I am inferior.....
.....When I choose to be.
I very much enjoy consensual non consent play and male superiority play. When Sir calls me a brainless cunt, or a worthless whore or tells me I am below him and am only a set of holes and tits I become extremely turned on. When Sir is rough and takes me without asking or has no regard for my comfort or wellbeing I am instantly wet. When Sir tells me all of the reasons I am below him, why I am worth nothing, why I only exist to please him, I am immediately close to orgasm. When I use porn to help me orgasm, the majority of my searches include videos and images that are degrading to women, abusive, brutal, rough and focus on men being superior. Does this mean I am genuinely inferior because I am female and enjoy these things? No. Does this mean that I deserve to be beaten, raped, abused by any male because I enjoy these kinks in my personal relationships? No. I have given ONLY Sir my submission and consent. No one else. Do I deserve these things because I am female? No.
My relationship with Sir is based on mutual trust, respect and love. I give him my consent to do all of the above things to me. Just as I gift him my submission. Because I give him my consent, that makes it roleplay between two consenting adults. If he didn't have my consent that would make him a rapist and an abuser. It wouldn't make it okay because he is a man and I am a woman. I do not deserve to be hurt. I do not deserve to be looked down on and nor does any other female.
Did I deserve to be sexually abused at the age of 9 because I was born a female? No I fucking did not. Did my mother deserve to be raped by the same man who did those things to me because she was born a female? No she did not. Did either of us deserve the pain and after effects of everything that had happened simply because we were both born females? No!
I am a huge advocate for people doing kink in whatever way works for them, as long as it is all consensual and doesn't hurt anyone else. Gender inferiority play and consensual non consent play are two of my biggest kinks. They're not for everyone and that's okay. But I would NEVER say that all females deserve to have this happen to them for real. That is rude, hurtful, ignorant and quite frankly makes you look like a fucking idiot who just wants to troll and piss people off, since the reaction would be quite apparent before it even happened.
There is a major difference between consensual non consent and gender inferiority play and REAL rape and abuse. And that is not something to be taken lightly or even mixed together. To do so only enforces the belief of those trapped in abusive relationships that they deserve it and that they don't deserve a way out. It encourages the blame the victim mentality on to rape and abuse suvivors. This is not okay. What happened to them wasn't their fault. It never has been and never will be. Those stuck in abusive relationships need to be able to reach out and realize there is help out there for them, instead of reading more damaging words that they deserve everything they are dealing with. People who have survived these things, people who are going through these things right now, need to know that they are not the ones at fault. Ever! Comments like those above are largely responsible for the negative imagery associated with CNC and abuse fantasies. It is important to realise however that these fantasies are, or should be, carried out with care and respect for the individuals involved. The inability to differentiate between fact and fantasy not only gives fantasy a bad name, but leads to real victims of heinous assaults being afraid to speak out about their ordeals.
These kinks are already considered by many to be edgeplay, both have the potential to be very damaging if not done properly and with care and respect and lumping them in with real rape and non consensual abuse and degradation will only make people either turn away from these kinks and the people who enjoy them even more than they already do, or have people too afraid to speak out and be open that it is something they enjoy or wish to explore.
Assuming you are actually being in any way honest about your own lifestyle, which I personally doubt, projecting your fantasy as some sort of reality results in you invalidating, intentionally or not, the very real suffering of the thousands of survivors and victims.
I very much enjoy consensual non consent play and male superiority play. When Sir calls me a brainless cunt, or a worthless whore or tells me I am below him and am only a set of holes and tits I become extremely turned on. When Sir is rough and takes me without asking or has no regard for my comfort or wellbeing I am instantly wet. When Sir tells me all of the reasons I am below him, why I am worth nothing, why I only exist to please him, I am immediately close to orgasm. When I use porn to help me orgasm, the majority of my searches include videos and images that are degrading to women, abusive, brutal, rough and focus on men being superior. Does this mean I am genuinely inferior because I am female and enjoy these things? No. Does this mean that I deserve to be beaten, raped, abused by any male because I enjoy these kinks in my personal relationships? No. I have given ONLY Sir my submission and consent. No one else. Do I deserve these things because I am female? No.
