My views on submission over time Three?

I have a feeling this might be done several times, but I think it's an excellent blog topic!

I'm going to first explain (or try to explain) my views of submission from when I was a young kid. Obviously, I didn't know what 'submission' was... I just knew I liked to follow the orders of people. I gave control to a male in second grade, and told him he was allowed to 'ground me' if I didn't obey him. I remember when he pretended to arrest me, and I gladly put my hands behind my back, walked over to the pavilion, and sat there for the rest of recess because I was 'bad'.

Then I had a girl move across the street with me, and she and I became great friends! We were 5th graders, maybe 10? And I gave her control over things, like the rule not to crack my knuckles... and I remember one time, she got a medium thick branch, and spanked me for it, heh. I enjoyed it so much.

I didn't think anything sexual of this. It was just submission, and trying to better myself by having others give me rules. In fact, everything seemed innocent to me, and in reality, it was. Just kids playing around.

So from an early age, I just viewed submission as something natural... and something that was just a part of me... even though I didn't know the meaning of the word.

Anyone who knew me in high school, would know me as a straight-laced Christian girl. I was completely innocent, I never did drugs/ alcohol, hung out at parties with them, broke school rules, or anything that could be considered 'bad'. Even swearing was something that I almost never did. Everyone knew I was a Christian, and during this time, I had a few years where any thoughts of submission didn't enter my mind. I planned to be single and happy all by myself forever, no boyfriend, husband, or kids!

During this time, I had no real views on submission. I always enjoyed handcuffs, and as soon as I was 18, I went to my local adult shop and bought a pair so I could wear them to bed occasionally... but that has nothing to do with submission.

And then I fell in love. My ex and I quickly became friends, and I showed a definite interest. This went against all my plans of staying single, but I fell in love. Just seeing him, or thinking about seeing him, made me light up.

I started hanging over at his house, and at first, it was basically like we were just friends, as we played video games, and talked about stuff we enjoyed. Over time, there were definite sexual feelings.

And as soon as the sexual feelings hit, I quickly 'remembered' my desire for being controlled. We explored my love of handcuffs, and soon we discussed my fantasies of me submitting to him, which slowly over time became real submission.

It was perfect, and I felt that I needed to submit to someone in real life. I didn't feel it was just a want (back to the whole wants vs. needs), but a need in a relationship. And I must say, I was soo happy, thrilled, and fulfilled, physically, and sexually (oral only... still 'technically' got my v-card), and in terms of D/s. I loved submitting to my ex, and he loved domming me.

There were certainly still some fantasy aspects to it. For example, one fantasy, was there was a place for bad slaves that displeased their masters, where the masters would take us. And while there, we were on our knees 24/7, being reminded that we displeased our masters and deserved to suffer.

Sorry to sidetrack there, but to recap, I viewed submission as something, not necessarily natural anymore, but something I took great pleasure in doing, and would have been devastated to live without.

And then my ex moved to another state. The plans were fore me to move there too, but not until I was done with school. I was still submitting to him over the internet and Skype... but it was certainly different, when you take away the actual aspect of a physical being other than yourself.

I wanted more.

This is when I started getting more active into getDare (though the reason for this was actually a paper I had to write for class). I read the forums a lot, to find people to interview, solely for informational purposes. But the posts of my former Master (from gD), drew me in. I was just so impressed by them, and so I asked for a dare.

It was simply a cleaning dare, and one that I followed as best as I could. It was an amazing experience.

While interviewing others, I decided to do a few other dares/tasks for people, which turned into a huge amount of playing around on here.

It is around here, when my view of submission changed a bit. Initially, I only ever imagined submitting to my ex, and if not him, a future romantic partner. I never considered submitting to someone without a relationship (my time as a young kid doesn't count... as I was much too young to comprehend something like that, haha).

But I loved doing tasks for someone, and I eventually asked if I could be his sub. He knew I was engaged at the time (to my ex), and there was nothing romantic about our relationship. I just enjoyed submitting, following rules, doing tasks, and pleasing him with my blogs. I did more and more things, and started to go on cam for him, which then expanded (with the permission of my former Master), to go on cam for others.

As a note, I would like to say, that I never went on cam for anyone from gD sexually, until my ex and I were over, not that I'd feel anyone would judge me for it here. I don't care to elaborate too much on the story of how we ended things, etc.

So, while I no longer viewed submission as something that had to be part of a romantic relationship, I still of course wanted it.

I know several read my former post, and the things I miss about d/s and tasks.

But my actual view on submission, has completely changed with my new relationship.

I used to think of it as something I needed to be happy. I HAD to serve someone, to be fulfilled. However, I don't consider it a need anymore. Not for myself.

But I'm grateful for all the previous experiences I had. Every single person on gD that I ever gave any control to, made me feel wonderful. The people I submitted to, helped my self-esteem tremendously (including my ex).

I've always been fairly confident, but the thought of doing anything for others on cam, was a horrifying thought. And 'performing' for others, and just general submission, made me feel good, and it was an incredible 'freeing' experience.

So to wrap of my views of current, its something I am thankful for having had the experience of it, but for the most part, is something in the past.

Not that I'm rejecting the possibility of anything in the future, but it is something I don't need, and I am actually happier now in my vanilla relationship, than I ever was in any d/s relationship or experience previously.

Obviously, my story is a bit different than mandi's and happyme, as I no longer submit to anyone. But I felt like sharing, and I hope to read more posts from the other subs on here on their views of submission over time!