etc. When I get overwhelmed everything seems to snowball and go downhill very quickly.
Things have seemed to stabilize a bit for me lately thankfully.
I wrote awhile ago about how lonely I had been feeling. Here I am, engaged to the love of my life, planning our wedding and I was so lonely that my heart ached. I have always been a social butterfly and to be living in a place with no friends after a year, well it was a struggle for me.
The first thing that helped was that I got a new job. Previously I had worked in a law firm. The lawyer was nasty and we weren't even allowed to talk at work. We had to email each other everything. I am such a bubbly and giggly person and I had to change who I was to work there. But I started at a Church in August as the administrator and I love it so much. The people are so loving and kind and accepting. It has made a world of difference. No matter how busy or stressful my day is, I leave work smiling and come back happily the next day. No more crying on my way home.
I also reached out on a local facebook group for support and I found that a bunch of ladies in my community felt very similar to me, so I created a facebook group with the only goal being creating friendships. Furthermore, to create friendships and socialize with those people IN PERSON! Having a support system behind a computer screen is wonderful. I have met so many people through getdare that I rely on for support, but what I really needed was a friend to go shopping with or to hug me when I had a bad day or who I can bring a coffee to if she had a fight with her husband.
The group is successful. We actually have over 100 members and there are multiple "events" each week. I also have really connected with one of the other members. We are in the same place in our lives right now. She just got married and I am about to get married. She is just starting to think about kids and Asslvr and I are starting to get things in order for us to start trying. And we just click. It feels so great to have a friend like that again.
She has been a life saver, along with Asslvr because I have had a few hurdles in the last few months.
The first I that I received some heartbreaking news from home. Something has happened that my prevent my mom from attending my wedding. I have been through a lot in my life: death of family members, abuse, sexual assault, betrayal, major injuries and disappointments but this is the hardest thing I have ever had to overcome so far. My mom is my hero and I cannot imagine not having her there. It is a complicated situation and we don't know what the outcome will be and unfortunately we have no control over the outcome, which is the hardest part. I just have to pray and hope that everything will work out and if it doesn't work out I have to hope that I am strong enough to get through it.
I also recently found out that I may have some medical complications while trying to get pregnant. I have wanted to be a mom since I was 10 years old. I have found out that I have a fairly large cyst on my left ovary. If it were to rupture it can twist my ovary and cause damage. If I get pregnant before it ruptures, I could experience an ectopic pregnancy or miscarry. We are going to continue to monitor the cyst and I may need surgery to remove it.
The other thing is that I am very close to being prediabetic. Normally this would just be a warning signs to start eating a little healthier, however since I want to try and conceive soon, I have to take the diet a lot more seriously and will probably be starting medication right away. This condition adds increased risks to the baby.
Because or the two above things, there is a good possibility I have poly cystic ovarian syndrome which may make it extra difficult for me to conceive. So right now it is just a waiting game.
Like I said, I feel like I have stabilized lately. Despite the two sources of anxiety that I have talked about, I have been doing ok I haven't thought about self harm in months, I have been relatively happy and I feel good.
I also have recently been back in touch with a long lost friend and was able to help reunite him with his princess which has given me so many bubbly and warm happy feelings.
Wedding planning is going well. Little bit of financial stress since my mom was supposed to help me and she no longer can, but otherwise it is going great. And if people want to know more about the wedding details, I'd be happy to post a wedding update blog as well.
Overall I am doing good. I am happier, more consistently happy and stabilized than I have been in .... well I think ever.
Sorry again for not being around as much, I do hope to be back soon, but I am living and loving life. And it feels good.
I was made a mod of getdare , which was a great honour. However, I feel like I have failed. Life got very overwhelming for me again shortly after my "promotion" to mod and I haven't had the time to dedicate that I thought I would. I am really hoping to fix this because the getdare community has been so wonderful to me and I do want to give back to all of you.
I find that my life seems to resemble a Rollercoaster. I have never been diagnosed with depression or anything like that but I definetly have big ups and even bigger downs. Some of that has to do with my anxiety and low self esteem etc. When I get overwhelmed everything seems to snowball and go downhill very quickly.
Things have seemed to stabilize a bit for me lately thankfully.
I wrote awhile ago about how lonely I had been feeling. Here I am, engaged to the love of my life, planning our wedding and I was so lonely that my heart ached. I have always been a social butterfly and to be living in a place with no friends after a year, well it was a struggle for me.