My relationship with Sir is based on mutual trust, respect and love. I give him my consent to do all of the above things to me. Just as I gift him my submission. Because I give him my consent, that makes it roleplay between two consenting adults. If he didn't have my consent that would make him a rapist and an abuser. It wouldn't make it okay because he is a man and I am a woman. I do not deserve to be hurt. I do not deserve to be looked down on and nor does any other female.
Did I deserve to be sexually abused at the age of 9 because I was born a female? No I fucking did not. Did my mother deserve to be raped by the same man who did those things to me because she was born a female? No she did not. Did either of us deserve the pain and after effects of everything that had happened simply because we were both born females? No!
I am a huge advocate for people doing kink in whatever way works for them, as long as it is all consensual and doesn't hurt anyone else. Gender inferiority play and consensual non consent play are two of my biggest kinks. They're not for everyone and that's okay. But I would NEVER say that all females deserve to have this happen to them for real. That is rude, hurtful, ignorant and quite frankly makes you look like a fucking idiot who just wants to troll and piss people off, since the reaction would be quite apparent before it even happened.
There is a major difference between consensual non consent and gender inferiority play and REAL rape and abuse. And that is not something to be taken lightly or even mixed together. To do so only enforces the belief of those trapped in abusive relationships that they deserve it and that they don't deserve a way out. It encourages the blame the victim mentality on to rape and abuse suvivors. This is not okay. What happened to them wasn't their fault. It never has been and never will be. Those stuck in abusive relationships need to be able to reach out and realize there is help out there for them, instead of reading more damaging words that they deserve everything they are dealing with. People who have survived these things, people who are going through these things right now, need to know that they are not the ones at fault. Ever! Comments like those above are largely responsible for the negative imagery associated with CNC and abuse fantasies. It is important to realise however that these fantasies are, or should be, carried out with care and respect for the individuals involved. The inability to differentiate between fact and fantasy not only gives fantasy a bad name, but leads to real victims of heinous assaults being afraid to speak out about their ordeals.
These kinks are already considered by many to be edgeplay, both have the potential to be very damaging if not done properly and with care and respect and lumping them in with real rape and non consensual abuse and degradation will only make people either turn away from these kinks and the people who enjoy them even more than they already do, or have people too afraid to speak out and be open that it is something they enjoy or wish to explore.
Assuming you are actually being in any way honest about your own lifestyle, which I personally doubt, projecting your fantasy as some sort of reality results in you invalidating, intentionally or not, the very real suffering of the thousands of survivors and victims.
Total Comments 8
Comments
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THIS!!!!!
Thank you so so much for writing this. I could not have put it any better than what you have written above. This is what it is all about.
I am a huge advocate for people doing their kink their way, until it becomes damaging to other people. Making comments about woman deserving to be abused and raped is not. ok. ever.Posted 01-05-2019 at 09:43 PM by Butterfly 
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Exactly! I love non-consensual role-play, but I will never rape someone. Non-consensual rople-play is a very powerful and intense way of exploring the bounds of trust, and physical and emotional pleasure, for both parties (and for the sub, it has the added bonus of freeing them from decision-making, guilt, and responsibility) - however, it is fantasy. Non-consensual role-play does not make me a rapist, no more than playing Assassin's Creed makes me a killer.Quote:There is a major difference between consensual non consent and gender inferiority play and REAL rape and abuse.
Rape is a violent, abhorrent crime against a human being, that leaves behind indelible scars (and so can intense non-consensual role-play, if the right after-care is not provided).
When I engage in non-consensual role-play, it is between me and my sub. It is my sub that I see as inferior - not half of the human race.
You are absolutely right in saying that the inability to separate fantasy and reality gives the fantasy a bad name. Most people outside the kink will not understand non-consensual roleplay and confuse it with rape (which is why I go to great lengths to protect my identity on this forum, as my stories here will cost me my career).
Not even people in to kink sometimes understand non-consent. The problem is made worse by the kind of blog that you are responding to, with your post. That user (judging by the post, I'd say it's a male teen incel pretending to be a woman) is trying to rationalize criminal behavior using the same kind of arguments that were used to rationalize slavery, the holocaust, and other forms of genocide. That's someone who needs help - fast.Posted 01-05-2019 at 11:20 PM by Runesmith
Updated 01-05-2019 at 11:21 PM by Runesmith (Oxford comma rule) -
YES YES YES!!!!!!!!!!!
