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I can’t deny the difference

Posted 07-15-2019 at 04:44 PM by PrincessJessica
Tags denial, orgasm

I can’t deny the difference

I’m (finally!) coming to the end of my latest denial. 2 months of horny thoughts floating around in my mind and I can finally get that sweet release. Without any great surprise I’m still as clumsy an edger as last time (getting past a 1 month with lots of edging is tricky). What was a surprise for me is how much different doing this for a PM dare was to giving up my orgasms for my dominant.

Despite going a year without a full orgasm I’m still learning about tease & denial, how it affects me and how to get better at it. When it became a surprising love of mine (just how much fun can be had by not doing something after all) I was giving it up for my domme. She owned my orgasms, owned my pleasure and was free to tease & giggle about that as much as she liked. I loved that.

It made me feel submissive and each edge, each accidental ruin and every advance in horniness levels reminded me of my place. My orgasms were owned. I was owned. I felt more submissive, was more willing to do more things and so felt more horny as I expanded to new kinks which only increased my feelings. It was a delicious physiological loop that felt me feeling trapped.

However this denial has been different. I’ve had that advancement in my horniness levels and have braved new kinks as before. I’ve conquered my “fear” of extreme cornertime as well as tipping my toes into pee & scat play (to mixed results) as well as having sessions where I’ve felt super submissive. However that feelings of submissiveness isn’t there much. My orgasms aren’t owned, they’ve been taken. It’s a subtle difference but has affected how much I’ve enjoyed my denial.

I’ve struggled getting motivated to complete the required number of edges (368) in 2 months, which might speak more to my general state of mind but also how a lack of interactiveness does make denial both trickier (in terms of motivation anyway although I’m super easy to tease when denied) and less interesting for me. I found myself ruining not because of inexperience but my repeating old mistakes. At some level did I self-sabotage as I just wasn’t into it as much? I’m not sure; the chances are I'm a clumsy edger with an annoyingly sensitive dicklet who edges too much when not really concentrating (I’ve noticed most of my ruins are when either just waking up or just about to go to bed).

That being said though I still enjoyed the denial. I just didn’t madly love it as there was less physiological aspects to it. I loved how it made me feel horny, allowed me to explore more kinks and also made me feel right somehow. I like being denied. I like my orgasm being controlled (in-fact I think I like either denial or special controlled orgasms but than just cumming freely now). I find denial somehow humiliating. Giving up my orgasms just to please someone, putting yourself through some torture just to please someone else. It’s just without a constant reminded from a domme I was in regular contact with I wasn’t reminded of that. Like any keen analyst though I’m keen to explore more and my next adventure in denial will likely involve my new chastity cage. Perhaps a adding thread or a dare thread of some kind after the summer break. For now, I’m going to enjoy the freedom of the summer (once I get these pesky 14 edges out of the way)
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Comments

  1. Old Comment
    LitDarkness's Avatar
    It is very diffrent when reminded vs not. I can forget when I'm denied half the time at best. I don't tease very often.

    And I do know when not being teased it makes it easier as journey reminded and it is just "oh, right, I can't cum."

    And giving it up for someone is much more powerful then being given a pm dare and left to get to it.

    Enjoy the summer freedom when you are done with the evil edges. Who ever gave you those?
    Posted 07-15-2019 at 08:13 PM by LitDarkness LitDarkness is offline
  2. Old Comment
    Consensus's Avatar
    i know exactly what you mean.

    Not sure i can put it into words any more or even any differently than you did, but it has been something i have been mulling over for a while. Maybe it's because being owned, having your orgasms with-held as a passive verb, means that someone else cares. And that is powerful.

    Looking forward to your analysis of the cage!

    Connie
    Posted 07-16-2019 at 12:57 PM by Consensus Consensus is offline
 

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