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Losing somebody ... the scariest part

Posted 03-29-2019 at 10:45 PM by Butterfly

Just something that has been on my mind over the last few days ...

The scariest part about relationships, about loving somebody, caring about somebody, letting them into your world, opening yourself up and being vulnerable is that there is always a chance that one day you are going to wake up and they won't be there.

This is especially true in the online world. It is so easy for people to just ghost you. Maybe they don't want to hurt your feelings, or they got in over their head and don't know how to admit it. Maybe they found somebody who was a better match, or possibly they were just using you to "get off" for awhile and are done. No matter the reason, it doesn't make the situation any easier.

However, the scariest part for me is not knowing. When I was with Mr. Devious, I was most terrified of him getting hurt or injured, or something bad happening and never knowing because nobody knew about me.

It is a real risk for all of us in the online world. Most of us don't share with our families stories about our online adventures, our special play partner, or kinky best friends. So what happens if they get into a car accident and end up in the hospital? What happens if something worse happens?

I remember one time a few years ago, I was talking with a new friend. We met on omegle and spent hours each day chatting to each other. He is the one who convinced me to start writing erotic stories. I grew attached to him, but I was always worried that he would one day disappear. After a month of talking, I remember being terrified before going on a vacation. I didn't want him to forget me and move on. He reassured me over and over. I actually put together daily emails with little surprises and reminders of me. And then it happened.

I arrived back home and he didn't respond. He wasn't even opening my messages. He just poofed. I remember checking obituaries and news reports in his area for weeks and months after. I didn't know what happened. I knew he wouldn't just leave me for no reason. Did I do something? Did something bad happen? I was sick to my stomach forever.

After being with Mr. Devious for a couple months, I made sure that he gave me his phone number so that I could get in contact if needed. Once I met him in person, I asked him to let his parents know about me and give them my phone number. I needed to have these safeguards in place if something happened.

He felt that I was over reacting at the time, but then one day, I was very emotional. I was dealing with some very tough home situations and got very upset. I was messaging him and letting him know how I was doing, and I fell asleep. A really deep, emotionally exhausted sleep. When I woke up a few hours later, I had many missed calls, text messages and voicemails from Mr. Devious. He was so scared that something happened and he had no way of checking on me. I think he finally understood that scary place in my head.

But that was a little easier to explain because it was a romantic relationship as well as D/s. However, with Jaro, I am always a bit worried that something like this will happen. Jaro is extremely private. If something were to happen, nobody would know that I would be worried sick. I have been in his life for 2 years now and nobody knows I exist.

If Dr. Dom doesn't message me in the morning or disappears without explanation, or just breaks our routine in some way, I get worried. Logically I know I am most likely over reacting. I usually have nothing to get worked up over, but there is always a part of me that fears the worse.

I know that I can't let myself get to that place, but I can't help but think about these things. I just don't know what the solution might be in these cases.

Anyways ... I really had no point to this blog other than to share my feelings and concerns. I am sure I am not the only one. I would love to hear from others on what they do to help in these situations or to reassure their partners.
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Comments

  1. Old Comment
    Consensus's Avatar
    I can relate now in a way I couldn't, say, a little over a month ago. So, my Holder is online only and my main concern is that I will ruin things. I am very good at making nice things weird and thus ruining it all. And I don't know how to deal with the ghosting. So, I made a mistake with a report, and think I may have made things weird. I opened up a bit too much of a window into my life and...

    I'm not being ghosted but the dynamic has changed. My Holder is more distant, aloof, removed and less friendly.

    So I can totally relate but I have no experience to add. Still, it is good to know that this is not just a me worry but a thing that others experience.

    Connie
    Posted 03-30-2019 at 12:52 AM by Consensus Consensus is offline
  2. Old Comment
    Jaro's Avatar
    That story about your friend dissapearing after your vacation made me very sad to read.

    I can totally relate to this because I have thought about the same thing with you many times. That something 'bad' were to happen with you. Heck, I even get worried if you don't come online on the expected times or if you are away for a while. You are such a huge part of my life now and I care so much about you that I do worry about this.

    Of course Mr. Devious and others do know about me, so at least I would find out.