Thank you for writing this!!!Posted 01-06-2019 at 06:22 AM by lilith_
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To be totally honest, personally I don't think I'll ever be able to get my head around how someone who has been through sexual abuse, can then get aroused by rape/abuse role play. The slightest hint, role play or not, for me is enough to make me start to panic or shutdown. (regardless of the level of trust I have with the person, or maybe it's just impossible for me to trust that much?)
But we are all different (thankfully!), and I am glad this works for you.
Thank you for posting a carefully thought out blog on these issues, making clear the differences between role play and reality. As opposed to certain other blog posts.....Posted 01-06-2019 at 08:58 AM by Sam~
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I agree with you. It is something that I will never be able to understand. But the brain is a funny thing and everybody is different. I can respect others and their kinks as long as they aren't forced on me like the other blog you are referring to.Quote:Originally Posted by Sam~
To be totally honest, personally I don't think I'll ever be able to get my head around how someone who has been through sexual abuse, can then get aroused by rape/abuse role play. The slightest hint, role play or not, for me is enough to make me start to panic or shutdown. (regardless of the level of trust I have with the person, or maybe it's just impossible for me to trust that much?)
But we are all different (thankfully!), and I am glad this works for you.
Thank you for posting a carefully thought out blog on these issues, making clear the differences between role play and reality. As opposed to certain other blog posts.....Posted 01-06-2019 at 09:59 AM by Butterfly
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Quote:Originally Posted by Butterfly
THIS!!!!!
Thank you so so much for writing this. I could not have put it any better than what you have written above. This is what it is all about.
I am a huge advocate for people doing their kink their way, until it becomes damaging to other people. Making comments about woman deserving to be abused and raped is not. ok. ever.Exactly!! I don't personally believe that the blog in question is real but even so this type of fantasy needs a disclaimer on that it IS fantasy.Quote:Originally Posted by lilith_
YES YES YES!!!!!!!!!!!
Thank you for writing this!!!
At first I wasn't even going to respond, because I think it was a post done solely to piss people off and get a reaction. But if I had read that 15-20 years ago when I still believed everything that was done to me was my own fault, it would have fed into that belief and I don't want that to happen to anyone else still struggling with these things. And like you said, some people in the kink world can't accept this type of play for what it is - play. Stupid posts like that don't help their understanding.Quote:Originally Posted by Runesmith
Exactly! I love non-consensual role-play, but I will never rape someone. Non-consensual rople-play is a very powerful and intense way of exploring the bounds of trust, and physical and emotional pleasure, for both parties (and for the sub, it has the added bonus of freeing them from decision-making, guilt, and responsibility) - however, it is fantasy. Non-consensual role-play does not make me a rapist, no more than playing Assassin's Creed makes me a killer.
This. Just because someone enjoys power exchange to this extent doesn't mean everyone who does is suddenly going to decide hey you know what, I can do that with anyone I want to!
Rape is a violent, abhorrent crime against a human being, that leaves behind indelible scars (and so can intense non-consensual role-play, if the right after-care is not provided).
When I engage in non-consensual role-play, it is between me and my sub. It is my sub that I see as inferior - not half of the human race.
This is usually the only type of play that I require aftercare with, precisely because of how extreme and powerful it is. And after the scene is over, I am no longer inferior but an equal. As it should be!
You are absolutely right in saying that the inability to separate fantasy and reality gives the fantasy a bad name. Most people outside the kink will not understand non-consensual roleplay and confuse it with rape (which is why I go to great lengths to protect my identity on this forum, as my stories here will cost me my career).
Not even people in to kink sometimes understand non-consent. The problem is made worse by the kind of blog that you are responding to, with your post. That user (judging by the post, I'd say it's a male teen incel pretending to be a woman) is trying to rationalize criminal behavior using the same kind of arguments that were used to rationalize slavery, the holocaust, and other forms of genocide. That's someone who needs help - fast.
