BDSM is Disgusting!

So as some of my closer friends know, and those of you who read my last blog, my slave (my little girl) and I broke off our D/s relationship a little bit under a month ago. I’m still dealing with depression but it’s lessened from what it originally was, thankfully, but it is still there. What some of my closer friends know, is that I still plan on being in part of the BDSM world, it’s just I’m not entirely sure where I want to go yet. I know I was considering giving up dominance completely, but thanks to some of the wonderful members of GD, I have decided against that and am just laying low in that area for the time being. But at the same time, I am leaving the submissive side of me open as well as I am a switch. So at this time, I am analyzing what is it I really want, but that question is becoming more and more difficult to answer and here’s why…

Everyone has their own views of how BDSM should be, I will respect that. I may not think what you’re doing is right, and I certainly won’t agree with you BUT I will respect you to have your own opinions. The reason it is so difficult to answer this mainly lies in the factors of what I’m seeing in the BDSM community as of today. If that’s what you want to call it. It’s just become so distorted from what I think it should be like, that it literally disgusts me. Just from what I see and what I know are two different things. The things I see are more prevalent and I see myself asking, why on earth would I want to be a part of this?
One thing I see a lot of today is ads saying “You will do what I say, when I say or you will be punished. I will have complete control over your life etc.” To some people, this is what a D/s relationship is, but I don’t think it is. In a D/s relationship the relationship needs to be symbiotic, but you’re viewing it as something parasitic. The way you state this, the only getting pleasure from any of this is you with no regards to the other person whatsoever. To you they are just an object, nothing more than something to play with. And you know what in some aspect that’s fine. I know I myself personally like to be played with and sometimes viewed as a fuck toy for someone’s amusement. The key word in that last sentence though is sometimes. No matter how much someone wants to deny it, whether sub, dominant, or even if you’re not into BDSM, we are all people. We all have dreams, aspirations, feelings, emotions and in no way should these be impaired. With you telling us what to do, when to do it, and taking complete control of our lives and telling us how to live where we truly can’t be ourselves is what I said it is…parasitic with only one member of the relationship getting the benefits. In my past submissive relationships, I’ve been played with on a pretty constant basis but at the same time sometimes my Mistress, yes I only have served Mistresses in the past, would just contact me and just ask how I’m doing and you know just listen to me. Do you realize how awesome it feels to be in a relationship like that and just talk about whatever sometimes and not have to worry about sex for the time being? It’s awesome. Even with my little girl, sure I had her do a lot of tasks for me but quite a majority of them were things that she enjoyed too. And at the same time, sometimes our conversations would be totally vanilla. Even a couple of times we have sent each other “just because” e-mails and texts, just to let each other know that we were thinking about them. Like I said sex can be incorporated into these relationships, I have no objections with that but at the same both parties need to take care of each other and just treat the relationship as a friendship as well. That’s how I see BDSM as in a short form.

To shift gears real quick, here’s another thing I saw recently that disgusted me. I was looking through some dice dares and I saw that was designed for males. If you roll a 6 in this particular dice dare, you apparently don’t have any choice but to be the user’s slave…what?! I have talked about this in a past blog entry but submissives do have a choice as to who they want to submit to. That’s a crazy concept isn’t it? A D/s relationship should not be forced on to anyone and you should go into it willingly instead of it being an obligation. When I first met my little girl she said very clearly that she was not willing to actually be a slave at this point in time and was kind of just looking for something a little more casual for the time being. I wouldn’t call almost a year casual, but at the same time, I didn’t force her to be with me. I started her with a trial period, and after a while I asked her if she wanted to be my official slave, and if she said no…fine, I’d still be talking to her but I gave her that choice. Even though our D/s relationship is no more, I’m so glad that she said yes and that I had the time with her that I was able to have. This was not something easy to accept and deal with. And also when we split up I didn’t beg her to reconsider, I didn’t force her to stay, I didn’t lay a guilt trip her, I didn’t tell her that she couldn’t leave me, I just let her go. True I did want to know more about the situation to see if we could find a loophole so that we could be together, but sadly it didn’t happen. And once again before you start pointing fingers neither she nor I wanted this to happen. While I can’t help but be a little skeptical, because that’s who I am, I trust her as she has never lied to me before and she’s been very open about some things that most people wouldn’t be. But anyway, D/s relationships not forced.

Then there’s the worst offender of them all…short ads. Oh my gosh, I hate these with a vengeance. Look if you want someone who actually thinks with their brain instead of their hormones, please…try…to…sell…yourself! I come across so many ads that are only one sentence long, and this is not a run-on sentence, this is like ten words. AND THEN YOU HAVE THE NERVE TO PUT IN PARANTHESEES AFTERWARDS SERIOUS REPLIES ONLY! How on earth are you looking for serious replies if you’re not even being serious yourself!? Every time I see an ad this short, I don’t even bother reading it, because it’s not worth my time. iSpuds did a great entry a little while ago comparing presentation to a sales pitch and she’s absolutely right. If you’re a dominant sell yourself why should, I as a sub, want to submit to you? What makes you different from all the rest of the dominants and what can I expect if I do decide to submit to you? If you’re a submissive, why should I as a dominant pick you? Do your likes mesh up with mine, what makes you unique, what features (experience, toys, etc.) do you have? But no there’s just a blatant disregard to all of these because you know why, these people want to cum once and then leave. STOP POSTINGIN THE S/M FORUMS IF THIS IS WHAT YOU WANT!

Well anyway, I’ve ranted enough and if you don’t agree with my opinions, fine, I don’t expect everyone to. Of course I would say that most people who don’t agree with ANYTHING that I said, probably won’t take the time to read this anyway. But I hope this gives you an insight as to why I am finding what I truly want as a bit of a struggle because of just the utter disgust I see in the BDSM community.