    Indeed, nobody on my side knows about you so I will have to think of something I guess so that at least you would be informed. Maybe I can leave a note or something. Anyways, I will do my very best to have nothing bad happen to me!
    Posted 03-30-2019 at 12:54 AM by Jaro Jaro is offline
  3. Old Comment
    Your right, it is scary! ♡
    Posted 03-30-2019 at 01:41 AM by LittleMissSass LittleMissSass is offline
  4. Old Comment
    owlart's Avatar
    We have so many 'digital friends' these days that it is important to work out a way to let those friends know in the same way as our 'physical friends' would know if something happened to us. I know of people who have instructions written into their will that a family member should post to a certain forum or mailing list, but it's more than just about if we die, our digital friends want to know if we're unwell and can't get online as well. If we unexpectedly disappear, they worry about us just as much as our 'physical friends' would if we suddenly stopped seeing them.

    In a similar way, I also know of people who have an arrangement with a close physical friend to come and 'sanitise' their house should anything happen so that vanilla family aren't confronted by things they'd rather not find out about when clearing out effects and such like.

    I read a lovely article about someone who did manage to get the message to their digital friends: https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/disability-47064773
    Posted 03-30-2019 at 03:50 AM by owlart owlart is offline
  5. Old Comment
    Foxy Rose's Avatar
    It's scary to open up to someone. And online is even scarier. The person on the other side is truly a stranger and a mystery. You feel you're honest and open and for however brief or long period of time you open up to them, you truly want to believe the things said or typed. But slowly and surely, their true nature comes to light, when they "poof" or they "poof" and it becomes clear.

    Every day is scary to me with Sir. He assures me too, on many occasions. We're coming closer to the 1 year anniversary of being together. A milestone for me for a very long time in a continuous relationship. But that's a story for another time. I've told my family about him and I've never had a strange feeling about or towards him. I've always trusted my gut, in the past, and more so now. She has never been wrong, so why should I not trust her now? Her, being my gut of course.

    It scares me that he hasn't told his family and friends about me. I've even asked him about it. He explained and I do understand the reasons.

    For a period of 3 weeks, I had no contact whatsoever with Sir. Mr. D knows, I spoke to him at length about it. Mr. D is truly a gem and I trust his male input and advise when I ask him.

    After those 3 scary weeks, I forced Sir to give me his number. Well not forced, but friendly requested after having a freak out conversation about him disappearing on me for days on end.

    Now he knows to message me more frequently. I understand the situation he is in currently and I know that in a month or 2, once he moves into his new place, we'll be talking more and going back to our routinely voice chats for hours on end, before either of us end up falling asleep.

    Ghosting will always be there. Catfishing too. It's not nice, especially when people can be so easily vulnerable. I have been on both ends of the spectrum. I've lied to people and taken them for a ride. Heck, I've had one relationship last on and off for years, I think around 3 or 4 years, where I portrayed another girl. And I broke his heart and him, as he stated. So much so, at one point I tried to tell him who I truly was, only to find out he's a shallow asshole.

    But in saying that, I've never felt I belonged anywhere until I met Sir. He's slowly changing me, in a very good and positive way and I can't wait until we finally meet and get together. I truly know that he won't poof on me and I thank the stars for this incredible man. Even with my sometimes insecurities and overthinking nonsense. I just have to start believing in myself and the advice I dish out so easily to other people.
    Posted 03-30-2019 at 04:19 AM by Foxy Rose Foxy Rose is offline
  6. Old Comment
    Heart's Avatar
    I use to have this fear but I realized I couldn't change what was going to happen, I do try to be apart of my online peeps real life but I stopped worrying like I used too.
    Posted 03-30-2019 at 07:39 AM by Heart Heart is offline
  7. Old Comment
    Stopclick's Avatar
    I really appreciative how eloquently you articulate your fears and vulnerabilities. I can have difficulty allowing myself to open up to people online (and in person) partly because of being afraid of feeling some things you describe here.

    Sidenote, I wonder if people used to get ghosted centuries ago, or if it's a modern phenomenon. "Doth maiden hath not answered mine letter in three moons, dare she spirit me with such jest?". I guess we didn't have as much opportunity to meet people not in person back then.
    Posted 03-30-2019 at 11:05 AM by Stopclick Stopclick is offline
  8. Old Comment
    creativekink's Avatar
    This really hit home....I've been ghosted so many times. I honestly shocks me how often it happens in the digital world because I feel it should be easier to be open and honest than in person. All it takes it one message or a little explanation to give the person a little notice of why the person doesn't want to continue. With that said finding the right person makes all the ghosting worth it.
    Posted 03-31-2019 at 05:35 PM by creativekink creativekink is offline
 

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