Unwrapping the Present
Posted 07-14-2017 at 05:22 PM by Komodo Jones
I've commented on this before under a different title and we've heard this numerous times through movies and other forms of media but I just want to state it.
In a lot of the ads I see in the D/s area, yes I'm going to call it D/s instead of M/s, a lot of the ads that are actually worth replying to seem to have limitations that don't allow me to reply. One is age, and I kind of get that one, even though I'm not picky even though I prefer younger. But the one that seems to hinder me the most is that the sub that these people want has to be in shape or slim.
Now don't get me wrong, I know where you're coming from I get it I really do. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and unfortunately for some people this beauty goes only skin deep. I ask Dominants in the D/s lifestyle this and take it rhetorical or not. Would you rather have an attractive sub who does not know what their doing, is unable to be trained and is flighty and not putting a lot of effort in to being a sub. Or would you rather have a not, your version of attractive, sub who may not know what they're doing but are able to be trained and are trying their best, even though it may not always reach standards, to be a good sub and are committed to bettering themselves?
And submissives, you need to go along the same lines. If you find someone you like and you get along with them hold on to them tight. Not too the point of clingy or obsessive but still they're hard to come by. And if they trust you enough to send you a picture don't run away if they're not your model pretty boy or bombshell dream image.
If you want a good D/s relationship, looks should be one of the last things that you care about. You judge people on who they are and what they're going to bring into sessions or tasks or rules. I've gone into relationships before and didn't even know what my subs or Dommes looked like until much later on, and I never left them no matter how they looked. And trust me I have been with some people that by mainstream society's standards, are not attractive BUT I can also say that I have very rarely been with a sub or a Domme that I would not call beautiful, even if I had never seen a picture of them, because of who they were as a person and as my other half made them beautiful.
For those focused on looks alone, try and not be so prejudiced about it. Unwrap a person and find out who they really are, not just what they look like and you may be very surprised who you find as you may find your perfect match. There are a lot of duds out there but there are also so many good people out there who may not be in your perfect body but are going to give you so much more than you could ever hope for.
In a lot of the ads I see in the D/s area, yes I'm going to call it D/s instead of M/s, a lot of the ads that are actually worth replying to seem to have limitations that don't allow me to reply. One is age, and I kind of get that one, even though I'm not picky even though I prefer younger. But the one that seems to hinder me the most is that the sub that these people want has to be in shape or slim.
Now don't get me wrong, I know where you're coming from I get it I really do. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and unfortunately for some people this beauty goes only skin deep. I ask Dominants in the D/s lifestyle this and take it rhetorical or not. Would you rather have an attractive sub who does not know what their doing, is unable to be trained and is flighty and not putting a lot of effort in to being a sub. Or would you rather have a not, your version of attractive, sub who may not know what they're doing but are able to be trained and are trying their best, even though it may not always reach standards, to be a good sub and are committed to bettering themselves?
And submissives, you need to go along the same lines. If you find someone you like and you get along with them hold on to them tight. Not too the point of clingy or obsessive but still they're hard to come by. And if they trust you enough to send you a picture don't run away if they're not your model pretty boy or bombshell dream image.
If you want a good D/s relationship, looks should be one of the last things that you care about. You judge people on who they are and what they're going to bring into sessions or tasks or rules. I've gone into relationships before and didn't even know what my subs or Dommes looked like until much later on, and I never left them no matter how they looked. And trust me I have been with some people that by mainstream society's standards, are not attractive BUT I can also say that I have very rarely been with a sub or a Domme that I would not call beautiful, even if I had never seen a picture of them, because of who they were as a person and as my other half made them beautiful.
For those focused on looks alone, try and not be so prejudiced about it. Unwrap a person and find out who they really are, not just what they look like and you may be very surprised who you find as you may find your perfect match. There are a lot of duds out there but there are also so many good people out there who may not be in your perfect body but are going to give you so much more than you could ever hope for.
Total Comments 3
Comments
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I completely agree with everything you have said.
I understand that looks are important at times. You want to be attracted to the person you are dating, or sleeping with. If you are repulsed by them, then it might kill that. I think it is more important in a real life relationship, but it can also be true with online play.
However, I honestly prefer to not see a picture of somebody until I have come to know who they are as a person. I can fall for somebody (as a friend, play partner or even in the case of my husband) without every seeing a photo of them. Are they a good person? Are they kind? supportive? funny? witty? smart? All of those things paint a picture for me of who they are, before I even see a photo of them.
If I do see a photo of them right away, and they aren't what society would typically call "beautiful", those above qualities make them beautiful to me.
And even if I am not sexually attracted to just their looks, when it comes to D/s it is about so much more than what they look like. I am attracted to a Dom who is in control, who can turn me into a puddle of subbyness. I am attracted to a sub who is loyal, and devoted, and who will do things I tell them to do even if they are uncomfortable or painful. Those things turn me on!
I find though, since I have been rejected based on looks so often, that as a defence mechanism, I share a photo very quickly when meeting new people online. I also have the advantage of some people in my real life knowing about my kinks, as well as my husband who is aware of getDare, so I don't care as much if I share vanilla photos. But I do it so quickly so that people know they aren't getting a tiny little super model. Instead, I am overweight, and not very pretty. So that when I do charm them with my cute and sweet personality, they aren't expecting something completely different and then leave.
As for things outside of looks, I can understand some of them. Age and gender for me are big things when I am looking for a Dom. I want a male Dom and I want somebody who is older than me, or around the same age. It is an authority thing, and a maturity thing. However, when I am looking for a sub, any age, gender, race, etc. are considered.Posted 07-14-2017 at 07:11 PM by Butterfly 
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I agree a lot with this. Sure, I'd love for my mistress to be physically beautiful but, especially in D/s, personality is way more important!
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder indeed and people who at first might not seem beautiful would become really beautiful when you get to know then, even physically.
I too get put off when I see ads asking, even demanding, for pics and six packs right off the bat.Posted 07-14-2017 at 11:22 PM by Jaro
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For me as a Dom, my sub's physical appearance was never a deal breaker nor the most important thing required for a succesfull D/s relationship. It would be so superficial of me to accept subs just judging them by their looks. I had subs before that were nicely built and pretty, but that was it. I know there are some Doms/Dommes that want their subs to look like a model from a fashion magazine cover page, but that's never what appealed to me. I'd rather have a sub who's intelligent,funny, obedient, with a great imagination and writing skills than someone who just looks good. If there's a sub with all those traits together mixed with good looks-that's a jack pot.
What about people that are physically scarred or disfigured by any reason? What about people with receeding hairline or who have no hair at all? Should they all be shunned and looked down upon?
We all come in all diferent colors, shapes and sizes and sooner people accept that, better for them. Love and care for your subs no matter how big or small or how pretty they are. Love them and care for them for the persons they are, not by their looks and other superficial things. Our time is short, so better use it wisely.Posted 07-15-2017 at 01:28 AM by Grand.Master691