Quote:Originally Posted by Sam~
To be totally honest, personally I don't think I'll ever be able to get my head around how someone who has been through sexual abuse, can then get aroused by rape/abuse role play. The slightest hint, role play or not, for me is enough to make me start to panic or shutdown. (regardless of the level of trust I have with the person, or maybe it's just impossible for me to trust that much?)
But we are all different (thankfully!), and I am glad this works for you.
Thank you for posting a carefully thought out blog on these issues, making clear the differences between role play and reality. As opposed to certain other blog posts.....
For a long time I couldn't even hear specific words such as rape or handle certain names being directed because it triggered flashbacks almost every time. There was a time when I thought this type of play would be something I would never indulge in and actively avoided it. Even seeing someone else play via text was enough for me to leave a chatroom at one point. Whilst AM and I have a mostly CNC relationship, we have yet to play out a full scene of this nature in person but I have asked him if we can do so the next time we meet and he has agreed. When we do it will be one of the very few times we use a safeword. We have never used one except for the first 1-2 months of getting together and once a few months ago when we pushed my claustophobia limits. But I know the potential risks and we both know there is a good chance of it going wrong because of my history, despite everything else we have done which is why we decided together this time we would employ a safeword for this scene.Quote:Originally Posted by Butterfly
I agree with you. It is something that I will never be able to understand. But the brain is a funny thing and everybody is different. I can respect others and their kinks as long as they aren't forced on me like the other blog you are referring to.
I'm not sure when or why I became interested in exploring this or when my aversion started changing other than that it was 2 years or so ago when I began to become slightly interested. Is that because it is with AM? I don't know. I think so. I trust him with my life and I can say right now I don't think I will EVER do this play with another person. While we have only explored it a little so far, what we have explored together has gone well and I think, for me at least, it is partly a way of reclaiming what happened to me so long ago. I didn't consent to that, but I do consent to this. I will be in control at all times via the safeword (and hopefully I wont need that every time with him) and I will be making new memories with someone I love and trust and not only will that be enjoyable for both of us (hopefully) it will also help to replace the bad ones.
I'm not sure if that explanation helped a little or even at all....it is still confusing for me too at times!Posted 01-06-2019 at 01:42 PM by IceMaiden
Updated 01-06-2019 at 01:50 PM by IceMaiden -
I have seen a few people who have been victims of sexual assault, in one degree or another, who fantasise about rape-play and CNC situations. At first look it does seem at best difficult. I can quite understand how this is potentially a trigger and could be exceptionally damaging. However as I have seen it in so many of my friends through the years, and as I do have an analytical mind, I theorised the same as Icy said above.Quote:Originally Posted by IceMaiden
While we have only explored it a little so far, what we have explored together has gone well and I think, for me at least, it is partly a way of reclaiming what happened to me so long ago. I didn't consent to that, but I do consent to this.
Perhaps it is a way of empowering yourself again, because anyone who knows anything about D/s knows that the submissive only feels powerless. Control is given, not taken. Perhaps it is a way of coming to terms with something dreadful. I have long believed that BDSM is an excellent form of therapy for many issues, but thats another post for another day.
I don't know the definitive answer, only my own theories. I do know it doesnt work for everyone, but as has been stated so many times in the comments above, if it works for you, and it isnt harming anyone - enjoy.
Posted 01-06-2019 at 03:04 PM by AbusiveMaster
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I believe you have hit the nail right on the head. I have also seen this tendency of subs who have survived sexual assault actually leaning towards CNC. You hypothesis makes a lot of sense in explaining that tendency.Quote:Originally Posted by AbusiveMaster
Perhaps it is a way of empowering yourself again, because anyone who knows anything about D/s knows that the submissive only feels powerless. Control is given, not taken.
I have intentionally stayed away from CNC with survivors of sexual assault, mainly because I am not sure if I could handle things properly, and not cause further damage.
As IceMaiden mentioned, maybe the magic is in the trust. Someone who has fallen from a ladder might be afraid of trying it again, but if someone they really trust is holding the ladder, it could help them overcome the fear and climb it again.
I wish both of you the best. The trust you have between you is a wonderful thing.Posted 01-07-2019 at 11:49 AM by Runesmith