The first thing that helped was that I got a new job. Previously I had worked in a law firm. The lawyer was nasty and we weren't even allowed to talk at work. We had to email each other everything. I am such a bubbly and giggly person and I had to change who I was to work there. But I started at a Church in August as the administrator and I love it so much. The people are so loving and kind and accepting. It has made a world of difference. No matter how busy or stressful my day is, I leave work smiling and come back happily the next day. No more crying on my way home.
I also reached out on a local facebook group for support and I found that a bunch of ladies in my community felt very similar to me, so I created a facebook group with the only goal being creating friendships. Furthermore, to create friendships and socialize with those people IN PERSON! Having a support system behind a computer screen is wonderful. I have met so many people through getdare that I rely on for support, but what I really needed was a friend to go shopping with or to hug me when I had a bad day or who I can bring a coffee to if she had a fight with her husband.
The group is successful. We actually have over 100 members and there are multiple "events" each week. I also have really connected with one of the other members. We are in the same place in our lives right now. She just got married and I am about to get married. She is just starting to think about kids and Asslvr and I are starting to get things in order for us to start trying. And we just click. It feels so great to have a friend like that again.
She has been a life saver, along with Asslvr because I have had a few hurdles in the last few months.
The first I that I received some heartbreaking news from home. Something has happened that my prevent my mom from attending my wedding. I have been through a lot in my life: death of family members, abuse, sexual assault, betrayal, major injuries and disappointments but this is the hardest thing I have ever had to overcome so far. My mom is my hero and I cannot imagine not having her there. It is a complicated situation and we don't know what the outcome will be and unfortunately we have no control over the outcome, which is the hardest part. I just have to pray and hope that everything will work out and if it doesn't work out I have to hope that I am strong enough to get through it.
I also recently found out that I may have some medical complications while trying to get pregnant. I have wanted to be a mom since I was 10 years old. I have found out that I have a fairly large cyst on my left ovary. If it were to rupture it can twist my ovary and cause damage. If I get pregnant before it ruptures, I could experience an ectopic pregnancy or miscarry. We are going to continue to monitor the cyst and I may need surgery to remove it.
The other thing is that I am very close to being prediabetic. Normally this would just be a warning signs to start eating a little healthier, however since I want to try and conceive soon, I have to take the diet a lot more seriously and will probably be starting medication right away. This condition adds increased risks to the baby.
Because or the two above things, there is a good possibility I have poly cystic ovarian syndrome which may make it extra difficult for me to conceive. So right now it is just a waiting game.
Like I said, I feel like I have stabilized lately. Despite the two sources of anxiety that I have talked about, I have been doing ok I haven't thought about self harm in months, I have been relatively happy and I feel good.
I also have recently been back in touch with a long lost friend and was able to help reunite him with his princess which has given me so many bubbly and warm happy feelings.
Wedding planning is going well. Little bit of financial stress since my mom was supposed to help me and she no longer can, but otherwise it is going great. And if people want to know more about the wedding details, I'd be happy to post a wedding update blog as well.
Overall I am doing good. I am happier, more consistently happy and stabilized than I have been in .... well I think ever.
Sorry again for not being around as much, I do hope to be back soon, but I am living and loving life. And it feels good.
Total Comments 14
Comments
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I'm sorry to hear about your troubles, though I'm glad to hear things are looking up a little. I wish you strength and also, good luck with the wedding preparations.Posted 10-18-2016 at 02:41 PM by little pet 
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I too am sorry for the rough times you have been going through but am glad you have the support and stability you need! As a reminder ANYTHING I can do with what we talked about concerning your wedding please please please don't hesitate to ask. It would be an honor and privilege to help relieve some of that stress. Thanks again for all you have done for me and princess I can never repay you for itPosted 10-18-2016 at 03:02 PM by pt26
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Heeyy,...
Boy... What a rollercoaster.
Yes... I missed you a bit. But its ok.
Pffff.... Many difficult things.
Anyway.... Just wish you luck in getting married.
You have your troubles,.... But it seems you willl get happy.
Wish you all the goodPosted 10-18-2016 at 03:57 PM by sir stefan
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Thanks for the update! Hoping things continue to improve like other aspects of your life has.Posted 10-18-2016 at 05:31 PM by wolf82
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I'm very glad, and grateful, for all these wonderful things in your life. You deserve them, Butterfly. I sincerely hope you get everything that you want; there is always hope, and you know we will all stand by you and support you. You are lovely and it's good to see that things in your life are matching that more and more.Posted 10-18-2016 at 09:41 PM by naughtylittlegirl
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Just a little practical word. Most churches and wedding venues now are quite happy for you to live stream the event online. If the place doesn't have wi-fi, you can cheaply and easily pick up a dongle or route it through your cell-phone. While it isn't the same as having your mum physically present at your wedding, it allows her to be there in spirit and still watch the happy day.Posted 10-19-2016 at 02:18 AM by AbusiveMaster
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I have been so happy for you lately! I can see how much of a difference your friends are making and your job has been awesome. I'm so proud of you sweetie for working though the tough times. I will always be there for you.♡Posted 10-20-2016 at 10:12 AM by Mr. Devious
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Thank you very much. It seems the troubles are normal for me. I have always had extra "family drama" to contend with unfortunately but I am handling everything so much better lately. Having the other areas in my life settled and doing well really does make me so much stronger.Quote:Originally Posted by Sub.lucy
I'm sorry to hear about your troubles, though I'm glad to hear things are looking up a little. I wish you strength and also, good luck with the wedding preparations.Posted 10-20-2016 at 11:35 AM by Butterfly
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Thank you your highness. I am absolutely keeping that in the back of my mind and even just knowing the offer is on the table has helped so much. Like I have said many times before, there is no need to thank me or repay me for my help because I was just being who I am.Quote:Originally Posted by pt26
I too am sorry for the rough times you have been going through but am glad you have the support and stability you need! As a reminder ANYTHING I can do with what we talked about concerning your wedding please please please don't hesitate to ask. It would be an honor and privilege to help relieve some of that stress. Thanks again for all you have done for me and princess I can never repay you for it
Posted 10-20-2016 at 11:36 AM by Butterfly
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Thank you. It has been a pretty bumpy ride but things are so much more stabilized these days. I know I will have a happy life with Asslvr. Thank you for your well wishes.Quote:Originally Posted by sir stefan
Heeyy,...
Boy... What a rollercoaster.
Yes... I missed you a bit. But its ok.
Pffff.... Many difficult things.
Anyway.... Just wish you luck in getting married.
You have your troubles,.... But it seems you willl get happy.
Wish you all the goodPosted 10-20-2016 at 11:37 AM by Butterfly
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Thank you. It means a lot.Quote:Originally Posted by wolf82
Thanks for the update! Hoping things continue to improve like other aspects of your life has.
Posted 10-20-2016 at 11:38 AM by Butterfly
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Thank you so much Belle. It is wonderful to see and hear the support I have from everybody here, even if I haven't been very active or present around here lately. It gives me warm and fuzzy feelings to know how loved I am.Quote:Originally Posted by naughtylittlegirl
I'm very glad, and grateful, for all these wonderful things in your life. You deserve them, Butterfly. I sincerely hope you get everything that you want; there is always hope, and you know we will all stand by you and support you. You are lovely and it's good to see that things in your life are matching that more and more.
Posted 10-20-2016 at 11:39 AM by Butterfly
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Thank you for that advice, it is something I have considered as a possibility. We have already hired a videographer to record the wedding as I was planning to travel to Ontario the month after the wedding to share it with any family who is unable to come here for the wedding. Unfortunately I am not sure if the circumstances would allow my mom to be able to watch it live anyways, but it is something I have been considering if it works out that way. I just really can't even bring myself to think of her not being here as a possibility right now. She was supposed to help me with my dress and have a dance with me and say a speech and take photos with me and just be there! It wasn't supposed to happen like this.Quote:Originally Posted by AbusiveMaster
Just a little practical word. Most churches and wedding venues now are quite happy for you to live stream the event online. If the place doesn't have wi-fi, you can cheaply and easily pick up a dongle or route it through your cell-phone. While it isn't the same as having your mum physically present at your wedding, it allows her to be there in spirit and still watch the happy day.
Posted 10-20-2016 at 11:43 AM by Butterfly
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Thank you darling. You too are a huge reason I am happy lately. You have been so supportive throughout everything and there is no way I could do this without you. Up until I met you, I didn't even know it was possible to have friends AND be in a relationship because it was something I had never experienced. You have made me realize that I can have a life and still be in love and get married to the most wonderful man in the world. So thank you ♡Quote:Originally Posted by asslvr
I have been so happy for you lately! I can see how much of a difference your friends are making and your job has been awesome. I'm so proud of you sweetie for working though the tough times. I will always be there for you.♡
Posted 10-20-2016 at 11:45 AM by Butterfly
